Never Wake Up (page 6)

Jadeen

Have you thought about having a family study night where you just read the Bible? Next time your wife starts in on you, tell her that maybe she's right. Tell your wife that you feel lost, want to "regain your faith", and want to study the Bible as a family- and just the Bible.

Start in the beginning of the New Testament. Others on the board have said that studying just the Bible helped them and their families realize that the Society does not follow what the Bible says.

This may also smooth things over with your wife, since you'll be showing interest in spiritual matters and acting as head of the household by "providing spiritual nourishment".

Edited to add: That last bit almost made me gag as I was typing it.

yknot

Just a thought......

Yall are still having a 'fight' ......

Absolutes don't allow for flexibility.

Aboslute no JWstuff means she is going to feel compelled to 'be strong' and 'take the lead' spiritually and that ends up with you being shut out. Being shut out causes distance and distance just grows more and more until things die.

I understand what you feel and are saying but you are playing right into the WTS hands by removing yourself from her life spiritually with you gone the WTS has sole control.

Fall back, retreat, regroup and try another point of entry......one in which you don't allow absolutes to box you in.

cantleave

Sorry to hear of your situation.

GrandmaJones

Undercover is right. Be careful. You will be up on Apostacy charges before you know it if you push this too fast and too hard.

carla

Skip the mind control part and try not to let that cat out of the bag again!

Can't you guys come to an agreement of some sort such as only discussing one issue at a time? or maybe reading the bible (and not a NWT) one book at a time without commentary from either of you? Start in the NT. If you are going to email each other set some ground rules first! discuss one topic at a time, ones that bother you, and for goodness sakes she must not go to the elders with anything! ask her if you can trust her to keep this between a husband and wife? if in doubt then ask about reading a bible, say a few chapters together each night or something. You read one she reads one and end it there NO commentary allowed and bible only or if she will not agree then use their own KIT and compare the Greek to their mis-translations. I remember reading that some jw's have left the org just by reading Galations and/or Romans. We tried that but my jw couldn't keep his stupid comments to himself. I know other ubm's who also tried that with some success.

If she doubts things you found on line then buy them. They are available at Freeminds, Ebay and other places. She can and should be able to go to the kh library and compare if necessary. Not the elders manual of course, but she could bring it to an elder and ask him if it is the real deal just kidding.

I've been exactly where you are except that I was never a jw and he was a newbie jw so I fully understand the fights you are having and will have. Not pleasant at all. Keep assuring her you love her and family and for the time being let her know that you love God so much that you must find the truth behind the 'truth' because it is so important and in fact you are required to do so per the Bible (see Thess. forgot exact script a bit rusty). I say that only because I forgot where you do stand in the belief dept. Your life is bringing up many memories for me, not good ones either! I wish you a better time.

Your son staying home with you? why not? go fishing, to the park or some fun activity! Who wouldn't rather stay and have fun vs sitting in a suit completely still with your mouth shut for a few hours? Your son will not be harmed by missing a few meetings say every other week. That will be a real sore spot but you can then begin to teach some real critical thinking skills that are age appropriate. See many sites on critical thinking skills for kids. Personally after reading silentlambs, freeminds, jwd, etc... I never allowed my kids to step foot in a kh.

Will be thinking of you and hope things settle down a bit for you all. Don't forget to take care of your own well being right now. I mean-- eat, rest, try to destress. I didn't do things so I know of which I speak. Someone thought I had a terminal illness for awhile I looked like hell I was so stressed.

Things can and do get better. Hang in there. Plan a fun activity for all of you together, play a game, something, anything as a family unit.

Ding

Reading the Bible together is a good idea.

How can she object to that?

I'd start with Romans and Galatians since they deal with salvation and grace as opposed to works and legalism.

I believe it was studying those two books without WT literature that led Randy Watters and lots of other Bethelites out of the organization to Jesus in the 80s.

Don't try to push conclusions on her.

She has to see it herself.

Only God can open the eyes of the blind so I'll be praying for God to open her eyes.

I don't advise sending any more emails unless you're ready to be DFd.

Undercover is right.

Even in MS' short, diplomatic email there's the sentence, "I am going to stop criticizing the organization that obviously means so much to you."

You know how a JC would view that: (1) An admission that you're been criticizing the organization and (2) the organization means much to your wife but not to you.

If you're prepared to be DFd that's one thing, but if you're not, don't put anything in writing.

If she will read Steve Hassan's writings on mind control that don't discuss the WTS, fine, but don't be surprised if she doesn't see the connection.

Don't try to push anything on her at this point; most likely that will be counterproductive.

stuckinamovement

Brother Dan,

Hang in there man. It sounds like you are getting anxious. Remember being a witness is an identity. When you point out that it is all false it can feel like a personal attack and not just an attack on a crooked organization. I agree with undercover that you should not send that email. Don't even keep it on your computer.

Your experience scared the crap out of me because it sounds like the reaction my wife could have if I laid it all out to her in that manner instead of a drip feed.

I am still working on my wife. She knows I have doubts, she has always been my best friend and I have told her point blank that if the elders knew that I did not wholeheartedly believe in many of the doctrines I would be immediately DFed. She can see that there are things that are wrong also but is waiting for a clear sign that God is not with the organization anymore.

She feels that I am confused and stumbled, and that time will be the test as to whether God's spirit is still with the org. So for the moment I am in a holding pattern waiting for something to break loose.

I figure that since it took my whole life to get to where I was in the organization I can't expect to get out too quickly without losing the person I love the most in the world. So I sit in the meetings, give parts, and sometimes go in service all of the time hating myself. But I feel that it is worth hating myself for a short while to save the person I love.

Take care and hang in there. It is rough. I think that your wifes reaction is telling you that you hit a nerve. Let it simmer for a while.

SIAM

VoidEater

I think you are on the right track...try not to back her into a corner with what is true, but perhaps ask her subtle questions...

wannabefree

Brotherdan .. I have been growing impatient myself again, had a long talk with my wife a couple nights ago, according to her of course everybody who studied and came into "the Truth" must be right otherwise they wouldn't have.

There is no logic ... admittedly, there wouldn't have been with me the past couple of decades either, I had to wake up just as you did, your wife and mine are still trapped in the nightmare and they need to be given gentle coaxing to wake up on their own.

I was too forthright but I also tried using angles like leavingwt did above, I told her the next morning "I love you and would never tell you what to believe, I just want you to make sure, just like the Bible tells us many times, make sure your faith is in Jehovah and Jesus and not in earthling man".

I don't know if she will ever be free, being a witness has been her entire life, all of her dreams and nightmares revolve around this life, I do remain hopeful.

Be progressive, but figure out the strategy without relinquishing total control to the organization. Hang in there, maybe some day we can have a beer together when our wives are free.

GLTirebiter

I'm glad you're not sending that first email, BrotherDan. Even though what you say is true, it will bring on another defensive reaction. Take some cooling-off time, as YKnot suggested.

Pleased consider changing Mad Sweeney's version a little bit. Change the "you" phrases to "us" statements. It's about making a marital partnership work, not about who wins the pyrrhic victory. For example:

I am goingLet's agree to stop criticizing the organizationbeliefs that obviously means so much to youeach other. You know meWe know each other, we know we don't always agree, but we also know that doesn't mean either of us is an evil person. I wouldWe should never try to turn you and the kids against Jehovaheach other.

Never Wake Up

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