My plan to out myself - comments, advice?

by redredrose 40 Replies latest members private

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  redredrose

  Being more of a lurker than a poster, it feels strange to post this, but here goes.

  I am 4th generation, my parents and grandparents are dead but I have aunts, uncles and cousins still in. Due to a severe illness some years ago I became inactive, attending sporadically.Finally, due to familial circumstances I felt able to make the decision to break free from this religion. I have been flying under the radar since that time, with my family hoping and waiting for me to come back. Its become distressing trying to avoid the elephant in the room. I want to live while not having to look over my shoulder all the time. Now its time to take the final step: to let my family know that I am never coming back. While I've never been shunned by family its become clear that I am being left out of the loop more and more.

  So I have a date to meet with my aunt. I want to let them know that I'm not coming back but don't want to go into all the reasons why. I respect them and have no intentions of trying to draw them away from the witnesses; also I don't want to be drawn into an argument that would leave me wide open for charges of apostacy. My goal is to approach this from a kind, respectful viewpoint and to let them know that my love for them will always be there. To let them know that while I have left their religion, I have not and will not leave them. If they decide to cut me off it will be their choice.

  My dilemma is the questions that will inevitably come up, they will want to know why, and while I'm prepared to let them know that I don't believe anymore I don't want to go into all the reasons why. They will also want to know if our friends (who are known to them) know. Our very few friends do know but I don't want to give them away.

  Has anyone else gone thru this?
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  moshe

  Only the JWs and Mormons have to explain their reasons for quitting the KH. No explantion for leaving the WT publishing religion will be good enough to satisfy a JW.
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  Mad Sweeney

  Avoiding the specific apostate reasonings isn't going to help you avoid the apostate label. Either tell them everything or tell them nothing. Half measures will avail you nothing, as the saying goes.
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  snakeface

  You could tell them something like, "This is my decision and no explanation will be given." Or "I prefer not to discuss it." Or "I don't feel an explanation is needed; I'm simply making you aware of this decision I have made."

  Then they might ask questions. "Has someone offended you?" "Is there a particular doctrine you don't quite understand?" "Oh, I know...I bet it's because of that time when Sister so-and-so said in her comment blah blah blah...am I right?" "But we are so deep in the time of the end, this is no time to leave Jehovah, he would never leave you...don't you love Jehovah any more" or whatever. But you've already stated that the matter is not open for discussion. Stick to that.
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  redredrose

  Yes, moshe, that is very true! Which is why I don't want to be drawn into specifics.

  Mad Sweeney, I see your point and perhaps I'm hoping for the impossible. But this is my only family. I'm ready to try and live with the consequences.I simply cannot continue on like this. My husband says I am too honest and that may be. But I feel like I'm living a lie with them and that just doesn't sit well with me.
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  Nickolas

  Hey, redrose. You didn't say whether or not your husband is in. I assume not.

  The only reason for leaving the Watchtower is a conviction that it is not what it represents itself to be. I expect that whatever you say beyond that will be challenged, no matter how convincingly you present it. I think your strategy is sound. Reaffirm your love and respect and ask for the same in return. If your family is devout, they will shun you. If you are prepared for that, with the loving support of your husband, then you have done all you can do.

  Best wishes, and congratulations.
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  palmtree67

  For a little while, we were considering going back so that my man could have contact with his family. But I didn't feel well enough emotionally at the time, to deal with how we would be treated. So that's what I told a relative who asked.

  While that reason is no longer valid, I have just left it at that.

  Your reasons for not going back may change or vary with the times, too. Perhaps it's best not to say too much and get the "apostate" label put on you.

  Wishing you the best,

  Palm
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  jgnat

  I'm a never-been, but being married to a Witness leaves me open to propositioning on a regular basis. Something that's worked well for me when asked an intrusive question was to look her dead in the eye with my heart pouring through, and ask her, "Do you really want to know?" She backed off.

  Because, with the veneer off, they already know there's problems. Do they really want to know?
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  Nickolas

  A variation of that theme, jgnat, is a question I have asked my Witness wife at least twice, to which I have yet to receive a response.

  If the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is not what it represents itself to be, would you want to know?

  The veneer is thin, but quite opaque.
• 

  redredrose

  Thank you all for the replies and you have all made such good points.

  My husband and I are in agreement now for which I am so gratefull, he being the love of my life. Its taken time to get there and a whole lot of work but its worth it.

  I was starting to panic and lose courage (which is why I posted) but hearing your thoughts has already helped. I hate confrontation.

  jgnat, that question is a good one and I'm hopeful the answer will be no.