I also understand the prefering him in the wheelchair. The man I dated who has MD walked very poorly. His doctor told him if he fell one more time he could wind up paralyzed for life. I see some people take so much effort to walk just a bit and I understand they want their independance and want to keep their strength but good grief - my wheelchair gives me my freedom and independance. It frees up my energy for things that are fun or pleasurable. I don't want to get half way through the day and be utterly exhausted because I expended too much energy getting from point A to point B.
Got a question about disabilities? I have answers
by Lady Lee 99 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
wasblind
Having a Butt hole for a husband should be considered a disability.
it disables you from having any joy.
-
AGuest
I don't have any visible disabilities (may you all have peace!)... or any that impair my daily life (I have Type 1 Diabetes), and so I can only relate on a limited basis. I can say, however, that in my experience as a housing administrator I have worked with and provided housing and housing related services for a LOT of folks... as well as have been trained and certified in ADA, Section 504, and other disability-related laws, etc., and it NEVER ceases to amaze me how people view... and treat... those who are physically or mentally challenged in one way or another. It is downright embarrassing, unethical, immoral... and often illegal.
I have had to train and retrain staff, as well as correct and better educate superiors and lateral staff, those who SHOULD know... and it still blows my mind. I currently educate housing providers as to the Fair Housing Act and disabilities, particularly reasonable accommodation and reasonable modification... because disability is the NUMBER ONE means of discrimination in the country, seconded only by familial status (i.e., people who don't want to rent to people with children).
People will sit in an ADA, Fair Housing or other training and from how they answer and respond, you'd think they understood. But put them in a real world situation and all of that flies right out the door. We are truly a species that goes by what it SEES... or THINK it sees... or doesn't SEE... or THINK it doesn't see... when all that is before their eyes may NOT be all there is to "see." Not all disabilities are VISIBLE.
However, they don't all NEED to be. You see what appears to be a perfectly healthy woman going into the handicap stall? So what? How does one KNOW whether she's wearing a colostomy or iliostomy bag? One doesn't know and it really shouldn't be one's business one way or the other: the handicap stall isn't only for those in wheelchairs - it is for those who NEED THE SPACE provided by the stall. Thus, some of them now have the babychanging stations in them.
It pains me when I have to "have a talk" with staff and/or co-workers about their rush to judgment... or about asking someone what the "nature" of their disability is when they ask for a reasonable accommodation, or accessible unit, or some other related service or assistance. It's HUMILIATING to the [disabled] individual... and, most instances, it's illegal.
Okay, down off my soapbox, now, but this is just another one of the "subjects" that gets my "passion" going. Please forgive.
Again, I bid you all peace.
A slave of Christ,
SA
-
AuntBee
StAnn - I really thank you for what you wrote about your fibromyalgia. My husb has chronic complications from Lyme disease, as well as other issues, and the way it plays out is a lot like fibromyalgia. Once he played basketball with our son, and his neck was messed up and painful for quite a while, because of the motions involved. He gets the "you look good' thing too. When he was still able to work, he would be greatly misunderstood for declining to do sporty activities with 'the guys'. We just had to get to the point, where we don't care what anyone thinks. I know he pushes himself sometimes as you do, just to do something fun with the family, but he pays the price for it.
Again, thanks so much for sharing that. It just meant a lot to me, and i will pass it along to him. -- bridget from az.
-
Lady Lee
AGuest
Thanks for bringing up that issue. When I was in the shelter waiting for an accessible apartment I could not believe how poorly trained staff were in the types of accessible apartments and the varying degrees of disability. "I just need something without stairs" is very different than "I need something that I can get my wheelchair through, can use the kitchen while sitting and need to get into the bathroom and laundry room."
The very first apartment they showed me after 9 months had an amazing washroom that was entirely tiled. There was no tub so that if you had a waterproof wheelchair you could just roll up to the shower and not have to climb over anything. It was way more than I would need but I knew some people who could have really benefitted from it. But then it also had a laundry room in the basement. Not a problem if there was an elevator. But I would have to
- balance my laundry on my lap and go outside,
- down and ramp and around to the back of the building
- down another ramp to the lower level
- unlock and pull open a non-accessible door and then get me, the laundry and the wheelchair through the door while holding it open.
And then reverse the process to get my clean laundry back to my apartment. No one seemed to think there was a problem with this. I thought it would have been a real challenge in the summer. I didn't even want to contemplate doing it in the rain or the snow or with ice on the ramps. And it is easy to say wait until the weather is nice but you can start doing your laundry and the weather is nice and an ice storm can blow in before you are done.
