by Open mind 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I believed that God was the Big Boss and his first-line supervisor was Jesus.
Everything beyond that got a bit shaky for me throughout my JW life.
But this bit, I NEVER bought into for even an instant: The husband is the Head of the wife.
Not once in our many years of JW marriage did I ever play the "headship" card. Nor did I think it made any sense.
How about you?
om
NEVER! Being female, I was watchfully comparing the actions and decisions of males v. females.
I found both to make good decisions and bad ones.
I also found that one isn't smarter or a better leader than the other.
Ever watch a mother with her well behaved children? That's a sign of a good leader.
Same with a father.
We are all the same just with different styles.
I did.
I bought it all.
And since I saw a big difference in the 'peace' of my household once I started 'deferring', that just seemed to strengthen that they were right.
Of course, had I started devoting more than an hour study a week to the JW's, that peace would have disappeared, and then I would have had to fight against that 'headship' thing.
I'm not there anymore. And what I really think now that helped was me setting aside my pride and making the first step toward making peace or making the first compromise, to which my husband responded in kind.
(not always, but no man is perfect )
Tammy
OH, I bought into everything WTS said for some time. It wasn't until I was already an elder that I started seeing flaws in the doctrines and teachings. I didn't use headship like a weapon in my marriage, but I definitely believed it was part of what the Bible (and therefore Jehovah) said.
I now say that any religion that makes women secondary to men doesn't even need to be considered.
I only bought it because I bought the Bible. If it wasn't for that, I never would have believed any of their bullshit from the beginning.
And that was when I was 8.
I watched my mother with this. She had to ask to get her hair cut. I really think this principle is why I thought of her as less than...how do I say it? It was clear to us, by way of our dad, that she was more emotional than logical, and that was a bad thing. It wasn't as smart, kwim? But that was part of our lives too. I asked every year until I was 13 to get my ears pierced, then finally I just did it myself at home with some help from my mom. And the hair thing? Screw that! It's my effin' hair! So I never asked about my hair (already knew the answer), I just went and did it. But my mom never did.
To be fair, my dad wasn't abusively controlling, but he was controlling. That principle just made him that much more controlling. He was always right, always. He though very logically and thoroughly about things and made his decision, and no input from you was going to change that decision, because he'd already thought of it. It's really frustrating to live with and the main reason I did what I did to get df'd. I feel for my mom, I really do. I honestly think if it wasn't for this principle, she would've left him a long time ago or at least would've put her foot down about some things, and I think it would've been really good for her. It got to the point when I was a teenager, she had to ask him for money for every little thing as she wasn't responsible enough to manage it herself. Seriously.
And I'm so glad my SO has never heard this idea, lol! We're a team, not a hierarchy. I like it that way.
I come from a family of strong women. Most of the wives in the congregation were also strong women. Until I started seeing examples of domineering men, I took it to mean that marriages were partnerships, but the men had headship in the congregation, being elders and giving talks.
Having seen both, I'd rather have a wife that's a partner rather than a subordinate. The wife in Prov. 31 is strong and decisive, making for a prosperous family. I didn't care for the way Paul painted the picture. Although...
I often quote that passage since Paul said that the head of man is the Christ. So we have a direct relationship with Christ, because Paul did NOT say that the head of the man is the BOE, then the CO, then the DO, then the branch, then the GB. The layers of WT clergy really don't have authority, so that part of the "headship principle" I can buy.
Nope thought it was crap. THe headship arrangement never played a part in our marriage at all and we were pioneers and he was a ministerial servant.
It's easy to buy the headship thing when you're a man.
It's also easy to buy the headship thing if you are an abusive husband or father.
It's easy to buy the headship thing if you are kissing butt at the Kingdom Hall hoping for an elder or MS appointment.
It's not easy to buy it if you see your wife as your equal (OK, maybe she can't lift some of the heavy stuff) with a right to express her opinions and suggestions.
Yes, there are times when a husband and wife or parents and children don't agree - and someone has to make a decision. The question should be asked:
Who does the decision affect the most, what do they want to do and why, and will there be negative effects on the other members of the family? Then maybe Dad steps forward, puts his foot down, and tries to enforce a decision that is best for everyone in his family.
If that doesn't work, then I guess if you're a Republican, you can always fall back on 2nd Amendment resolutions...
JV
OPEN MIND: I didn't have much of a problem with it in a congregational context. As a single woman I am my own boss in my personal life and these men can feel like the big "boss" in a stupid car group or within the boundaries of the kingdom hall. But that is where the illusion of their authority ended.
