I've posted several times about how I'm fed up with the witnesses but my wife won't budge. She's become a bit more tolerant lately, but mostly we get along better when we don't talk about anything substantive. I've been working up the nerve to tell the elders why I don't go out anymore. I've also been making new friends so I won't be so dependent on the society. That's really the big stick they wield, they can take away all your friends with the stroke of a pen. So I basically don't go to any meetings now, instead I hang out with my new friends. They're awesome! (if you'll allow me to employ teen-speak) At any rate, I now have a new problem, one I didn't really expect. I assumed that my wife and I would just lead our separate lives, she'd do meetings and I'd do normal non-dub things. It's incredibly difficult emotionally to be in my situation though, I feel so distant from my wife. That's obviously not good for a marriage. Another thing that's not good for a marriage is for the two parties to lead separate lives. (Thank you WT for that kick in the teeth, if it were'nt for shunning I wouldn't have begun to have felt the need to look elsewhere for support) Anyway, I met the most beautiful woman from Ecuador last month at a Christmas party(Yes, I did Christmas this year, twice! Did you know that the Orthodox Christians celebrate it in January? note to self When celebrating Christmas with Ukrainians, don't forget to appoint a designated driver) getting back to the story.... She taught me how to dance to the Latin music. It was great! I felt a little twinge of heart-sickness, but I got over it. Except that she shows up another time. When we walk to a restaurant with the group, she puts her arm around mine. That's not so unusal among Latins. ( I'm the only Gringo among them) Sometimes a man and a woman will stroll along that way just chatting, you think there's somthing romantic, but the next week they're all slightly rearanged. They're a rather tactile group. It's nice. The third time I saw her, I offered to pick her up for coffee the following day. We ended up having a rather romantic evening( no sex, but a few kisses)on her couch. Neither of us seemed to set out with any romantic intentions in the forefront of our minds, I (and she) would have probably denied any real romantic interest if you had asked us the day before. But after awhile we seemed to be moving closer, talking, watching TV, playing the card game uno. One of us would sigh and the other would ask what they were thinking. But we didn't want to say anything. After awhile it got to be almost comical. I'm on the couch with this beautiful woman, we're snuggled together, holding hands but seem unwilling to say out loud that anything is going on. We had talked about her life and mine earlier in the evening, so we understand each other pretty well. I'm thrilled, scared, elated, worried, incredibly alive and hyper-nervous all at the same time.
I know the elders will disfellowship me, and I've known for a long time that that would be the practical end of our marriage. I feel a little guilty. I'm sorry for my wife, she seems to love me. But after struggling for three years, I can't see any other way out of it. If it's not this girl, it'll be another. (I hope it's this one!) It's a terribly vulnerable position to be in. I can't go out in service because I don't want to spread information that I don't agree with, If I sit at home waiting for my wife, I become a JW widower. I'm in my early thirties. It's a little young to call it quits. Plus I'd like to have children. Wouldn't it be nice to not have your little ones come home from the KH with questions like, "daddy, why do you serve Satan?" or "Why is Jehovah going to kill you at Armageddon?" So, I don't know if this has any real point, not exactly a question in there. As the brother says during the bookstudy when he knows he needs to fill time, but can't think of anything clever to ask, "any further comments?"