Some of you are really insane with the whole 'Your 19, lolz get out' bit. We all come here day in and day out and complain about the craziness we've all had because of the power we all gave to these people and your browbeating a 19 year old whose spent his whole life listening to these people for not being able to clearly see his options. And may be it never occured to you but like a lot of witness kids, how this religion stunts some kids (and pushes others to be the wildest out of the bunch) so a 19 year old can really not be that much different from a 16 year old? Does this kid sound mature to you all?
Stop it. Stop being being douchebags because its not easy to just up and take that power-at 19 and 'be your own man' when a good majority of us/you all either still do lie about your feelings about the WTBS to appease your family and keep peace or have done so some time in your life. So, knock it off! Wth, did you join the army or go to school right away? Did you not have to deal with the elders and their craziness or deal with the fear or losing your family?
Look bottleofwater, the way they are saying it may not be the nicest or appropriate way but they are right- you are your own person, seperate and apart from your family; but most people don't have to worry about the fear of losing their family for being who they are or what they believe in. In the culture we have and growing up the way most of us have grown up you probably have enough internalized homophobias that talking with any elder or person about your feelings may seem like the WORST THING EVER OMGZ.
You say you pioneered and its basically been your whole life- can I ask you if you still believe in it? Because I know back when I came out to myself I had mentally tortured myself for some time with the indecisiveness and your actions kind of remind me of my own and I laugh at my self now 'cause it seems like such a different person ago.
I get why you don't want to talk to the elders or anybody or get browbeating about your gay or any gayness or the troof and it may be hard but all you really have to do is just say you don't feel like talking about it right now. Hell, its the truth. You don't. You don't have to talk to anybody until your damn ready. Don't get mad at them though; your parents albiet in their own selfish and messed up way are just scared of losing you and will act and say some stupid and rash stuff that they'll eventually will hate themselves later on.
So, stop hiding and pick up the phone, call your dad and mom and tell him you don't feel like talking. Tell him that you're fine, everything will be okay, but you need space to think and that he needs to respect that. And after that, just breathe. Dont go out in field service, dont go to a meeting unless you want to and 'do you' as they say. They technically can't DF you until they have proof or reason and saying your gay isn't an automatic sentence.
So breathe, relax, go do something you like doing and yes little by little take back your control that you didn't know you had and enjoy your life!