Best JW Jokes!

by brotherdan 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • brotherdan
    brotherdan

    I was watching "Friday" this weekend and had forgotten about the part in the beginning when the 2 JW ladies woke him up. It was hilarious. Even my wife laughed and said, "That's how you preach in the hood!"

    So it got me thinking. I liked JW jokes when I was a JW. Does anyone remember any? Here are a couple of my favorites:

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    The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah’s Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated!

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    I’m a Jehovah’s Bystander. We’s like the Witnesses, only we don’t wanna get involved. – Flip Wilson

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    What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with an agnostic? Someone who goes door to door for no apparent reason.

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    What does Hannibal Lector call a Jehovah’s Witness? Free delivery! – Jay Leno

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    The Jehovah’s Witnesses sex scandal started its first day in court today. When they knocked on the door of the courthouse, nobody answered the door. – David Letterman

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    A young boy was walking along the road pulling puppies in a wagon. He was walking by a kingdom hall, where a district overseer stood outside on the grass. Curious, the district overseer asks “What kind of puppies are those?”
    In reply the boy said: ” They’re Jehovah’s Witness puppies.”
    The district overseer chuckled and the boy was on his way.
    The same boy walked by the kingdom hall once more and the district overseer this time was standing with some elders.
    The district overseer said “Watch this” and asked again “What kind of puppies are those?”
    This time the boy said “Love Puppies.”
    The district overseer, shocked, said, “I thought you said they were Jehovah’s Witness puppies.”
    The boy said “Yeah, but today their eyes opened!”

  • brotherdan
    brotherdan

    HOW TO GET RID OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS

    When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

    Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

    Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

    Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

    Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

    Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

    A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

    Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

    Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

    Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.

  • palmtree67
    palmtree67

    Rodney Dangerfield: "I don't get no respect. Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door and they tell me they're not interested."

    __________________________

    Why is it that only JW's survive earthquakes?

    They are always standing in doorwways.

    ___________________________

    Why don't JW's celebrate Halloween?

    They don't like strangers knocking on their doors.

  • Chalam
    Chalam

    Light Bulb

    How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

    Twelve. They all live in Brooklyn, and they have to keep changing it every day for “new light.”

    Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!

    None. They’re always getting “new light” from Brooklyn.

    Nobody knows, they haven’t seen the light YET. – Doug W.

    More here http://www.virushead.net/vhrandom/jws/jw-humor

  • Ding
    Ding

    How do you get rid of a JW at your door?

    Invite them in for a talk about the old days in the organization.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Skoda?

    You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness....

  • brotherdan
  • Meeting Junkie No More
    Meeting Junkie No More

    Mickey Mouse: Good one!

  • brotherdan
  • brotherdan

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