by hereiam! 44 Replies latest jw friends
Regarding the feelings of loss, this relates to what is known as the Kübler-Ross "stages of grief". You can grieve over any loss, even the loss of a wallet. Certainly the loss of your fundamental belief system qualifies!
Read: http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
Love,
Baba.
Thank you everybody. (tear..seriously this is touching..) I already feel a little warmer inside! How amazing it is to have a place to go where people actually DO know what you're going through! I know every post here is just going to make me cry, in a good way! There goes those hormones again! lol, but really, I appreciate the welcome so much and I really look forward to getting to know you all. I still get blown away from meeting people that will welcome you not based on your standing it the congregation. WOW thats nice! So anyways, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Babba-
Also thanks for that arlice you posted on grief. I am reading it and it makes a lot of sense. I also want to show it to my husband, I think it will help make more sense of whats going on. :)
Welcome. I was depressed over some unresolved things from before I was a JW, I didn't deal with them because the end was so imminent. I was further upset that I felt duped and started researching the Bible after I researched JW's. I also went to a counselor, still do some. I met with an ex-JW meetup group from meetup.com and made friends there, made friends on this forum. Some are phone friends and some I visit on occasion.
Many people should go to counseling but don't. I understand that they have their reasons- money or fear or relatives talking about them. Whether you can go or not, I highly recommend a self-education about what has happened to you. Steve Hassan's two books, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS are a big help. You can find them on Amazon or freedomofmind.org. I don't know about Mexico, but they are available in many public libraries also.
Beyond those suggestions, start venting here on this forum. Anyway, a big welcome and a hug for you and yours.
HEREIAM ! - Welcome my friend ! Nice to have you here ! Congratulations on your upcoming child ! I raised 3 of em- 1 is outside the witnesses, 2 still in it - all in their 20's. After leaving the witnesses over 6 years ago at age 44 - after having been born in and raised- I understand your feelings of loneliness. It can be a real challenge. What helped me was developing hobbies and other interests like reading books ON THe Way Out mentioned , and taking walks in the country. I enjoyed golfing , hiking in the mountains, fresh air helps. Meeting other ex-witnesses is comforting like you say- because they understand what you are going through.
You mentioned your big JW family. I too have most of my extended family in the witnesses still. Surprisingly - Some respect my decision to become inactive and fade away, and some don't of course. It's a mixed bag. You may experience that as well. Over the course of time - some of my nieces and nephews have left the witnesses ( they are in their 20's and 30's ). Yet- They are leading happy fulfilling lives . Be kind to yourself , you will go through ups and downs - it's normal when making changes in your life like you are doing. And as you say- the hormonal thing expecting a baby comes into play also. With time, it gets easier, I promise. If you ever need a hearing ear or need to talk- my wife and I are here just PM us.
If you sense your depression is getting you down too much, please seek a professional therapist who is trained to assist you with a degree in psychology. Please be assured of our unconditional care for you - we look forward to your posts ! You have some friends here
I'm happier since I left.
That says it all! Welcome!
Pull up a chair...
I didn't read any replies, short of time, hopefully I'm not saying whats already been said
First of all welcome...wondering if anyone else said that your name automatically made them say "send me, send me". Wow, what wonders we have for being in a cult, right?? :)
Second, I've been pregnant many times, and I can attest that of course your hormones are way off the scale right now (especially if its a girl...double the female hormones!) and so take each feeling with a grain of salt, if you can. Remember this too shall pass, and next week will be better. One of the phrases my mom always said and lived by, and it's stuck in my brain. So I like to share, and now it's in your brain too. You're welcome hahaha
Third, I felt EXACTLY like you did....have to keep quiet or I'll lose family, but can't really have anything to do with them or they'll find out. So either way I was estranged from all my family! What a choice THAT was! So I suppose I pre-emptively shunned them, out of self preservation. Is there any way you can just play the weak and struggling card for the family? There is no need to tell them you've found out the truth about the truth! Just say you can't fathom meetings, the pregnancy is wearing on you, and your husband stays home to help you...it'll be even easier to play that card once the baby comes. Just leave religion on the table, don't discuss it, and quietly accept their attempt at reactivating you and encouraging you, and go on your way.
Fourth, I too was so afraid that I wouldn't know how to make friends, because lets face it, I missed a month of meetings, and all they were worried about was whether they saw my face at the meetings, not a feel friendship lost. That was hard to admit, and made me feel pretty hopeless to be honest. If the closest brotherhood on the earth was hard to make friends in, I was totally screwed! Well, quite the opposite was the case. Making good friends in the "world" is infinitely easier. I can't explain it, it just is. They are genuine, they are accepting. There is no incentive for them to be your friend, and therefore no penalty! Just seek out people interested in things you are. Join a nursing mothers group if that's what you plan to do. Join a gym or frequent the park after the baby is born. Just put yourself out there, talk as little as possible about the cult you've left, and be a real person. It'll come in time.
Fifth, take it easy on you...a lot of changes, a lot of loss, short period of time. Give it time to heal. You'll be told that it takes just as long for your body to return to normal (even longer if you breastfeed, yes maybe you'll drop weight faster but your hormones will still be peaked, so not truly "you" pre pregnancy) as it did to grow that child. Why should leaving something you've spent your entire life invested in be any different? Sure it'll take longer to find your new normal, and be content. To expect anything else would be setting yourself up for failure. Take it easy on yourself, be honest with your doctor about your feelings and the changes, they can help keep an eye on you to make sure you don't cross the line from normal changes hormones slight depression to something different that will affect the relationship with your child and your husband and yourself.
Again, welcome, glad to have you added to our little family here!
Wow guys. I love you all. That's all I have to say. Just plain love you and love being here. You've all officially made my day! I'm serious. I feel A LOT better. So glad I found this place!!
Heartbreaker- All your advice was really good. I really like how everyone helps me see to take it slow. I feel like I'm the only one putting pressure on myself and its really unnecessary. Big weight off my shoulders. Also I am going to try to reach out and meet people. It might be a little more difficult because of where I live, and its a pretty small town, but I know its possible. I'm just glad I can start turning my mind around to the possibilites instead of dwelling on what I can't change. Thank you!!
OH LOL! I just got what you said about the "send me! send me!" Too funny! I totally never even thought of that....scary maybe it was subconscious..o geez..
You are so welcome hereiam! Do you facebook at all? I'd love to send you a friend request...just let me know via PM (top right corner, the envelope...click it and go back and forth a few times till it opens in readable print)
Just think ONE friend is all you really need, just find ONE person in real life that you want to friend, and THEY will have friends that you can meet. It truly balloons from there. On my facebook page I went from 60+ to 5 and now back up to 120 or so? So double the contacts I had before, but so many of them are more genuine people! Many I will never meet in person (overseas and such) but it's such an honor to be able to see a glimse of their lives and watch them heal and be happy.
