Growing Up With Violence (page 5)

compound complex

Dear not a captive:

I am very touched by your revealing, heartfelt post.

When I first wrote this little episode, which is actually a segment of the semi-autobiographical Through a Darkened Pane, I had no idea where it would go. I hadn't foreseen dredging up the awful past, but it insisted on typing itself out here on JWN. Fortunately, I have healed, largely because the abusers in my life were essentially good but ill people. Bitterness and anger are not a part of my life. Well, certainly not now!

Your comment on my having a little something to say in a modest way has reassured me tremendously as I have always marched to the beat of a different drummer and, as a result, have never seemed to fit in. Today I feel really good, and you, dear lady, are one of the reasons! It's wonderful that you and your husband have sorted through the detritus of shattering personal experience and have remained loyal and steadfast in your devotion to one another. Bless you both and your children.

Love,

CoCo

Open mind

My heart goes out to the victims of violence.

I am very thankful that my JW parents were non-violent.

Great post Co-Co.

om

snowbird

Thanks for you quiet little corner conversations, CoCo.

That's it!

CoCo's threads are like a quiet little corner by the fireside where we can chat confidentially.

Thanks, Maeve.

You always have the right words!

Syl

sammielee24

e film that won the Palme d'Or at the 2009 festival de Cannes, the White Ribbon by Michael Haneke, aims at showing, according to some critics, how the strict, and even brutal protestant way of raising children in pre-1914 northern Germany has spawned a violent generation, the one which supported nazism a few years later. So, let's be fair with catholicism, I was a catholic for 30 years, did spank my children moderately and they don't seem to resent, as far as I know.

-------------------------

I don't think it all boils down to religion either. Some of it was simply generational, environmental and simply acceptable and that provides a cover for any form of abuse within all of history. On the other hand all kids raised in violent homes do not become violent nor are they all screwed up. I do find however, the the lack of options and opportunity within the family structure will encourage isolation and insecurity so that a child of violence often makes the same choices because they have had no opportunity to experience a different world. A child beaten may marry a man who is verbally or emotionally abusive but remain blind to that behavior because her reality has been that abuse is physical. It may take a long time for people to grow and become confident, aware individuals - sadly some never make it.

There are children who because of violence do not even have church nor school to buffer them and their world is even smaller as they fight drugs, alcohol, poverty and all forms of abuse within not only a home but often within entire communities where life may seem hopeless for them and dreams are only for the privileged who sleep.

Perhaps my understanding of the challenges and struggles of those children as they grow, are what fuels my disgust and anger at others in our society that complain about those using the 'system' when they don't have a clue and don't care about what made someone get there in the first place. sammieswife

snowbird

bttt for CoCo.

Syl

compound complex

Thank you, Open Mind, sammieswife and snowbird.

Your thoughtful, insightful words and bttting mean so much to me. I had no idea there'd be response to this thread.

Have a wonderful day all.

Love,

CoCo

snowbird

Perhaps my understanding of the challenges and struggles of those children as they grow, are what fuels my disgust and anger at others in our society that complain about those using the 'system' when they don't have a clue and don't care about what made someone get there in the first place. sammieswife

Good points. SW.

I see it all too often.

Syl

Violia

I too grew up in a violent family. I recall some of it, some of it is still blocked out. In my case too the people involved were mostly ill and not evil. They themselves desperately needed help . It does leave a mark however. I live in the house I grew up in. I was finally able to have a door replaced. The door held some scary memories for me as it was the only thing that separated me from a drunk and angry person who would have beat me senseless. Even now when I go into the room and close the door I can still see and hear him pounding / pushing on the door. The door is all that separates me from him - even now and he is long gone in reality.

compound complex

Thank you, Violia, for sharing that scary memory. I'm sorry for what you have suffered and hope that your mind and heart are on the mend.

Love,

CoCo

Amelia Ashton

I really don't understand how to forgive parents that were abusive. I know peple say its hard to move on til you do but how do you do it? I want to for my sake not theirs. They don't give a rat's arse about me so it won't make any difference to them if I forgive them or not. I thought I would if they died but they are lingering on and are now in their 80s.

Hugs to you CoCo and all the others that suffered at the hands of their parents.

Growing Up With Violence

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