My story and help needed.

by frigginconfused 26 Replies latest watchtower bible

frigginconfused

I have been posting here and there for a few weeks but never introduced myself. I will do that now because I really am in bad shape and in need of someone to listen.
I was raised in New York in the projects during the crack boom in the 80's. My dad was an abusive drunk non believer and my mom dragged us to meetings. My childhood was a complete mess.
I left her house at a young age. Ive been living on my own since I was 16. At 18 I joined the military.
I was lonley and got married right after boot camp to a girl I knew I didnt love. Why? Because I saw the type of women that chase military men. They want a baby and child support. Then they get rid of you.
But I found a girl who acted like a JW. She was innocent and trustworthy not to cheat when I was deployed. But she was cold and unloving.
Throughout my time in the military I still felt a pull towards something spiritual. So I did research. I looked into many of the worlds religions and got alot of good stuff from them. Everything from satanism to buddhism. I really dug deep. For about 10 years.
What I have found is that all religions have some really great truth in them. But they all have a point where they venture off to lies.
Eventually I realized that the things the WS says are pretty good. I agree with most of it. But I think they are too focused on things other than Jesus' message.
Things like 1914 and the generation are a mans speculation. They cant be proven.
I fought in Iraq and saw first hand the state of the world today. Every part of my soul screams out that the end is near. I feel a pull to do something about it but dont know what to do.
Sometimes I think maby the GB are Gods earthly leaders. But they dont get direct word from god like Moses did. So all thier choices are made by prayer and bible consideration. Because of that they are making the wrong choices.
I do feel I have a bond with God and they are not stumbling me. Because I have stared at death 1st hand I know I have the courage to die for what I believe.
I dont feel that just a few people gathering on this website is enough for me. I think its time to get Jesus' true message out there. The muslims are getting worldwide attention because of thier hatefull acts. I think its time to get the same attention from loving acts.
With the way the WTBTS is run I know this could never happen. They are going about it all wrong. But when others leave and try to start a new religion it never picks up.
I know myself well enough to know I just cant move on with life. Something needs to be done.
I have been ignoring my spirituall calling and because of this I cant hold down a job. I lost my wife. And I scare my kids too often.
I had issues before the war but seeing the things I did really pushed me over the edge.
Why do people just accept the crap the GB says or leave and get called apostates. Why arent people taking controll of thier religion and pushing the old guys out?
I struggle with this everyday. My bible study is a waste of time. Everytime they come over I get sick to my stomach. I know I can never be a JW with the way things are run now. But I desperatley need to be with people that are as devoted to intergity and love as much as I am. What should I do? Every day is a struggle for me to stay alive. I feel like giving up.
Cagefighter

Dude, find another group of believers that are doing things that you can support and join up. The JW's poision you to think no one else can do anything good. You haven't drank that poision yet thank God.
I visited many churches till I found a great non-denominational. We drill water wells in the Sudan, have a free clinic on the bad side of town, have lots of activities for single parents and youths.... It's what a chrisitian community should be and I dig it... You will find a place if you keep looking and throw yourself head first into it once you find a place you are comfortable with.
I also think a good part of your problem is stress too... Thank you for your service. You have had a lot of changes in life. Divorce, deployment, coming home. It's natural to be looking for answers just don't stress out if it takes a while to find them. That is part of the journey my friend.
snowbird

Friggin, I say to you, step back and just chill for a while. Seek professional help for your depression and get to know Jesus of Nazareth. The Gospel of John is a good place to start.
Here's another (((((((Friggin))))))).
Blessings.
Syl
NiceDream

Please don't give up!
I question the governing body and why they make certain decisions too. Unfortunately, because the organization is SO controlling, there is no way to promote objections without getting thrown out as an apostate. People are afraid of losing their families, and so most keep silent. Because the followers are so indoctrinated (or brainwashed), they won't listen to opposers and automatically view them as Satan trying to persecute them.
You've been through a lot in your life. Give yourself permission to take the time to heal and find another group of believers who have similar goals as you. Keep praying to find your spiritual path.
((((((hugs))))))
yknot

