Witness conversation stoppers...

by Botzwana 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  WontLeave

  If Jesus was to return to the earth, what church would he attend?

  I don't know; which?

  Oh, we're just getting our neighbors' opinions.

  So, you're asking me a question with no answer? Why are you wasting my time? If you don't have any answers, stop bothering me.

  Well, we believe the answer to be: Ours.

  So, let me get this straight... You would study man-made literature with Jesus for over a year until he agreed with every single belief of the Watchtower, no matter how tentative or unscriptural. Then, you would have 3 men question him to make sure he had it right. You'd have him swear allegiance to the organization. Then, he'd have no 'privileges' in the congregation unless he submitted to every whim of the writing committee. If he said anything about a wrong teaching of yours, he'd be dragged in front of a judicial committee and disfellowshipped for apostasy (ironically, apostasy against himself).

  Only JWs would imply Jesus would come to them for instruction.
• 

  keyser soze

  Answering the door in the nude almost always works.
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  punkofnice

  Hold a carving knife in your hand. Give a maniacal unblinking stare and ask the JW caller:

  ''do the voices in my head bother you?''

  Then give a toothy $h1t eating grin.
• 

  darth frosty

  That's why we go door to door - to offer people Bible studies to learn about all the requirements from God. '

  I love this line LMAO!

  Take the simple premise of jesus' saving grace and clog it up with 'all the requirments of god!'
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  punkofnice

  @DarthFrosty = offer people Bible studies to learn about all the requirements from God. '

  I love this line LMAO!

  Take the simple premise of jesus' saving grace and clog it up with 'all the requirments of god!'

  Yes. It made me think of what the 'requirements of God' are as they keep changing due to new light. Given that God = GB then it's simply the requirements of cult leaders!
• 

  NeonMadman

  From a brother in the Dominican Republic: Trinitarians usually start off with some "proof texts" and then launch into some Greek words they know. I have learned now instead of trying to "duke it out" with them, I bypass all of that by saying, "Let's suppose you are right, the Trinity does exist and we are wrong, then please show me from the Bible what I should do to find the right religion."

  I'd be happy to do that, but first, could you show me in the Bible where it says that we should be trying to find the right religion? My Bible says that we are saved through Jesus Christ, not through a religion.
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  ziddina

  Oooooo - kay, my inner "smart alec" came out on this one:

  "This came from a Regular Pioneer sister in the North congregation in Anchorage, Alaska --- I would like to relate one that our District Overseer/Branch Overseer is known for: When the householder says, "I'm not interested" at the beginning of the conversation, he sometimes (when the time is right) replies: "I don't blame you, I haven't said anything interesting yet." ..."

  [My smart alec...] "Well, what's taking you so [damn!] long??"

  (LOL @ Mad Sweeney, Pirata, ...}

  OH, MY GOD!!! - er, Goddess!!! Super-Duper KUDOS to WASBLIND!!! That is a FANTASTIC response!!! { the "1914- the generation that will not pass away"!!}

  And my inner smart-alec came out again...

  "This is said to be a modified statement of Brother Russell's: There are over 10,000 religions in the world. If God set these up for us to learn to worship Him properly, learn to love one another, and have useful, peaceful lives, we can only arrive at one of two conclusions: Either he failed miserably, or he didn't set them up in the first place and something else is behind them. Do you agree? ..."

  Only TWO responses???

  REALLY?????

  That's ALL that you can come up with??? Talk about being mentally hobbled....

  How about, "The oldest deity WINS!!! - And there are MANY 'gods' that are older than 4,000 years..."

  Zid
• 

  the-illuminator81

  This is the ultimate witness conversation stopper: "I'm disfellowshipped, and you will be too if you keep talking to me."
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  Black Sheep

  "I'll tell you what, You take your best Scripture for the Trinity and throw it out and I'll take my best Scripture against it and throw it out, and then let's talk about the Trinity from the Scriptures."

  "My pick is John 1:1 so lets throw that out. Now.... come inside .... sit down and make yourself comfortable .......... Heh, heh, heh. I'll make the coffee. What nationality was Thomas?"