Did I handle this okay?

headisspinning

Well, I did it. I finished 'Crisis of Conscience'... I am just reeling. If any one book has changed my life, then this one is definitely it. It's incredible really - two weeks ago I was so confused and disturbed and felt like my whole life had been turned on it's end but that book made such a difference for me. I feel so much more at peace and comforted.

I am going to order Ray's next book now. I hope that upon reading it I will find even greater clarity.

I'm still not sure what to do in regard to my family and our children. I'm still torn and just trying to weigh out all the pros and cons.

My mother has been having a slight bit of contact with me lately. It has mostly revolved around her finally spending time with our 8 month old son.

Here is a recent email from her and then my reply (please let me know what you think about how I handled this):

"I have forgiven you both and understand things better now. Some make horrible mistakes before the truth and some after but all of it is from trauma. Im not going to start talking to you until you get back but please dont wait. Time is very short now. Get yourselves back where you belong. Please hurry. Need all of you there with us. love Mum"

This is what I wrote back: "Hi Mom: Thank you. It's a great relief to me that you have some understanding. I don't expect you to talk to us - don't worry. We have written the brothers three letters and begged them to take all the factors into consideration. For them, it has become apparent that we better serve as examples, rather than ones they want to help. This is not your problem so please don't stress over it. Part of the reason we are moving is because of how things are being handled. We are just trying not to lose hope. In the end, all that matters is that Jehovah can read our hearts and we know he forgave us a long time ago. Sometimes we just have wait on Him to resolve things... sometimes things are out of our hands. You KNOW me and you know what kind of person I am - I fully trust that Jehovah knows me too. I'm fine with that. He can judge us and figure out this whole mess. Love you." Please let me know what you think. My goal is to ease her into realizing that as much as she wants it, we may very well never be reinstated, but that doesn't mean God is finished with us. What I really want to do is send her "Crisis of Conscience" but somehow I don't think she's ready for that just yet. Thanks, HIS

OnTheWayOut

I don't expect you to talk to us - don't worry.

I would not ever say stuff like that again. Of course you expect your parents to talk to you. They only don't because of marching orders from Watchtower, so stop reminding them that it's okay. IT's NOT OKAY. You can choose to ignore that and say nothing of it, but don't "approve" of any shunning with such statements in the future.

What I really want to do is send her "Crisis of Conscience" but somehow I don't think she's ready for that just yet.

My family members are still not ready for that. I did what I could to get them ready, but to no avail. Mine talk to me, though.

cult classic

You KNOW me and you know what kind of person I am -

I think that is a great response. I like how you personalized it. Hopefully one day she will realize she doesn't need anyone to censor her relationship with her child.

can't turn italics off... lol

I think that is an excellent point OTWO

tec

I liked it. Would be nice if it made her think about why its so hard not to lose hope when trying to come back; perhaps she'll see just how discouraging it is to be df'd and treated like a pariah.

Yeah, I doubt she's ready for Crisis of Conscience just yet ;)

Tammy

Knowsnothing

The biggest win you could have, even without "exposing the truth about the truth", is to have your family talk to you, and not give a damn about the shunning rule.

Once you win this, maybe you could introduce it(CoC). But for now, it seems to soon. And, I agree with the above responses.

tec

Actually, I agree with OTWO about the shunning part... don't say something is okay, if you think it isn't. Just don't mention it at all, if you don't think its a good idea to challenge it just yet.

Still a sincere letter, though, so I still like it.

Tammy

headisspinning

Ahhh, good point. I will really have to check myself and make sure I am not validating the unnatural control the WT has imposed on our family.

It's so horrible - my mom has Parkinson's and is going downhill rapidly. These are probably her last good years and two of them have already been wasted.

And from the bits I've heard my dad has early-onset signs of Alzheimer's. This is so stupid. I was always the 'go-to' daughter. I would call them every day and shoot 10 - 20 emails back and forth with my mom.

I wish they could see how wrong and unloving all of this really is. And my little boy has lost his grandparents and his aunties over all of this. It's terrible... although I guess the big win for him is he won't have to raised in a cult.

Plus, we did find my husband's real dad and he is just thrilled to have a little grandson... hmmmm... maybe the ones who will suffer most are my JW family?

Ding

I think you conveyed the message you stated as your goal.

headisspinning

Thanks Ding... I'm trying to be strategic here and not 'alarm' them anymore than is possible.

My sister texted me details for the Memorial and said 'IF you wanted to go'. That's just hilarious to me - I haven't given her any indication that I would skip the Memorial but whatever... at least she bothered to tell us unlike the elders. They even skipped up over in the invitation distribution.

She also sent info about the 'special' talk on May 8: 'Bible Principles - Can They Help Us To Cope with Today's Problems'... Okay... she should have said 'IF you wanted to go' on that one... LOL! (I am interested to see how many Bible principles are discussed vs. WT/GB interpretations.).

Anyway my point is, that although I don't feel inclined to go to the Memorial, I am not going to make a statement by not attending at this point. That tends to send red flags, if you know what I mean and like I said I'm trying to be somewhat strategic and ease into what lies ahead without upsetting anyone unnecessarily.

Oh and just to sort of stay off the radar as far as my family goes, I bought my daughter two new dresses for the summer convention and a suit for my son... it's a little hard for anyone to point a finger when I am being OH SO SUPPORTIVE! LOL!

jgnat

Nice to see you finding your sea legs. You are providing a consistent and kind message, which is good. I am disturbed, if I am connecting the dots correctly, that your mother is NOT talking to you but also has visitation with her grandchild. Visitation and respect for parents goes hand-in-hand.

This might be tough to negotiate at this stage of the game, but perhaps you can take it from the perspective of the grandchild, to make it as normal for them as possible. Ask your mom to be natural around you when you are all together. You can promise to stick to non-controversial subjects, like the weather.

Did I handle this okay?

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