Kensho I can only imagen what your going through, I had it easy but struggled during meetings, some people noticed the faces of disgust I was doing at the meetings (im not very good with wearing masks), even worse was the assembly when they anounced the Russell/Rutherford dvd, all I needed was a bucket to throw up in. All I can sugest is start fading without making it look obvious, dont go cold turkey just slow and steady and never show hints of apostacy unless you want to go out with a bang, think of it as a spiritual affair.
How to remain sane while being a hypocrite?
by Kensho 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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LUKEWARM
Just keep progressing at your own pace, and don't think of yourself as a hypocrite - its called the theocratic war strategy!
You can do much good working from the inside. Just find ways to fake service (like doing return visits driving around and conversating with the 'friends' is a great way to waste time) and to miss more meetings...
Look for opportunities to plant seeds discreetly.
In my opinion, in order to get your family and friends out with you, you have to be the LAST one out.
I applaud anyone who can stomach it, and if they can leave gracefully and retain their family, all the better.
Hang in there - when it's time to move, one way or another, you'll know..
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Quandry
My husband and I left after a JC humiliated and demeaned our teen daughter, making her read a scripture about being "filth in God's eyes." Of course, we are now "dangerous" because we did not agree with this "discipline."This meant that after more than thirty years of being "in" we had no friends, and even though our family members were not JWs, we had estranged ourselves from them so that it was akward to try to reconnect. It was very hard emotionally. In fact it was devastating to realize that we had taken thirty years of our lives frantically working for this organization (my husband was an elder and we were the ones always cleaning, using our home, etc.) It is hard to start over when you are in your fifties.
You must weigh all the pros and cons. If your family is all JWs, and getting older, etc., this may bear on your decision. Like other posters mentioned, can you raise subtle questions such as "I've wondered how to explain the many generation changes in field service when people ask. How do you suggest we handle it?" Or, "I'm having a discussion with a householder and told him I'd bring back some information on where we get our stance on blood fractions. Could you help me?" Perhaps many have secretly been questioning, and you may find out.
In the end, only you can decide. I don't think the big A is as "close as the inside of your eyelid" (which was going around several years ago) so please live your life the best and most successful way you can.
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QuitWastingTIME
Kensho, I truly feel for you and the others who are in a similar conundrum. Maintaining sanity in this world is hard enough without having to deal with things like religious fanaticism. Throw that on top of it all and you have the recipe for a very difficult life indeed.
Myself, I have been dealing with what you are describing for quite some time... quite some time indeed. On top of that feeling though, are the feelings I can't shake of missed opportunities, missed loves, friends I've lost because of loyalty to the hive, etc etc. I'm sure you've dealt with the same thing. In fact, I have an uncanny feeling that we RELATE to each other more than is apparently obvious here. But I will try to answer your question as best I can and quickly. I have to worry about eyes over my shoulder when I'm on this forum.
The way I deal with the heavy sighs I want to let out when I'm at the meetings (though I don't go as often as I used to) hearing the same thing over and over again and hearing the prejudice comments, the laughable expressions of uniquity, and otherwise ignorant behavior and speech of everyone there, is to treat it the same way I do when visiting another country in which their customs differ greatly from my own or how I view those who smoke cigarettes in public or in front of their small children. Sure, some people do what they do because they're frikkin @$$holes and douchebags. But some people genuinely have no idea that what they're doing is necessarily wrong or harmful. Did you know that most men and women in America do not wash their hands after using the restroom and would gladly shake your hand JUST after having rubbed their palms all over their nasty sweaty crotch area? (yes, the next time you shake someone's hands, go ahead, take a sniff at your palm... yep, that's the familiar scent of genitals alright!) I dare say most don't even THINK about how disrespectful or offensive that could be to certain others. They just don't think about it.
I try to view these people as beneath me. Not in an arrogant sort of way like I'm better than them, but better off. It's like when you see a bum drinking himself into a slumber. How can you blame the guy? I try to do as Jesus did, feel sorry for them. Have pity. They do what they do because they're just not as good as me. They're not smart enough or didn't have the same opportunity as me. Like children. You can't (or at least SHOULDN'T) get mad at babies for doing something that pisses you off because they just don't know. Too innocent or not educated enough. Sometimes when my daughter does something she shouldn't have done, I don't get frustrated, I of course have mercy on her because I know she doesn't know better. Viewing the people in your Kingdom Hall as what they really are, sheep, should help alleviate some of the stress. Feel sorry for them.
