Dating, even as a JW, for me was a wonderful, almost dreamlike experience. Something intoxicating about first love.
Marriage actually wasn't too bad either, at least for the first few years.
How was dating as Jehovah Witness?
by Pitchess Co-Gen 45 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
dgp
Marked.
-
Searchn4answrs
Growing up a Jdub always made my siblings and I ,well very sexually aware.Its labeled taboo in the org.Therefore using our god given brains ;we always questioned the subject.We were made very aware that human sexuality was innapropriate.Nevertheless, I was DFd early in life for premarital sex. I was reinstated 6months later.And as a result had to marry the Jdub,i was involved with.And at my JC,very intimate details were asked .We stayed married for 11yrs..Sex isnt dirty or ugly.And grown men ,actually get their kicks off these young oblivious souls. It was very humiliating.But as a female in the organization,I had no rights. And my protectors(parents)failed me.They actually turned me in..I will never let any authority question my children's personal lives...That is distorted and inane.I have faded out.Although,not completely,my x is still active.Therefore the children still have ties.I do my very best to educate their little minds.And treat them like individuals ,and not property. Its taken an eternity to began to lose my narrow-minded mentality.But I am on the mend.However I still have that horrible sense of vulnerability ,when it comes to those memories...Anyhow my thoughts are that these types of dating methods are a set up for; complete failure.And because women are to be submissive .A lifetime of misery for them.
-
streets76
God bless that cute little sister who taught me how to French kiss, lo those many years ago!
As was stated above, the real tragedy was in letting so many good ones (meaning NON-JW girls I met along the way) get away simply because I was a dub and they weren't.
'Tis a pity there is no god to curse.
-
NomadSoul
Now that I look back.... I never really did date anyone in the congregation. (I stopped going to the meetings when I was 16...yeah you can imagine the battle I went through)
But I do remember one time when I was 13 the elders called me to the back room for hugging a girl outside the kingdom hall. She was the daughter of some parents that were studying. It was a chilly night and I was hanging around outside, and I was talking to her and she said she was cold so she hugged me while I put my jacket around her too. I liked her, so I hugged her even more tight, hehehe
-
Juan Viejo2
As a high school aged JW in the late 50's, my life was very much like "Happy Days," the 1970s TV comedy (USA). My parents really didn't have a problem with me dating non-JW girls from time to time because they knew I was an active and faithful JW and I always dated "nice" girls. I would also date JW girls from time to time, but most of them were so messed up in the head that I found it to be a real chore.
The JW girls I dated were often cute when they were younger, but most turned out to be JW breeding cows. No disrespect to any of the fine ladies on this board, but for some reason as soon as those girls would get married, they would start popping babies and gaining weight. Some of them were real lookers as teens, but even in their 20s, many were difficult to look at and remember that I'd dated them once.
Every time I hear "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks I think of some of those gals.
I married a wordly girl from my high school senior class. She was not a JW when we got married in the Kingdom Hall, but she was studying and eventually converting. She was still in when I left the JWs about five years after our wedding. That whole thing is another story.
I think the best date I ever had with a JW girl was quite unexpected. A brother in our congregation had a couple of kids, one a girl who was a bit of a disciplinary problem during her junior high years. The whole family moved back east someplace and I totally lost track of all of them. One weekend the brother and his now 19 year old daughter came to town to visit and take care of family business. He asked me if I might take her out someplace while they were in town, so I suggested several things we could do. She insisted on going to the drive-in movie. I was Ok with that.
During the first feature we were very good and watched the movie and enjoyed our popcorn and all that - maybe held hands. But during the second feature she was all over me and insisted we get in the back seat. For those of you who have experienced that type of backseat entertainment you can pretty well imagine what we were doing for the next two hours. I almost lost my virginity that night. I know I pretty much lost everything else. Learned a few things too. That little JW girl was the hottest date I EVER HAD! The next day she and her father went home and I never saw her again. Never saw her, but will never forget her - that's for sure.
All in all, dating in the 1950s and 60s was pretty much based on the customs of the times. Later, in the 1960s and 70s, I know the rules about dating got really tight and dating a non-JW was pretty much a banned activity. The girls at the KH were for the most part pretty naive and confused about their sexuality - so many really went overboard when their hormones began raging out of control. My guess is that for most it is still that way and is probably a major cause of so much "pornea" going on in the KHs. It's very difficult to have a normal adolescent life for any "good" JW kid.
-
Pitchess Co-Gen
...
-
d
I did not date as a witness, but I was asked out many times and had to refuse oh the regrets.I am 20 yrs old and I am still nerovus around the opposite sex.
-
av8orntexas
I think the process of getting to know a person was worse,than dating. Getting to know a JW sister was like a job interview for me. I felt and still do to this day that most sisters were only interested in status. Are you A.) An Bethelite B.) An Elder , or C.) An Ministerial Servant. If not oMG why are you talking to me ?
To answer the question posed by the OP. I found dating as JW painstakingly frustrating. As a young teen,I read, and then re-read the YPA book. Because those are the answers that work right ?
Dating as a Witness is hard. I always felt like you could never say 'Hey,lets go catch a movie. If you did,you had to invite a BIG ASS group,and half the time you never got a chance to get to know that person one on one. It seems most of the time,that person would branch off with her GF's and you with the guys,and your goal of getting to know that person was out the window. At least that's how it seemed to go with me.
When I did start dating,my ex was a regular pioneer. I was physically attracted to her. She was short ( I was a good foot taller and a couple of inches) ,curvy and had dark hair. She was independent,had her own place,and really seemed different than most of the witness sisters I knew. She had no complaints about my music.,sense of humor or anything.
She lived in Cali and I in Texas. So I was flying out there like every 3 weeks. I found out shortly after we started dating that she was on her way out,but I was still locked in to the JW message pretty good,and thought of her as bad. She sent me a full body nude photo one day and asked me what I thought. Hmmmmm, deep inside I thought it looked HELLA good,but being the JW dork I still was,I told my friend. He actually told me I probably thought I saw that,but really didn't. If I knew then what I know now about alot of things.......I'd have been a really,really bad boy
Once while visiting out there after arriving from the airport,she stuck her tongue halfway down my throat. I told her we shouldn't be kissing like that. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Man, I laugh at it now. I realize people might boy,how clueless can you be. But I was tryuing so hard to be a good DUB. I think she got impatient with me ( especially how I wasn't taking a few hints ) I would tell a friend of mine some stuff. Him being married and a friend, I felt like he would be a great person to talk. Long story short,he and her ended talking in the sense of him giving her his opinions,etc and basically being in the middle of our relationship.
She dumped me out of the blue, and that got the ball rolling with me fading. That, and my 'friend' putting his two cents into it,by talking with her.
Overall I found and find dating as a JW to be excrutiating. The rules and constant eyeballs on you. The thought that whoever you date....then that is going to be your mate. Yeah....no pressure there !
I know I can't make a blanket statement,but I thought some sisters where waiting for a cross between a Will Smith/George Clooney/Matthey McConaughey in looks, Warren Buffet in the pocket ( not really,but def well off ) , at the same time still uber spiritual enough to be a Bethelite hopefully,but an MS at least.
I felt like they were looking for Jesus Jr.
-
av8orntexas
Lore,
Thats EXACTLY how it was in my area. You can't get to know a person that way.
Thats why I say it was like a job interview and completely frustrating.