by sd-7 108 Replies latest jw friends
Guess I should be embarrassed--I did indeed go to college already, and I learned critical thinking. I'm just socially underdeveloped. Granted, I would never make a decision this big based on a forum. I have made it clear that the olive branch is my preferred approach. I'm not giving up just yet. But there's only so many times you can come back for more, you know? Am I just doing that?
I'll work it out, somehow. Not to worry.
aww missjackson, no more PM's?
Well Elderlittle, I have a life you know. But if you really want to continue with the cybersex cool. But not on sd-7 topic. OK? Have some self-respect, could ya?
fair enough on the olive branch thing. I think everyone who is married or who has been in a long term relationship feels your pain and hopes for a happy resolution, whatever that may be.
Gee, you are long suffering. Some men would just put rat poison in her oatmeal. That would be wrong.
Rat poison? Maybe I should just let this thread die. That's a bit extreme.
I seem to have shown up as a target again on people's radar here, with another thread with my username in it that showed up. This is really a big embarrassment, probably should've given this thread a less conspicuous title. I am saddened by some of the responses there, but I very much appreciate the folks who have comforted me through all of this. I would say it takes a special kindness to not give me the tongue-lashing others have because I've been such a huge pushover.
But it's fine. It's a bad habit to be posting all this stuff here anyhow. I usually end up disappearing for awhile after someone here upsets me. It's a disappointing cycle. I still don't know how you all do it, how you...have all this strength and surety and you stand up for yourselves. Don't know what happened to me that made me this weak. Perhaps if I can answer that question, it might help.
... But I guess this isn't really that safe place for me, anyway. I have to earn that, in the real world.
-sd-7
sd-7:
In time, you'll be on your feet, in a much better place. You can do this.
-LWT
I still don't know how you all do it, how you...have all this strength and surety and you stand up for yourselves. Don't know what happened to me that made me this weak. Perhaps if I can answer that question, it might help.
sd-7, I know this is an overused cliche but you are stronger than you think you are.
sd7 check your pm
Don't know what happened to me that made me this weak.
First, I don't think you're weak. Just beaten down. I understand that. I have been there too, and I can still come across as being weak now. The difference is, I'm not down on myself anymore. I'm strong inside, even when people think I'm being a pushover. So it doesn't bother me when people think that.
Second, you've been in a cult and you've escaped. That shows incredible strength, and in such a short time. So again, give yourself credit where its due. Also taking responsibility for a child not your own, loving her as if she was your own and providing for her as if she was your own - this shows strength of character and responsibility. Again, accept some credit for that.
Third, I don't remember your age, but I think I read that you were in your mid-late twenties? I'll be 35 this year. I never really started gaining confidence after all the criticisms and walking on eggshells until I hit 30. Funny that you mentioned living through your character in your short story. I did the same thing with my first manuscript. My heroine was this kick-ass Captain who got to tell her whole family (mom, aunt, uncle, and of course, HUSBAND) what to do. I gained a huge amount of confidence while writing that book. So I say, keep at the short stories. Its great therapy. (Even though I still say talk to a professional) I also love reading your satires. Keep those up too.
Take care of yourself.
Tammy
I'm still so scared. I know it seems really stupid, but I have lived with so much fear in my life. Afraid of my parents, afraid of elders, afraid of girls, afraid of God. Afraid of my true self, even.
Yep. That's what this damn religion does to people. They destroy our self esteem, they make us feel as though we can't make any decisions without consulting them and no one there gives a rat's ass if you're happy or miserable. Hell, they don't even care if you believe their bullshit doctrines just as long as you keep your mouth shut and turn in that Field Serve-Us report every month.
It's not easy to change everything you've ever known. Many of us on this forum were born into this cult and didn't know any other way of life. Some could leave with relative ease. For others, it's much harder. Some have given up family and life long friends not because they think they're too good now, but because the JW family and friends won't associate with anyone who doesn't serve The Borg Jehovah.
You'll find eventually that when it come to the religion, there's nothing to fear but fear itself. The reason you're still scared is because that is the way you were trained to think. Changing it doesn't happen over night.
