How long will I be an exJW vs a fomer JW? (page 3)

shamus100

Don Cherry...

They had an interesting interview with his son on CBC Radio Canada. I know you're all going to laugh you awful americano's, but it's a great station...

Anyhoo, they have done nothing but lived, breathed, and ate hockey their whole lives. That's all they talk about.

How can you not find that bizarre guy funny? Just look at his awful outfits that are custom-made, LOL. Everytime I see him I just start giggling....

Do they broadcast that guy on the American networks?? I'm rather out of touch when it comes to hockey these days.

wobble

Thanks once again, dear AT Jeff , for a thoughtful post.

I have been thinking it is way past the time that I should have cut down my hours spent on here.

I do like to be of support to those just leaving, if possible, I know how much the support , understanding and love I found on this site meant to me at the point of leaving.

For a variety of reasons I was suicidal, not least of them was losing my whole belief system and all my family and friends, bar the few "worldly" ones I had.

To be shown that life after the JW's can be happy, fulfilling, exciting and very worth living, was literally a lifeline to me. So I owe it to those posters who helped me, you included in a large way of course, to continue to post here from time to time.

A number of those posters have moved on, I wish them happiness and blessings, but I will stay around for awhile yet, even though I am now definaetely a former JW, not just an XJW.

I hope you can manage to stay too Jeff, your calm words of wisdom are of great value here.

Kind regards,

Wobble

OUTLAW

Good Morning ATJ!!..

Your never going to get Cherry to shut up..LOL!!..

Cherry left his suit coat, shirt and tie at a Pub I go to..

They Framed It!!..LOL!!..

................................. ...OUTLAW

OnTheWayOut

I read one theory that for approximately every five years as a JW, a person would use 1 year to process and obsess before tapering off. There was no real validity to the theory, but it was one person's thoughts. Still, it made me think of myself in the way you, Jeff, are thinking of yourself- when do we move on? I faded in early 2007 from close to 20 years of involvement. I can see my ex-JW involvement dying off soon. The 5-to-1-years theory might work on me- sort of. I think AK-Jeff, one of my good buddies, is already crossing over to "former JW" from ex-JW.

It all depends on so many things. I have an active JW wife and mother. I am on the verge of moving on, but my wife's day-to-day involvement reminds me of my past and I wish for so much more for her. If my mother were to pass, it would change things slightly. If my wife were to leave the JW's, it would change my whole world.

Many have adult children in the JW's or parents in the JW's or mates or young children even. Some have entire families out of it. That's one huge factor.

The next factor is personal reasons for joining, level of participation, how duped you feel- stuff like that. If the United Nations and Malawi and changing doctrine are your thing that gets to you, you might be an ex-JW for awhile longer than someone who just didn't care to be controlled and got out. If you were burned in some way or thrown out, you may stay an ex-JW for awhile longer than others. So many variables.

I needed God to personally come to my rescue and be the only entity in the universe that cared about me. Then I needed to know "the truth" if He did come and rescue me. Doctrine was everything. But letting go when doctrine didn't add up was because of the primary reason, that I needed God to care about me. I wouldn't let go for a long time. When I did let go, I was bitter. When I found out that the doctrine used logic fallacies, I found myself losing my God and losing myself (doubting my own ability to think for myself) and at the same time, my mother asked me not to DA so she could speak to me. Add my wife's continuous involvement and absolute refusal to really discuss WT's problems and you have a long-time ex-Jehovah's Witness.

So when I feel my involvement dying off within a year, I will always have a higher level of interest in ex-JW stuff than many walkaways.

no more kool aid

Jeff, so sorry to hear about your Mom, that was great simple advice, to be happy.

Depending on how invested we were in "the truth", how much family we still have in, gauges how much it still effects us. With us, our whole family is "in". We are having our son's birthday party this weekend at another home, so that we are not seen. Witnesses were at our door this morning, as they often are, so I had the kids shutting the drapes and being quiet, the neighbor kid was here and looked at us like we were crazy. Very close friends are trying to get out, we are supporting them but you kind of re- live those stages all over again. So, I don't think we dwell on, it doesn't interfere with my overall happiness, but it's an annoyance that is always there. It leaves a mark. NMKA

flipper

JEFF- Interesting topic. I have many JW relatives still inside the cult. Including 2 daughters 23 and 21 who I am trying to assist using Steve Hassan's methods . It takes patience, it takes time. But unlike all of my JW cult relatives who feel their " time is running out " due to the alleged "last days " - I have all the time in the world to outlast my cult relatives in trying to assist them- because they believe in an unreality- a fantasy which will never happen.

I enjoy coming on this site and assisting people who have just exited the witnesses - as many are confused and don't know what to do with the rest of their lives. I have received more satisfaction helping others move on here at JWN than I EVER did in 44 years knocking on doors pushing a fantasy or falsehood. So, yeah, I'm an EX-JW , doesn't bother me at all. I'm gonna turn what was once a negative in my life into a positive. Just my 2 cents

JeffT

Hm, I graduated from college almost forty years ago, with a degree in English/Education that has never led directly to employement. Is it time to "get over" being a college graduate? Should I stop reading?

As another analogy I'm a recovery alcoholic. AA is build on having people that have been through it, help those that are going through it now. I view this (and other websites) in the same light. I left the WTBS 22 years ago. It does not dominate my thoughts (except when I'm writing about it) but it is an experience I can still find ways to build upon, and I can use that experience to help others overcome the problems the WTBS has created in their lives.

I don't think this is a bad thing.

PS, my wife never talks about being an xjw. She really has moved on, although we talk about it from time to time. To each his own.

Scarred for life

Being a JW in my past does not dominate my thoughts either except when I come to this site. This site has helped me to clear up a lot of things in my mind and has helped me to understand some things. For the first time in my life I have found other people that understand the experiences of my childhood.

whathehadas

Move on? I don't know, I mean it is like a person that has been beat across the head for a number of years. Try moving on but once they hit their head by accident, it all comes back to them of their past experience. For myself being a fader after not attending meetings for the past 3 months excluding the awful memorial, I see in all honesty that moving on from this borg is a lifetime in itself. I have a two brothers who were D'Fd( one 20 yrs and the other 11 yrs ago) and they still have flashbacks of the JW life style though they been away for awhile. I can't imagine the ones who been totally indoctrinated and been through the ranks in the org to totally move on. Ex-JWs like Randy Watters, Barbara Anderson, and a countless amount of others have devoted their life to exposing the WT. AllTimeJeff I have always appreciated your post and blogs that you have made since I have been awakened. Whether you come back periodically and post, just remember those that may have opened their eyes can get insight from you. Hey if it wasn't for me venturing on Youtube and curiously looking up JWs, I would have never came across EXgileadmissionary's videos, being the fact that I was scared to death of "apostates". Just having a Ex-gilead next to your name may raise eyebrows for some witnesses. Whatever you do, just know that you will always be associated with the JWs.

Scarred for life

Good post, whatthehadas. It is like being beat across the head for my whole 15 years of being JW. It will always be there. It will never go away. It IS my upbringing.

How long will I be an exJW vs a fomer JW?

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