And so it begins...

by StarTrekAngel 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  millie210

  You are right to tread carefully.Star Trek Angel. While it may be ever so tempting to say something cool or a short quip it is counter productive to your personal goals.

  They need to feel you are pleasant and not in spiritual danger. Then they can relax and forget about you and focus on whomever else catches their attention.

  Say whatever you have to say to calm them but give them nothing to go anywhere with.

  I am fading and want to keep peaceful relations with my family and friends, so I am finding I have to take a very gradual and slow approach. I do not appear to be resisting or fighting in any way but I am also less compliant all the time in my actions (not my words).

  They feel respected and listened to but I am achieving my goal and it is going to go my way in the end.
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  FayeDunaway

  I agree with Millie!!

  it is so easy to be sarcastic and snarky, but what you need to do is show humility WITHOUT giving them any information that could hurt yourself.
• 

  Magnum

  "We need to talk." Damn, that infuriates me. Those condescending, smug ba@#$%ds. So, they think they're in such a righteous, exalted position and they need to talk with you, the lowly, weak one, to either help you or set you straight.

  Please, however you handle it, just don't give them the impression you're weak because you're not. The JWs in my area will never leave me thinking I'm weak. I'm far stronger than they are in several ways, including spiritually.

  I love Oubliette's and Tenacious' suggestions. Both of Oubliette's posts show strength - not letting them get the upper hand.

  I also agree with millie210 and FayeDunaway about not giving them anything against you (unless it won't bother you).

  So, my suggestion is to be skillful and not give them anything they can use against you, but do not show weakness. Be strong and let them know you don't need or want them - that you feel stronger than ever.
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  Gayle

  just show your disposition of peaceful and happy. They hate that because they don't know what to do with that.
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  yodastar

  Well said Gayle! Perfect. Sad as it might be for a while there I just put down what I wanted for hours and placements! Then that got boring too but it was a bit of fun. Since they taught us so well to pretend and create double lives - pretending that you are really sorry works for a bit as well. Then they just give up because actually underneath it they don't care and are too busy warding off the brownnosers.
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  Esse quam videri

  "we need to talk"

  I know, I know. I've been thinking about it ever since I saw you coming out of that massage parlour.
  
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  bafh

  "We need to talk".

  "Ok,-" and then never be available or if you get cornered, be on your way to an appointment.

  avoid, avoid avoid
• 

  Lieu

  You could also go the medical route. Some medication is making you constantly ill in some way that your doc is looking into. Wifey has had to keep attending to you daily.
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  Oubliette

  Magnum, I'm glad you like my posts. Actually, I thought I was being kind of snarky.

  I wouldn't suggest anyone use my responses verbatim, but the idea is to imagine the conversation much differently than we've been conditioned.

  The elders only have power if we give it to them. We need to reassert our appropriate personal boundaries, recognizing that their professions of "concern" are bullshit. They just want to assert their authority.

  Don't give it to them.
  
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  Magnum

  Oubliette, I actually figured you were being a little snarky, but I think the general point or tone of your suggestions is exactly right. JWs think that we are where we are because we're weak. They think they are strong and that they have something we need. They're condescending and smug.

  However one handles specific situations such as the one mentioned in the OP, I feel that he should never appear weak and in need of them or what they have. He should never reinforce their feelings of strength or power over him.

  Even though you were being sort of snarky, I would actually use your suggestions basically verbatim. However, I have the fortitude to do it and stand my ground with them without so much as flinching. I did it with CO's when I was an elder. However, I realize that it might be difficult for some, or it might cause them problems.

  EDITED TO ADD: Was thinking about it some more. I think your snarky suggestions capture the essence of what our attitudes should be. They're the weak ones. We're strong. We recognize falsehood, bologna, deception, hyprocrisy, etc., and they don't. It takes strength to break away from something like JWdom - something that was such a part of the lives of most of us . They just go with the flow and accept whatever the Magnificent 7 say and idolize them.

  They will never get the impression that I'm weak or faring worse without them.