You can do it. You'll get a lot of support here.
I was DF'd and at 19 walked into a relationship where 3 kids under the age of 5 were already present. 20 years down the line we're doing great despite a spell back in the truth (and quite strong too) and a load of health issues to cope with.
I'm telling you this because you need to know it can be done - there's nothing special about me or my wife. We're just normal people who wanted to make it work.
Keep at it and dont give up as it will be worth it in the end. One thing to remember is that most things we worry about never really turn out as bad as our minds make out. I now what it's like to lay awake worrying about everything and how we can create scenarios in our head of what might happen. It rarely does.
As for addressing your issues about the truth with an elder - leave it. You wont get anywhere. Many brothers who are well versed in scripture have gone down that road and it just causes more problems. You can be sure that some elders have the same doubts but they wont tell you and will keep it quiet for fear of what will happen to them. Eventually some manage to get free but its really hard for them and a sad situation.
You've probably done enough already by sowing a seed. Go with the flow for now as it seems you are not in any danger but unhappy. You may also find someone on here with the same experience who can advise on how to tactfully sow more seeds which will lead hubby to come to his own conclusion that things are not right.
If it helps, pray. When I first came out I switched my prayers to God rather than to Jehovah. Not that I deny Jehovah but the society has tainted the name for me. I found that praying to God was just between me and him through Jesus without the society standing in the way judging me. It's just a suggestion and it may help.
In regard to your husbands lack of friends, there are loads of us in that situation. My school was 8 miles away from home and none of the local kids went there. So while I had friends at school I never got to see them after school or at weekends for 2 reasons - firstly they lived miles away and secondly my mother wouldn't allow it. Through adult years all my friends and family are on the inside. Now I'm out I have zero friends. But I do have my wife and kids.
I see you've only been here a few months but you may have had doubts for a long time. There's a lot to take in. Some of the stuff on here is excellent but some of it is trash. But that's the great thing about openess - You now have the chance to use your own mind and come to your own conclusions which should give you a sense of freedom and happiness. If you are honest hearted, what more could your creator ask for? You seem intelligent enough by the structure of your original post. Keep up the good work.
With hubby not really being fully in - not going on service, studying etc really shows how the society can get a grip on people. In our congregation we'd call him "wish wash" yet he's been exposed to enough stuff over the years to make him feel the way he does. Don't blame yourself just keep positive. With 10 years invested between you, you must be doing something right!
Finally, be happy. Show your husband you are potentially a happier Christian even though you have doubts with the society.
S8
