Struggling

by EmptyInside 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  Doubting Bro

  Empty & 5th - I understand exactly what you guys are going through and I'm right there with you. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. Just knowing that others are going through similar circumstances can be of some comfort.

  When the choice is staying around a religion that exerts such high control (or anything for that matter that exerts that type of control) or losing the most important things in your life (wife and kids) there really is no good choice. I hate that the WTS forces that type of choice on a daily basis. I just heard of another family being destroyed because the wife doesn't want to be a JW any longer but the husband does. It can sap your will to live on some days.

  I wish things would reform but I know deep down that that will never happen. The future from where I sit is pretty dark.

  I guess all that we can do is take it one day at a time and hope that we'll be able to wake up those that mean so much to us.
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  5thGeneration

  Thx Bro!
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  ziddina

  Awesome story, ANewMe!!! VERY inspiring!!!

  EmptyInside, I was mentally about where you are, when I was seriously thinking about killing myself to get away from my abusive JW parents, my non-working, ski-bum, gambling JW husband, and the overarching shadow of the cult itself...

  Fortunately, my instinct for self-preservation kicked in and saved me. I went ahead and provided the JW husband with "scriptural" grounds for divorce. Later on, after I'd recovered much of my mischevious sense of humor and love of fun, I realized that I could have just made something up - when I think of what I COULD have made up... That would have been MUCH more fun!!! But at the time, I was still trying to be a "good little JW girl", still grimly serious around the mouth, still under that negative cloud generated by the WTBTS - ridiculous!!!

  Generally it takes some time to be able to breathe again. I can identify with the physical manifestations of overwhelming stress - and living a gigantic lie that repulses you, must be one of the worst forms of stress a person can go through.

  Once you've been out for a while - a few months, a few years - you'll look back at your present state of mind and realize how unreal the WTBTS threats are, how idiotic many of their 'bean-counting' regulations are, and how wonderful it is to be free!!

  Zid
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  Mad Sweeney

  If you can fade, I admire you. I couldn't. I was only a very short time into it and it was making me sick, then circumstances accellerated it all and I just bailed cold turkey. I feel better and better each day.
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  EmptyInside

  I thank you all for your experiences and good advice. I'm going to speed up this fade. I really need to get on with my life. Too much of my life was wasted living a lie. I can see it now. It's amazing how when one long held belief goes out the window, the rest of it follows. I still don't know how I'm going to go about it. Moving, right now, just isn't feasible. I hardly go to meetings and haven't been out in service for a couple of months now. So, I'm closer to being on the road to freedom and it's scary,but exhilarating.