The first Jehovah's Witness I ever met is now my wife. (page 2)

wyorobert

Black sheep, How is your story the opposite? Just curious.

I've been lurking on this site for about six months. I'm still not really comfortable posting but this topic struck a nerve. My story is similar but with a far less happy ending. I met her in 2002 while my marriage was coming apart (22 years). She is a "born in" 18 years younger. We became inseparable and started a business together. I began studying, attending meetings and conventions, and was overwhelmed by the sincerity of the people I met. It seemed too good to be true and after reading Crisis of Conscience I discovered it was. It's been downhill since then. There is no chance of a rational discussion of facts and though I promised I would attend meetings and never try to undermine her faith she believes that it could never work. I think she is probably right. We remain in business because it is successful and we both need the money but we are also both trapped. Neither of us wants to move on because we both believe there is a shred of hope that the other will change their mind. I am not even a Jehovah's Witness nonetheless I seem to be a prisoner of the Watchtower Society.

Nickolas

I'm with Black Sheep. Opposite story. You'll find both our stories and others here:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/207583/1/Mixed-marriages-JW-non-JW-what-makes-you-stay

welcome to the board.

I am not even a Jehovah's Witness nonetheless I seem to be a prisoner of the Watchtower Society.

You're in good company, rocky528.

wyorobert

Rocky, Thanks for your story. Your story could have very easily been mine. In my case time was my best friend and sites like this as well as books like "I'm Perfect Your doomed" and Barbara Anderson's experiences etc., eventually made her see things clearly. It didn't happen overnight and as recently as a few years ago I said I would have to leave her if she ever went back. That statement upset her at the time, but I told her it would be impossible for us to have a relationship in that environment. Not to mention being still a bit over sensitive to the Mormon world and knowing the kind of discussions I would have with the members. The Elders also told me that if she knew I could never become a Witness and married me anyway, that she would never be allowed back.

Unfortunately, you can't be in a relationship with a Witness, without being subject to their rules. I hope for your sake that something happens and she finds her way out.

wyorobert

Nickolas,

Thanks for the link, I'm new at this, so any help is appreciated.

Rocky528

This is a very bright woman with a tightly knit immediate family who I get along with exceptionally. If I did try to "educate" her out, the wreckage would be brutal. I feel like I could save her from a terrible accident but she would be a parapalegic.

wyorobert

Rocky, Unfortunately I think you are right. So what is the next step? It sounds like you have to save yourself. She sounds like a wonderful person. I understand your financial ties, but also think you are postponing the inevitable. I am surprised at how accepting her family and congregation seem to be of you. They must think you are about to join.

Rocky528

You're probably quite correct about postponing the inevitable and saving myself. She is a single mom but tough and smart and will cope just fine. As far as her family and congregation go they they see me as good person with strong Christian principles who they wish would "come in". They will always treat me respectfully and empathetically until it's clear that it will never happen. I'm expecting my absence from this year's Memorial will be a turning point for all of us.

wyorobert

Nickolas, Thanks again for the link. Very interesting reading. I am struck by this statement:

If she suffered from dementia, I would stay with her. If she broke her neck or had a stroke and needed 24 hour care, I would stay with her. That's just the way it is. Maybe someday she'll wake up.

I spent 18 years in a marriage I knew was a mistake the very next morning after the wedding. I realized very quickly that my ex-wife had a serious mental illness. I didn't have the heart to leave her for exactly the reason's you state above. Eighteen years and two children later, I left her because I realized I wasn't doing her any good and it was taking too much of a toll on me and everyone else. The dumbest think I ever did was stay in that relationship for the reason's you just stated. For the next 10 years after the divorce I still looked after her every need. At some point I realized that trying to do what I thought was right had the opposite affect on everyone. There is a point in time when it is okay to worry about yourself. I always put everyone first. I finally realized that allowing myself to put me first made me stronger and better able to help other people. Looking back, I now realize that getting my divorce was the happiest day in my life. It took a lot to give myself permission to do what was right for me. I'm not giving advice, especially not here, but I do understand where you are coming from.

Rocky528

For the non-Jw partner, they don't have the support of the WTS unless they decide to join - but if you analyse your situation carefully it may be due to your own co-dependancy, or fear of not finding someone better, or simply apathy - it's all too hard to leave.

.....from the topic on "why do you stay".

I'm sure this is an issue for me.

The first Jehovah's Witness I ever met is now my wife.

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