Fight with wife over watching Avatar escalates to near-separation--true story

by sd-7 108 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Snoozy

  I remember going to the show with hubby and the kids to see Texas Chainsaw massacre. The original not the remake. We had just come out of the JW religion. I sat there with all the other people in the show and thought "These people are all crazy, how can they sit and watch another human being do that to other human beings?". I told hubby I wanted ot leave but he said No. The kids were all teens and they wouldn't leave either. I got up and ran out of the show. I thought they would follow but they didn't.

  As I sat in my car waiting for the rest of the family to come out, I saw the faces of all those others coming out. I thought they must be crazy, how can anyone sit there and watch that stuff..

  What I am saying is that the religion does have it's good points.Crazy killing is wrong. To this day I refuse to watch blood and gore movies..maybe she is just like that?

  The thing is that being that religion and feeling that way anyway, makes you double paranoid... You tend to overreact. Believe it or not I can understand how she felt..(On the killing stuff only).

  Just wanted to add, I think people get "conditioned" to see that kind of thing (Gorey killing) ..if you have to "Get conditioned" something is wrong with it.

  Snoozy
• 

  yknot

  sd-7

  You are in a stubborn place right now......

  Compare this to a school dance where you like the girl and she likes in return passionately. However you are completely unwilling to walk across the floor and ask her to dance even though you know she will accept your invitation and you really want to dance with her.

  She sits across and stares at you , gets frustrated waiting and wanting you, picks a fight at the refreshment table and all because you are not discerning the social club dance rules of taking the lead and respectfully and officially asking her to dance.

  You will not get her out of the WTS by whistling or cat-calling her from the other side ...... she needs you to go to her, take her hand, whisper soothing and promising words, whirl her around the floor and gracefully lead her to the exit.
• 

  garyneal

  Dude, I can relate in some ways as my wife and I went through some tulmutuos times early on in our marriage. However, it was not because of religion and as crazy as it sounded, I thought her getting into that religion would actually help fix some of those problems. Thankfully, she did not get into it then or who knows how it would've turned out.

  Seek some counseling to help sort out this madness. You deserve better. I mean, the way I see it, if some tall dude looking like some jolly green giant or herman munster can get a hot indonesian girl half his height to love and marry him then there is no reason why any man should feel that they are undeserving of love from a beautiful and kind woman. I mean, if my wife and I split I know at the very least I can find myself a mail order bride if all else fails but I feel like I have an equal chance amongst local women and may actually prefer to be alone or otherwise unattached.

  Stop blaming yourself and man up by standing up to her. I remember my wife use to test me by saying that she would leave me alone if I did not go along with some of the things I disagreed with. I finally told her, "If you feel like your life can be better without me, go, bye." She never tested me like that again. My wife was very controlling and manipulative but a lot of that has changed when I decided that I was not going to play by her rules anymore.

  She's the witness, I am not. Same goes for you.
• 

  MrFreeze

  I would never argue over Avatar. It's a mediocre movie at best anyways.
• 

  GLTirebiter

  She made it clear that this was all conditional love on her part

  Conditional love is not love, it is manipulation, it is emotional blackmail! You accept the person you love as they are, faults and all. If you don't accept them that way, it isn't love. Read the standard wedding talk scripture with her, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 . Ask her if she is willing to jointly commit to be patient, slow to anger, record no wrongs, trust, and persevere.

  She deserves better than a life of sorrow with me.

  You deserve better than a life of sorrow with her! She is responsible for her own feelings and actions. It seems to me that much of her sorrow is self-inflicted. If you moved out, would that make her life bissful? Not likely!

  We were happy again, like at the beginning. Like it was supposed to be. I failed to keep it that way.

  It takes two to keep it that way. Of course I don't know all the details, but from what you've said it seems like you are making an effort, while she is the one expects life to be exactly the way she wants it, with little or no effort on her part.

  Most everyone here has real issues, and...you're made of stronger stuff. Probably just laugh it off and tell me to get over myself.

  #1: This is a real issue, one that many here have been through. I'm not about to say laugh it off. This is no laughing matter.

  #2: It's not about being "made of stronger stuff", it's about finding out who you really are inside and letting that real self take control.

  #3: You don't need to "get over yourself". You do need to realistically evaluate where you stand, what chances and options are available to you.

  Take care, SD, and don't put all the blame on yourself.
• 

  BabaYaga

  ...she locks the DOOR to prevent you from entering YOUR BEDROOM!?

  I don't know what else to say. There are so many other things that really stunned me in your post, but really... I am pretty speechless.

  I wish you all the best... and whatever that is... it is better than you have right now.

  Love,
  Baba.
• 

  yknot

  ...... another suggestion....

  You need to get over your hang-up ....... on initiating sex.

  Let her know you desire her, when you desire her and how you desire her.

  Sex is a great way to re-connect her emotional attachment to you and want to give into trusting and following you again.

  Women thrive on touch....... so hold her hand, stoke her hair, hug her, excite her .....

  If you just can't do the initiating directly ....... than make it your goal to put her in a frenzied state of foreplay that she begs you for it!
• 

  nelly136

  so you get a phone call from an elder at the weekend having a go at you, and now youre back to square one with your missus and back to seperate rooms within a few days.

  timings a bit close eh?
• 

  jamiebowers

  Well, dear heart, I've already sent my response to this sitution in an email. But I want to add that Lady Lee and Blue Sapphire pretty much summed up all of my thoughts. If you send her back to her mother, at least you'd have the money to get therapy and medication for yourself, because you won't be supporting her, her baby, and her other charge.

  I know how hard this is. I took beatings for almost seven years, because, in part, I realized he was sick....and he didn't have the best life either. But when an abuser refuses to get help for their sickness, there's nothing left to do but leave. She won't get help, because she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her...after all, she is a jw.

  You know what you have to do, and the scary part, I know, is having to do it alone. But it will only be for awhile, and you have lots of people to lean on along the way. You know you can call me anytime of the day or night. You know there's someone close by who will come to your aid in minutes. You know that you're welcome in my home anytime.

  I know you, dear heart, and you are stronger than you realize.
• 

  nelly136

  her other charge? youre supporting 3 clingons?