As far as "Walking the Line" goes, I think you might need to use your experience as an elder, a shepard, to help those close to you. The same way you were an influence or a force that stirred them in one direction, you can obviously use that same talent to bring them back. Remember, Holy Spirit most likely had nothing to do with their progress in the organization. (granted it's possible the universe preferred for that individual to be a part of JW rather than where they were before, or it was a good starting point for change) When I go back and think about some of the people I had "helped" into the truth, I wonder how much of that was the Deity's doing or just my own charismatic persona. Hitler led an entire nation of Nazi Crazies. You think Holy Spirit was behind him? So this means all that you have at stake, your friends, family, etc, is still salvageable by your own hands. Maybe you can have a family Bible study night where you ask questions. Get them thinking along the lines of the wicked Israelite kings and how even though they were wicked, they were still Jehovah's annointed ones, and the country was supposed to follow them and the priests. Yet, everyone has their own accountability. Get them thinking THAT way first, that perhaps it's possible the GB is NOT what we had given them the credit for. After a while, the rest will start to unravel.
I know my post went everywhere, but I had to keep stopping and resuming and I'm tired after a long day of flights. Good health to you all, may the Deity bless you in your efforts to find truth. Notice I said "truth" not THE truth. Nothing is true. Everything is permitted (wink wink)
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stillajwexelder
I am still in good standing. Just keep your bullshit deflecters on maximum setting and you will be OK
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Honesty
Kensho,
You have a lot of selfcontrol.
I didn't have too much.
Within 2 weeks of dicovering the truth about 'the troof' I laid it on the line and told the congregation elders
that the Gibbering Buddy members are apostates and they are too for believing those charlatans.
My hat is off to you for being able to remain in the satanic cult and keeping your mouth shut.
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Kensho
stillajw
I hear you- I have had those deflectors on for a long time and it is getting more difficult to keep them at maxiimum as time goes on and the BS level gets higher.
QWT
I sense from your comments we probably do have much in common. I appreciate your point about how to view this whole situation and I'm working hard and really in deep meditation for the next couple of weeks before and after the memorial on this mess as I have some solid alone time for the rest of the month. I have been in this black hole in the past and have survived, I guess it has been the accumulation of a series of events begining with my appt as an elder several yrs. ago that started me wondering about the HS being involved as I certainly had doubts then and thought wouldn't God have know that. Then there was the uncomfortable job of JC's and judging others-never felt qualified for that- very seriuos to have that much power over the spiritual life of another. Then the appointing of other brothers and looking for some set required amount of FS hours which is not even mentioned by the apostle Paul. Even if a br. made all the other qualifications and was doing all he could in FS. The Holy Spirit couldn't be envolved in that stuff.
So I reached my overload point and knew I could not just step down without major hassels, so as the survivor I am I saw a loop hole in the stupid rules book and got removed while staying in good standing, can't give more details or the bethel boys who monitor this site will fiqure out who I am.( they have special powers ya know that make them immune to apostate stuff)
The other issues over the years has been the lack of real personality changes starting with myself of course and others that I am real close to- the lack of true forgiveness, drama makers,uncontrolled anger and then how JW's view those outside the cong. I remember it being pointed out to me by a family member that the use of the term "worldly" when referring to non-Jw's was very unloving and I agreed it was hypocritical, these are the same people we are trying to "save" and I made it a point not to use that term again after all who are we? We are just as screwed up as everyone else-"stop judging lest ye be judged"
I don't want to focus attacks on the Org. ( my issues go far beyond the GB and the Org.) there are plenty of people on here that focus on that. I have mentioned on earlier post that I have some questions for the Creator that can't be answered by the WTBTS.
There is alot of positive things to say about the JW lifestyle and most of the beliefs and maybe I'll take all the good stuff and start my own congregation,hey that can be a subject for a different post, I'll bet that will get some interesting comments. LOL!
Kensho Satori
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Aussie Oz
I am glad there are those who can really help you with this...
I could not stay sane while being a hypocrite, it almost literally killed me. I imploded and self destructed.
hope that doesn't happen to you
all the best
oz
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streets76
You have no "friends" in the Truth. If you ever leave, you'll find that out.
You've only got one life to live -- don't waste it trying to please your fake friends.
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