Light switches -
- toggle
- rocker switches
bathroom -
- hand rails only
- adapted toilet
- accessible tub/shower and sink
kitchen -
- accessible cupboards, sink and stove/oven
- accessible electical outlets
hallways -
- wider to accommodate walkers, wheelchair or scooters
in apartment storage -
- enough to accommodate mobility devices.
for deaf or really hard of hearing -
- fire alarms that are lights that flash
- door bells that are lights that flash
Visually impaired -
- stove with controls on the front so they don't have to reach over hot burners to turn the heat off
And that is just a quick list off the top of my head.
For some reall stupid reason and stupid is the best word I can apply to this one they thoguht a person who was in a wheelchair wouldn't need any cupboards in the kitchen. So above my counter there was 1 shelf. Yup one shelf which was suppoed to hold all my dishes and glasses etc., all my food. It was absurd. I have a cupboard over the wall oven - five feet from the floor. What good is that to someone restricted to a wheelchair?
Whoever builds these places doesn't have a clue and while you can't build one place that works for everyone there are some simple standards that could be built in.
-
Scully
Lee,
I admire and applaud your openness here, but you don't owe anyone any explanations.
Having been through bouts of depression, and some other more recent medical conditions, it amazes me that anyone would take it upon themselves to judge another's pain, emotional status, energy level etc. The worst thing for me, though, was PMS. I try to be upbeat and take additional measures to keep my premenstrual mood in check - getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, avoiding caffeine, drinking lots of water, etc. but I tend to be extra clumsy in the 2-3 days prior, dropping stuff, losing my balance, bumping into things. I also have difficulty with calculations and have to read through directions more thoroughly at that time. It's quite upsetting for me, particularly at work, because I'm normally very competent and can project several steps ahead and predict patient outcomes and required interventions with accuracy. I can do calculations in my head under normal circumstances, but I require a calculator and double or triple checking to ensure accuracy during PMS. I get auras of impending migraines more frequently at that time too.
It offends me when people make jokes about PMS - they really don't understand how frustrating it is to not feel like my normal self, and to know that they think I'm an incompetent klutz and it's worth poking fun at my expense. I dread those days every few weeks, and now that I've had a hyster, those days still happen, but it's totally unpredictable as to when it will happen.
Keep your chin up. Nobody has the right to question your stamina, your pain level or anything else.
-
cult classic
Thanks all for your experiences. I'm fascinated with how people handle disabilities. Your courage and strength are something to be admired for sure.
As a side note, When I'm in traffic and see a blind person w/cane and dog or someone in a mobility chair, I just know they will get where they're going before I do... LOL Where there's a will there's a way!
-
AGuest
you don't owe anyone any explanations.
Greetings, dear Scully, and peace to you! I understand what you mean, but I personally did not get that dear Lady Lee had to or was explaining so much as she was trying to EDUCATE, which I believe is CRITICAL regarding this topic. It is just like with all of the other "protected classes" - there is a segment of our great population that believes that unless you are fully "able-bodied" (meaning, mobile and/or unimpaired and so not needing any assistance, whether it be animal or apparatus, in order to ACCESS all of the facilities you need to, including your housing)... well, then, you should be on your own.
Dear one, there are people who won't even LOOK at the disabled... in the eye... any more than they can look someone in the eye whose skin color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, marital status... or what have you... is different from theirs. I, then, for one, am glad dear Lady Lee brought the subject us, as well as included a bit of explanation so that those who DON'T KNOW... might try to find out, if not conquer their "fear" in this regard altogether.
Again, I understand what you were trying to say, but I am glad Lady Lee included "all the details"... because folks need to KNOW.
I bid you peace!
YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,
SA
-
Lady Lee
Hi Scully
There is an end in sight so don't despair. Hopefully menopause, when it comes to you, will be an easy one. I agree about the jokes. I hated them too. Suffering, regardless of the cause, is no joke
CC
Years ago when I was a JW we had man move in acroiss the hall who had lost his sight. He was one angry SOB, screaming and yelling most of the time and disturbing the entire building. He was always throwing out the people who came to help him. He didn't want help. He wanted his sight back. But that wasn't going to happen.
-
Lady Lee
AGuest
Knowing Scully I know she wasn't trying to warn me of something. And she knows me well enough to know that there is a teacher inside of me.
I do offer information to help educate, to provide information. Too often people are too embarassed to ask questions. Little kids are great. They approach me and ask why I have a chair with wheels and if I can walk or if my legs don't work. It is their parents who drag them away totally emarassed by the kid's questions. But how else are they to learn?
We live in a society where seniors are no longer in hiding. They are out and about in their walkers and scooters. The mobility impaired are out any way that they can be. They aren't locked behind closed doors like they used to be. We live in a society that embraces the disabled like few other countries (U.S. and Canada together) in the world.
Some disabilities you can see. others you can't. But they can be just as debilitating.
If my story, whether it is the abuse or my disabilites helps others feel more informed, less ashamed, more able to confront their own issues then I am happy