...... No 1.......
1914 is the foundation of Rutherford's JWs......
To lose 1914, you lose 1918 inspection, 1919 appointment....
To lose those all you have is a publishing firms 'GB' bossing people around and kicking them out of the social club when any form of disagreements arise.
....... No. 2 .........
1914 is a patch job to cover up a patch job that was created to explain away the lack of rapture in 1878.
.........No 3..........
The scripture say 'to whom shall we go' not 'where shall we go'.......
In Christianity following Jesus is personal.........
Association should not be forsaken (think Ted Kaczynski) but it isn't restricted to everyone having to believe exactly the same things (unlike the WTS forced unity or apostasy)..... you can be of 'like mind' in the belief that Jesus is the promised messiah and redeemer but disagree on other 'interpretations' that tend to cause divisions.
Make choices of association based on similar values.
_________________________________
So make some lists of what is important to you in a worship group and association.
Teach your children your beliefs (respect their mothers)
Apologize to your ex-wife and kids for scarying them....
Take steps now to lay the path to your 'stepping up' your game and reclaiming yourself as your own man.
The first step is to be led by the love Christ spoke of (love of God, love of others as yourself).........from there follow the golden rule.
What you put forth is what you will receive...... as the dominate male in your children's lives they follow your lead.
not a captive

As Sylvia says, chill.
When I thought my world was bursting--yes there were chill pills and doctors. That wasn't available for me.
There was this comfort: God takes care of his precious resources. If you are determined that you are His, then don't plunge headlong anywhere. Chill ,with or without pills---with or without a doctor. But do be still, somehow, and know that He is the Lord.
About the WTS. Just remember the frustration in the military of not getting to own your conscience. Think of that in spiritual matters now. Is that okay with you? The WTS do NOT let you follow your own conscience. They tell you that they will give you a Bible-trained Conscience but it is a religion trained conscience a man-trained conscience. Do you want that?
Trust God.
Coffee House Girl

Welcome Friggin
You sound very lost & I wish you would get some professional help, I left the organization about nine months ago now & realize that I cannot be an agonstic or atheist because I believe there is a God and He does care about what I do to worship Him. I pray everyday to be reconciled to Him someday, but the answers as to where to go for worship are not even close to being clear for me now. I think it will take a long time to find a place where I am comfortable worshipping- same for you....
I wish for you to find some peace, you have been through so much, hang in there and please keep posting your thoughts~
CHG
VoidEater

I think its time to get the same attention from loving acts.
Maybe in the coming years the human psyche will have evolved enough - or enough individuals will have become conscious enough - for loving acts to grab headlines. I don't see that we're there yet.
However, you can develop your own spiritual garden, you can live a spiritual life with like-minded people. I doubt you'll ever find a group, or found a group, where everyone will agree with every detail - but through tolerance and compassion you can hang on to your own ideals while making a difference for others.
You say you've already rejected all the other groups out there as falling into lies. So your choices are somehwat limited if you're set on working within a community:
1) Accept all groups are flawed, but join one anyway. Work through their existing resources and networks to make the world better.
2) Create a group of your own. You may want to live in an area where there is already a sense of reaching toward human potential - say, San Francisco as opposed to places in Virginia or Arkansas. Though nearly every place has a community of intentional living somewhere.
3) Join a "monastic" order or communal living arrangement and just be surrounded by others on an inward spiritual path. Perhaps an ecumenical, non-denominationl arrangement.
It's hard for me to separate what might be several things going on: the terrors you have seen likely have had a large impact. There seem to be a couple different needs - to be around conscious people, and to make a difference in the world. I'm not sure if you need to be around loving, conscious people as just a way to further your own healing, or if that really is how you want to express your contributions to the world.
It may be that you need to heal yourself first. It may be that your desire to be loving to the world is an expression of your need for loving yourself, to love yourself. THat's always a good way to build a foundation for a loving life.
I think it may be that with focused healing it will become more clear how to make your contribution to the world.
It becomes such a routine that I hate to say it, but perhaps some individual therapeutic work might be helpful to put things in order for you...
Cheers!
snowbird

I was raised in New York in the projects during the crack boom in the 80's.
This tells me you're Black.
When you feel up to it, please research the WT's view of Black people.
Only when you're feeling up to it.
Syl
jamiebowers

I fought in Iraq and saw first hand the state of the world today. Every part of my soul screams out that the end is near. I feel a pull to do something about it but dont know what to do.
I respect your service to our country and by no means intend to downplay the war in Iraq. But the fact remains that world conditions have been much worse in the past, (i.e. world wars, the Black Plague, etc.) It sounds like you're suffering from P.T.S.D. As others have advised, please get professional help.
Sometimes I think maby the GB are Gods earthly leaders. But they dont get direct word from god like Moses did. So all thier choices are made by prayer and bible consideration. Because of that they are making the wrong choices.
Actually their decisions are made by voting and led by attorneys.
There are plenty of Christian groups out there, so keep looking for the one that's right for you. More importantly, don't give up on life. With a little help and time, you will heal.

My story and help needed.

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