Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself. I've been reading your posts for a couple of months now and I think I finally have the courage to join in. I have written and deleted this post many times. There are just so many situations that have led to me getting to this point and I was trying to share it all at once. I think I will just start with the basics, it will be much easier.
I am a born in JW. My father was the PO of the cong and my mother a reg pioneer. I was baptized right before my 12th birthday, not because I had thought about it and researched it, but because that was what I was suppose to do. I lived in a small town and grew up in a tight knit cong. In my early teens i got into some trouble with a boy from the KH. (Well he wasnt really a boy...he was 18 and I was 13!) I snuck out one night to see him and we got caught. Both of us had elder fathers who immediately set up JC to deal with us. So as I sit there with my parents beside me and 3 older bros that I've known my whole life, I am beyond humiliated. I am only 13 and sooo naive. I admit to them that we had kissed and think that the worst is over. But they proceed to keep pressuring me to tell them anything else that might have happened. I dont understand what more they want me to say, I've already admitted that I kissed a boy. I know that my face is so bright red with embarassement at this point and I just want to cry so i put my head down and try to ignore them. They must take this to mean i am guilty of more but dont know how to tell them, so they proceed to start asking me questions..."Did he do this to you?? Did he touch you here?? Did you touch him??" and it goes on and on and gets much more sexual and much more explicit. I didnt know what most of the things they said meant. After talking to the boy and his parents they call me and my parents back in and say they dont think we need to be disciplined within the cong.
At 16, I get in trouble for having a worldly boyfriend. When I cannot agree to stop seeing him they DF me. Shortly after that my parents kicked me out of the house. My family had no contact with me whatsoever. At 18 I end up getting reinstated and my boyfriend studies and gets baptized (all because I so desperatly wanted my family in my life). We get married and start our family. We are not strong in the truth, but attend the meetings pretty regularly and go by most of the rules.
Fast forward almost 15 years...still happily married now with 3 kids. We have had many issues with the WT teachings over the years and seen so many double standards within the cong, but we would just eventually get over it and move on. My oldest daughter is 12 or 13 and all of a sudden something inside me just clicks. I see her so young and innocent. I could never imagine asking her at this age to make a decision (to be baptized) that will affect her for the rest of her life. She's just a child! And I cannot imagine for the life of me sitting her in front of a bunch of perverted elders to talk about her first kiss with a boy and then allow them to start humiliating her and asking her sexual questions!!!! So much hatred and anger towards the organization (and my parents) takes over me. I cannot step foot in the KH. I feel like my whole childhood was robbed from me. How could my parents throw me out of the house at 16?? I was a child still. How could they not have called to see if I was ok or if I even found a place to stay!?! And all of the awful experiences of my childhood, starting with that JC committee at 13, come crashing down on me.
I confront my parents. Though my mom feels bad and admits she probably wouldnt do it they way now, they say they were doing what was right in Jehovah's eyes and my dad stands by it 100%. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Even the law says you are responsible for me until I am 18!! I cannot believe that this would be how God would want you to treat your child. I end up in therapy to help me deal with all of my emotions. I had totally suppressed so many feelings. Feelings of humiliation and embarrassment, the hurt of being shunned by my family and friends at such a young age, the pain of just wanting to be a normal kid, and the anger for all I went through and all I missed out on. It was sort of like all of a sudden I woke up from a very bad dream.
So I decided to not waste anymore time in my life or that of my families lives. I started to research things that I have always questioned or couldnt understand. My eyes were opened to the truth about the truth. It's still very emotional to me. I want back all the time I've wasted in this lie. But I am grateful to know the real truth now and to just move forward. My husband admitted to me that he never believed it but he lived it to be with me. He is the most amazing man in the world, and I couldn't have made it through all these things in my life without him.
It has been about 2 years since I have been to a meeting. We are not DFed at this point but that will probably happen in the near future. We celebrated my daughters birthday this summer and we had a wonderful time. We are all looking forward to the holidays coming up. I am so thankful that my children will not have to go through what I did being raised as a JW. We are all much happier now and we are enjoying life like never before.
Sorry this ended up being so long...thanks for listening!