Hey Sweets,
Can you say: APPEAL!?!
Appeal and do it quickly, bring two mp3 players that can record for hours, a 2Gig mp3 is like $20 at Staples, put fresh batteries on each one, then put one in each pocket. Rememberto start them recording when you're at home, don't wait till you're at the KH, nevermind the rustling from being in your pocket, you can edit that out later, also talk through when you're driving there and what you're going to say, etc. It will be very therapeutic and you'll actually get a lot of empowerment from knowing everything is going on record, on your mp3 recorded, word-for-word record.
I would definitely avoid saying you have "doubts".
YOU DO NOT HAVE "DOUBTS"!
What you have is "confusion".
Tell the elders you're confused and need to have explanations. That you're willing to accept as beliefs of the JW religion anything that they explain, and you would appreciate any resources, scriptures, quotes, or anything else that may help get rid of any confusion you're experiencing.
Jehovah's Witnesses under the mind controlling techniques of the Watchtower can accept two different explanations, even if these contradict each other, if they see it printed in the WT magazine. For example in the September Kool-aid Edition it talks about JW's having no human leader but Jesus Christ, several paragraphs later they say that the Governing Body is the one appointed to lead Jehovah's Witnesses. How can both be true, either they have human leaders or they don't. But any mind controlled JW will nod and say they are both true.
So what you need is explanations, you've been through a lot, you're suffering from depressive thoughts and this is stressing you out, tell them you need serious help, both spiritually and psychologically and need it fast, and you want them to help you, they are shepherds of the congregation and you need their help.
If you put it like that to them how can they say NO, how can they turn you down? Didn't Jesus say to leave the 99 and go after the lost sheep? Well, you're lost in the confusing proclamations that the WT Society prints, and they've printed enough contradictions over the years to make any non mind controlled follower have quite a crisis of conscience.
Do not admit to any wrongdoing, if you are repentant for anything you've done take it before Jesus and before Jehovah in prayer, do not let the wolves and wild dogs tear you to shreds.
That said I hope the best for you and keep praying you have strength and the bravery needed to go through this wacky ordeal.
