by Nickolas 43 Replies latest jw friends
Different situation- I stay because we both entered marriage in this stupid cult, and despite my freedom, I truly have developed a great relationship beyond the cult with my wife.
I view this difference between us as my finding a cure for the cult, and that cure not working on my wife at this time.
Nickolas - I am in the same shoes as you...Some times I feel so alone even with my husband sitting right by me... Because we just arent on the same page of life anymore, even tho I love him deeply. Our lives are moving in different derections and the more I try to stop it the gap just gets bigger and bigger. I do not know what is in store for my husband and I but I hope we work it for our childs sake. Its hard to be in this stop because you want a happy life and you want your mate to have all the same joys in life as you know she should have. The only problem is you have a group of people telling her she will never be in the new sysytem if she ejoys her life, her marraige... Thats hard a hard thing to fight against...
Day following my OP. I've been reflecting on what you said OTWO. I too have a great relationship with my wife, on all fronts other than those negatively impacted by the Watchtower. Let's call it a 9/10. I still want the remaining 1/10 for the two of us, but it's not worth giving up what we have if I don't get it.
thanks for letting me vent. No doubt I will again at some point.
I started typing out a response to your 9/10 comment yesterday, but I can't improve on it. I think I realized I feel the exact same way. I wanted to say that 9/10 was awesome, but I found myself struggling to find that other 1/10 just like you. Maybe one day, or maybe I will have to live with the struggle.
Unfortunately, I cannot stay any longer. Least night I told my husband I want a divorce. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. We do not have any children...thankfully.
We have been married for 11 years. Neither of us had any religion when we got married. Although, I learned later he was studying with the JW and did not tell me. He married me because we had been living together and the brother conducting the study told him we needed to be married.
I honestly gave it all I had I cannot do it anymore. I cannot live the lie anymore. For the last 11 years I have been careful not to say anything that would upset the balance. I would never say it is a cult. However, at every chance he and the other witnesses talk about how everyone is pond scum expect the JWs. I was in line to give my condolences to a family at a funeral and a guy was making fun of the "born agains". Of course my husband was standing next to me he was upset by this display. He told me later he talked to the Elders about this. The thing is they do this stuff all the time. I cannot be nice to these people anymore when they are talking about me and everyone else.
My husband also puts the needs of the congregation before me. I have to tell him that he has to spend some time with me that I should come before the Elders and the rest of the people in the hall.
I just cannot do it anymore it is crushing me.
I do understand why you feel the way you do, wifeofjw. If my marriage wasn't as strong as it is in other areas it would have been over a long time ago.
I see by your join date that you're a longtime veteran of the board but you have made very few posts, so I'm assuming that you've done a fair bit of lurking - maybe looking for ways to cope? Your posts over the past five years share a common theme, and that is getting your spouse out, and the dominant emotion you're indicating is frustration. I understand all that, too.
I wish you all the best. Maybe your wakeup call last night will get through.
Nickolas
We married in the cult.
I exited last year. It's a bumpy ride and Mrs Punk sometimes thinks I still believe or have a JW mindset. It's totally screwed up.
She mentioned the end was coming soon. I said it wasn't as there's plenty of 'overlapping' going on and things in the world are in many ways getting better. She spluttered: 'I can't believe you....you're talking like a.....like a.....like a........'
I think the word she didn't dare say was 'apostate'!
Things are strained as she now has the idea as the JW, SHE is the superior 'spiritual' head of the family and I'm a fool!
Even when I was an elder she always thought she was superior to me. Strange, that!
Mind you she is typical JW and very judgmental agains gays, churches, politics and other fun stuff.
I feel sorry for all you folks who are now walking different paths to their significant others.
I wonder how long we can keep taking the strain!?!?!
@Nickolas it is true I a veteran on the board, but mainly a lurker. I have only posted when things get really crazy.
Recently, things have gotten crazy. You may gave read my post that he declared his lay off from work was a gift from Jehovah and if he got a job it would be from Satan. He has told me things are getting bad and he may leave one day to go be with the other witnesses. Go where? Is ok just leaving me?
One of my main frustrations is he promised to research the JWs with me before he decided to become one, but the elders told him NO and he would not do it. I still have the letter he wrote me stating he promised me to "read anything or talk to anyone" I wanted him to. I have been waiting for him to honor this promise for 11 years.
Thank you for your well wishes. I do hope he wakes up. I see it this way if asking for the divorce wakes him up than I did the right thing...if it does not wake him up than I did the right thing.
No Longer WifeofJW
I see it this way if asking for the divorce wakes him up than I did the right thing...if it does not wake him up than I did the right thing.
Win/win for you, win/lose for him. I hope however it works out that your new life is a happier one. Sad what this religion does to people.
All the best.
So much here that resonates with me... But i havent made leace with 9/10's... Not sure i have 9/10 honestly or what i want... In some ways life was so much more certain when i believed a panda lerting paradise was around corner...
And jgnat comment really stung cause its true... I did change terms or marriage when i woke up.. We are both born in's and im the one who has changed.... A lot to cime tk grips with...
