Another marriage lost at the hands of the JWs (page 2)

lisavegas420

Don't wait to see an attorney. Your children need you now.

lisa

Black Sheep

Once they get the idea into their head that you are a danger to their kids, life's a bitch.

I see you have some good advice already. Take every advantage you can get.

Chris

Mad Sweeney

Agreed with everyone so far.

Don't let any emotions rule your actions other than love for your children. What is best for them is to NOT be raised in a mind control cult.

Learn the JW strategy and make sure your attorney knows it. Also, you may want to calmly report your wife to her body of elders. An advantage you have here is that the Borg is quite the mysogynist group and may force her to return to you pending their investigation of whether you are a danger to her and the kids' "spirituality."

Get their secret book on custody. Protect your kids. The wife is going to fight tooth and nail for a time but even she isn't a lost cause (though the marriage likely is).

Ten, fifteen, twenty years from now when her kids are grown and living a good clean life as NON-JWs and have a good relationship with you, their father, she may come around, too. Don't give up hope but focus on the here and now: the kids.

Finally-Free

I don't know the laws of your area, but in my province a couple is legally separated the day one leaves the marital home. Document all assets and liabilities as of that date. Also document what each of you brought into the marriage and left with.

And see a lawyer ASAP.

W

OnTheWayOut

So sorry to hear this. Be there for your kids. Garyneal offers great sound advice.

jamiebowers

Sorry to hear this, but please, if you must beg, borrow or steal, get an attorney now. It's important that you don't allow her to shut you out of the kids' lives, and you must get at least joint custody with decision making abilities for educational and medical issues.

wantstoleave

Big hugs to you! Make sure you document everything. Trust me, anything on paper becomes crucial as evidence in a court of law. Right now your kids should be your priority, so make sure to seek legal advice on maintaining contact with them. The sooner you do it, the better. The longer you leave it without seeing or contacting your kids, the worse it will look for you. Hop to it ok?

GLTirebiter

Sorry it's come to this, mtjw. You're not alone, there are better days ahead--just do what it takes to arrive there.

Randy at Freeminds has a review of "Preparing for Child Custody Cases". I can't find an online copy of the pamphlet itself (they seem to disappear), but Google did find a site offering to sell one--I am not familiar with the site, so I won't link it.

I'm no lawyer, so do verify anything I say here with your attorney...if you don't have one, get one, the best you can!

Don't stop asking to see your children. Ask regularly, and with a witness or (preferrably) with an evidence trail (letter, voice mail or email). If she says "no", be sure it's in writing, recorded, or that somebody trustworthy hears her say it! Be prepared to show that you are trying to stay involved with your children, not neglecting them, and that if you're not able to spend much time with them it isn't for a lack of trying. Likewise, when you call the children use a cell phone so that the bill will the show how often and for how long you called. Her knowledge that you have such an evidence trail documenting your involvement with the children helps you reach a fair agreement without resorting to family court custody battles, where (like it or not) the "Y" chromosone puts you at a disadvantage.

As much as possible, try to settle things without going to court. When it comes to the Judge settling a dispute, the settlement will be what the law says, which is what's best for the children based on evidence the judge sees. It almost never means one side "wins" and the other "loses"; it usually means a decision nobody wants becomes a court order, which both sides are stuck with. It will cost a bundle in legal fees, too.

garyneal

When my son's mother and I (dare I say the words 'baby's mama') set up custody and visitation of my son, we went through mediation. Mediation is something that some states (like Virginia) prefer over going to court due to all the cost involved in going to court. Mediation is free and is something they prefer to try first (saving the courts as a last resort).

Consult with a lawyer to see what advice he can give (many lawyers offer free consultation). I know you don't want to drag this into a legal situation. Frankly, I did not want to do this over my son either, but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

Like Yknot said, her being pregnant and hormonal can certainly be a factor. My "baby's mama" was this way back when all of this went down. Another story there but needless to say things did not work out well for either one of us in the end but hindsite is 20-20. I sometimes wonder if I had been more supportive of her in her time of need things might have worked out differently for us. However, I know your situation is different than ours was so I am not suggesting that you try to make an appeal to her and her feelings anymore. For it appears it has gone beyond that now and your primary focus should be on yourself and your kids.

MrFreeze

But it's a religion of love... NOT. Sorry for the garbage this religion causes and the pain it has caused you.

Another marriage lost at the hands of the JWs

Share this