My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We were married really young, and tried to make the best of it. Recently, I began listening to my lingering doubts and realized I've been so unhappy because I was living a lie. The "truth" isn't the truth to me anymore.
The other night, my husband said "if this isn't the truth, then I don't think there is any truth." He said he wasn't sure if he was saying that because he was in a bad place or not. I told him it was ok to have questions, and that we could research together, because I feel the same way. I then told him about blood transfusions and he left because his brain couldn't take it anymore.
We then had our DC, and although we arrived late and missed part of the sessions all 3 days, he still felt fortified by it. We took turns walking around with our child, so I didn't think he got much out of it as he was barely in his seat.
He doesn't go on service, doesn't do any personal study, no family studies, no daily text, sporadic meeting attendance, but he prays at meals. I finally asked him why he doesn't do more if he feels it's the truth and he had no answer. A few years ago I asked him to study with me because I was feeling spiritually weak and he wouldn't. I'm not blaming him though, because I know I'm responsible for myself.
He then told me that he's unhappy in our marriage, and that I wasn't the same person he knew before we got married. After we got married he thought I was miserable (which I was). I told him that's because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. My parents didn't make me go on service every Saturday like his parents did, and like he expected me to. I went on service with him, but I guess not enough.
After our wedding night, we moved to another city where we had no friends. I went from living at home to being a wife and wasn't prepared. It took some time to adjust, I was only 19 and never did my own laundry before! For the most part we got along great.
My husband doesn't know how to communicate, and he realizes he needs to work on that. He had to be quiet growing up because his Dad worked at night. And he had no friends in high school because he could only be friends with Witness kids.
I feel really sorry for him, and really do love him. I want our marriage to work, but I don't know if it's possible. We have a child, and I don't want to put our child through divorce. My child adores my husband and I didn't want to take that away.
Thank you for listening to my rant! I feel so trapped right now.