My Life has been a total wreck (page 2)

BabaYaga

Hello and welcome. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Everything will sort itself out. And believe us... it DOES get better.

Love,
Baba.

jwfacts

Welcome Bloominglotus, lovely name.

I am sorry to hear of the terrible times you have been through. At least it was good to read that your sister is there for you.

I agree with Vampire, don't rush into things. There is no need to D/A and play by their rules. Let things settle for now. It sounds like your talk with your mother got a bit heated and things were said that may not have been meant. Hopefully she will re-think things regarding going to the elders.

Don't worry about your parents doing anything too destructive, beyond how they already live their lives. Witnesses are not a suicide cult and have been around a long time. Things are not likely to change too quickly. If you rush into things and trying to prove your mother wrong, she will just lock you out of her life. It is better for you to be calm and be there for her, as that is the best way to help in the long run.

Regarding celebrations, I think it is healthy for your children to engage in these normal human activities. What matters is how things are thought of now, not what may have been the case thousands of years ago. Everything has a pagan connotation if you look back far enough and you will drive yourself crazy if you go looking for it. For children, celebrations are a happy way to connect with others, and even for adults there is no thought given to pagan Gods. It is either a fun time, or a rememberance of their current understanding of the creator.

braveheart

Hello and Welcome Bloominglotus...I too enjoyed your story...it's good to Vent...good for the soul.

You will find friendship, wisdom...peace, love, and joy here.

It sounds like your life is On the Mend...you have already done a lot of independent thinking and research.

I wish you well. -BH

jamiebowers

Your mother sounds like mine, a jw tattler. Once you understand that the Watchtower is a cult, you have no need to follow their direction and da. If the elders badger you for your decision, tell them that you're busy dealing with health issues and have no time to deal with them. If questioned about the sister telling you that jws broke from the Adventists, I would deny it. Let your mom twist in the wind for a while. Maybe she'll learn to stop being a tattler.

Kudos to your husband. He sounds like a good guy. He may want to join this board, so he can undersand what you're going through.

As for being afraid to celebrate holidays and worshipping a false god, consider the following questions:

Are you worshipping a false god by using the names of the days of the weeks and months of the year?

Are you worshipping a false god when using lipstick?

When you got married, did you wear a white dress, exchange rings, or go on a honeymoon?

The names of the days of the week and months of the year originate with gods other than the one in the Bible. Lipstick originated with pagan prostitutes rubbing berries on their lips to advertise oral sex services. Just about all of the modern day marriage rituals have pagan roots. But none of this stuff has the same meaning today as it did thouands of years ago. Th same is true of the holidays. If you keep searching you will find that almost everything you learned from the Watchtower is either blatantly untrue or a twisted version of the truth.

Cult experts recommend that you not attack the cult but appeal to the cult member's authentic personality. You can learn more by reading Steven Hassan's book Combattig Cut Mind Control. You may also find The Feeling Good Handbook helpful in the day to day dealing with depression. Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience" will help you to comprehend the truth about the Watchtower's dishonesty.

Welcome to JWN. You're going to be fine. You're not the first to learn the truth about the "truth", and you won't be the last.

Broken Promises

Just wanted to say hi, and welcome!

You really have gone through some tough times but you show yourself to be a true survivor!

At this stage, as the others have said, take your time working out what is going to work for you and your family. As for celebrations, start small. eg, for the girls' birthdays, why not just bake/buy a nice cake with their favorite cartoon character on it, or go for a picnic as a family? Just start simply, then do what works for you.

Hadit

Welcome Bloominglotus! Thank you for sharing your story. You have been through a lot (inside and outside of this cult!). Glad you found this site. You've been given lots of great advice. I'll just reiterate the "breathe" part and to take it slow and easy. Let yourself process everything. It does calm down after the initial shock. Take good care of yourself. You're on the right track to healing.

I wish you all the best!

Hadit

3Mozzies

Welcome Bloominglotus

Glad you found us here, your story is sad yet you are very fortunate in having such a great husband. Lean on him, as he has not been brainwashed by this cult and can help you see strait when you think you are disobeying God or having major guilt feelings.

I have JW family members still in and they are like your mother, man it's so hard talking logically to them. I have ordered Steven Hassan's book 'Combatting Cut Mind Control'. I look forward to reading it and helping myself more and my trapped family members.

Like others have said, take your time and don't rush into things. You have a lot to learn about this dangerous cult.

Take care :)

3Mozzies

Gayle

It's comical once leaving JWs and deciding to celebrate birthdays, that no one is killed or beheaded at a birthday. AT the children's Valentine's party at school doesn't break out ever into an orgy, that on Mother's day no one bows down to worship their mother, Thanksgiving is truly just a nice thanksgiving time and reflection of good things or blessings, Christmas a just a nice time of loving and giving and caring after all.

JWs want to demonize every thing and it's not. For your children, it is best to move on for them. The holidays become wonderful memories for the children. For JW kids, going out door to door and sitting at meetings offer no fond memories. Childhood is a short time and there are many wonderful things and events to celebrate life seasonally. You'll see the joy in your children and you will easily grow into it for them.

Lozhasleft

Welcome Bloominglotus - you will find comfort and support on here.

Loz x

LouBelle

Hi BloomingLotus: I am so glad I came across your topic - that is why I still scroll through the site - just in case there is somone I can personally reach out too and encourage, as I was once encourage when I left the organisation.

You've gone through some very tough times, but you've always pulled through, that means you have a strength in you!!! Focus on that strength.

When you have to break off any relationship with family, it is difficult, especially when it doesn't stem from your side. You can either talk against the witnesses with your mum or you can accept that the JW is a cult and not talk about it with mum - as it seems that she does get into defensive mode the minute you say anything. Perhaps if you just don't talk about it, you may save some sort of relationship. All I know is that it is going to be difficult either way. You have your wonderful husband, your two children and you to think about. You need to make your family life as happy as you can, so that you enjoy each glorious day to it's full.

I have left family and all my friends behind, and only have a very very few good friends and those are all far away from me, so at times it's tough, but I would give up everythng to be free from that faith - so I win

I wish you all the best with your journey.

My Life has been a total wreck

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