Hi All! Really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...This network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy ...
Anyhow,I would Like to share my dilemma...
I recently went to court.I petitioned for Sole and Legal Custody and More child support.. I was granted more support,however Custody wasnt even reviewed..I prepared extremely well for this hearing. Actually that was my priority. Ofcourse I wont relent. I understand this type of order ,is close to impossible.But the mental well-being of my children depend on it..
My X Husband is an active witness .He has refused to communicate with me for the last few years. We only communicate via email. And that is a very one sided attempt. The only advantage to that type of interaction,is I have a paper trail. His reasoning for this method ,is that I am not leading a god fearing lifestyle. Or atleast ,this is what he has shared with my children..Among other bad mouthing statements.
Over the last few years he has forfeitted many visits..Sum were ,because he was serving, where the need was greater. Others im not sure. A few he does'nt even inform my son he is not picking them up..(and I say my son ,because he only communicates with him)As a matter of fact right before the latest court hearing .He no-showed on his weekend.My children wer sent off to school that morning ,and instructed that because it was dads weekend ; they were to wait for him after school. They did. He never showed. I left out of town on business. The neighbors called me,to inform me that my children never got picked up. Arrangments were made for them ,till I got back. He was aware of his weekend. Again, I email reminders.Ofcourse without response. Last year he went up to four months without having his children over..
Their was an incident where my youngest had a tantrum. He used a theraputic hold on her and splashed her face with water. Upon their return from his visits.My children go to therapy.This incident was reported to her therapist. Her therapist is not required to tell me, if she reports incidents to CPS. But she did say, she had a good mind to do so. I did confront their father (via Email ofcourse). To which his response was, She was never in any harm. And was very calm after .I just needed documentation showing my concerns and dissaproval of such discipline.
He remarried a few weeks ago .He asked that I let them be part of his special day. I agreed. However ,my only condition was that they be returned to me ,if they were not in his care. I assumed they would not be going on his honeynoon. And I do not feel comfortable with his Witness social circle..One of his very close friends is a registered sex offender... After the wedding and reception was over ,my son called and said ,his dad was leaving ,but they were being left with a witness family, till my scheduled pick up at KH the next day. I picked them up. At the reception hall . I hadnt heard my XH,voice in a couple of years. But he sure felt the need to call me, and tell me he was calling the police. Of course I was'nt too concerned. According to our Calendar, it was my weekend. I was never contacted by the police .
The following weekend he picked them up at the usual spot .And I too, showed up at my usual pick up spot .However he was not there.I waited untill the last of the witnesses were leaving the KH. I asked if he was there .They were somewhat cluless .But did mention they thought he was out of town. After everyone was gone.I started texting his phone .With no response. I proceeded to call the police. And informed him I was doing so. It took over an hour for them to arrive .While the police were taking my info. He drove up . He had a few choice words for them about me.They didnt really want to get involved.But I did get my children back.My son said, he told him, to tell me they were out of town. But his phone was dead and could'nt give me ,heads up. I still beleive it was his responsibility to inform me of such a change.
Anyhow these incidents have all been as of late.My frustration is ,lack of communication. It doesnt surprise me that he is allowed to hold any type of status in the cong. I figure, fathers that are in good standing ,are allowed to carry on like this. However Im certain the courts would frown on this type of behavior. Im even more dissapointed that these incidents were not addressed in court. Custody was not even reviewed.The judge asked that we come to some aggreement on our own .And get back to him when we have agreed on some type of arrangement. I did express our lack of communication. My XH, responded with agreeing that some method of communication has to be established. Of course it was all done for show. And did manage to say on record, I needed a Psyche eval. However,prior to the court hearing he told our appointed mediator,that he would pray his god showed mercy on me.
Im at a loss. He is not consistant in my childrens lives.When they are in his care .He damages their little minds.It takes me a while to get them re-adjusted. He carries on with this benevolent attitude. Meanwhile ,fails his children;in school ,sports and Medical related needs. I feel that we are still under his abusive authority.