HELP! How do I FADE without being DF'D??

by doubtful 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Think About It

  Depression and resentment over being removed is more than enough to cover yourself in a fade. Keep to those reasons and do not feel you have to tell the true reason for being inactive. The witch trial would then begin and you would be sorry you came clean. Don't meet with them either. Repeat after me. (A) I resented being removed as a MS. (B) It caused me stress and now I'm spiritually depressed over it.

  I stepped down as an elder years ago and used the depressed excuse into a very successful fade.(LOL)

  Think About It
• 

  Retrovirus

  Doubtful,

  First and most important, you are sick. Ulcers are a medical condition. Getting well is your first priority.

  Stress is clearly a part of your condition. This means you need to address it through counselling (properly qualified, objective counselling, not elders!) and whatever else works for you (meditation, relaxation, yoga, pills etc). Get referrals from your doctor.

  Would your mother accept advice from your doctor or counsellor that you should not be harassed into any discussions until your health improves?

  Do not make decisions about your religion or anything else important until you are confident that you are fit to do so.

  As a last resort if you are forced into a meeting, just thank them for their concern, say that you need to recover, can't discuss anything else right now. Thank them for your patience.

  Good luck and keep posting. We'll be here for you.

  Retro
• 

  moshe

  A- do you live on your own with no one else to support?

  B- do you have a job that pays your bills?

  C- do you have friends who aren't JWs?

  D- Do you want to have your own life?

  a yes answer means you have no reason to Kowtow to anyone in the KH.
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  You're old enough to be a MS but yet still living with your mom, correct?

  This is what the Borg does to people with its anti-education policies and insane amount of emphasis on serve-us. I feel for you, bro. I would have been in the same situation if I hadn't gone and gotten married so young.

  You're in a tough spot. I feel for you.

  You're not the first, though, and you won't be the last. There are many young people on here who are going through and/or recently went through something very similar to what you are going through.

  Hang in there. Keep visiting us here on JWN and we'll lend you whatever support we can.

  Good luck!
• 

  Kensho

  Doubtful,

  Take it slow, if you want to have contact with your family keep your doubts to yourself there is no upside to fess'n up in this case, this kinda stuff makes me ill, as a former elder, and I think every active elder should visit here to see cases just like this to get the real picture of what is going on with the sheep.

  The facts are that you can approach the elders for help with pornography, family problems, stress issues, money problems, disputes with others in the cong. etc. etc. but never never never talk about anything that would be viewed as apostate thinking or lack of faith in the F&DS- GB especially in light of the upcoming July 2011 WT. on apostates.

  It is a very sad state of affairs when we who are still "in" for the sake of family that we have to come here to vent and discuss these matters with total strangers instead of those who profess to be "watching over our souls" but this is the ONLY PLACE to do that in order to keep your sanity and keep your family and friends!

  I wonder what the Fine Shepherd thinks about this in his congregations?

  Welcome to the brotherhood of the Broken hearted!

  Kensho Satori
• 

  godrulz

  It is ridiculous the ungodly control this organization has over people. It forces them to be dishonest (lie) and to live a lie. Sometimes one has to stand up to bullies. This position is a consequence of being part of a manmade organization, contrary to God's will, Word, and leading. If one is to follow the true Christ, they need to renounce the false organization. There is no excuse for family to disown someone when they are disfellowshipped, etc. I am speaking as an outsider, so insider strategy may have temporary merit, but it is not a solution with integrity or true freedom. Obey God, not man. Can one tell the elders they are disassociating without being disfellowshipped? If so, that gives you the control.
• 

  doubtful

  @madsweeney and moshe,

  I'm 21, and I'm a college student and work part-time. I've had to drop out of school twice due to health issues and once to "serve where the need is great".

  But I have a 4.0 GPA and will be elgible to transfer from my local community college to a more distant 4 year university in about two semesters following this summer.

  So until then...I'm stuck at home..and my mother is an obedient servant of the elders
• 

  daringhart13

  What Serenity said is SPOT ON.

  As a former elder, I can tell you, most of them are painfully lazy and don't WANT to find people.

  Go dark. Disappear. Don't rip them....just walk away.....when you see someone, just tell them you've been depressed and have been thinking about moving.

  POOF............. you're done.
• 

  Black Sheep

  Download the July simpleton Wusstower from jw.org and read the articles on how to spot and treat apostates.

  Now that you know what their rules are ............ don't break them and expect your mother, or any other cult members, to behave like reasonable people.

  Your mother chose to raise her child in a religion that treats it's non-believing children badly. That was her choice, not your choice, and she has to deal with the consequences of her choice. Did she encourage you to get baptized? How old were you? If you were far too young to be signing such a lifelong contract, can you accuse her of not looking after your best interests? If she ever lied to you about a WT doctrine, or history, can you bring it up and act offended.

  Make it clear to her that you do not want her calling the dogs out. Seeing as you have already spilt the beans, tell her that you just want to drift out without any trouble or DF/DA so that she isn't required by her church leaders to shun you in the future after you leave home. If she calls in the elders and they DF you, or coerce you indo DAing, that is her choice, not yours, and she will have to deal with the consequences of her choice.

  You didn't ask to be born into this religion. You were just an innocent child with no notions of killer gods and demons that wasn't indoctrinated into you via your parents. Don't accept the blame for their poor choices.

  Chris
• 

  moshe

  I don't want to lose contact with my mother. If that happens, she'll sever all ties with me.

  Yes, it would be humiliating for a grown man to get DF'd and then kicked to the curb by his mother. However, lying seems to be an option you are OK with in order to avoid having to become self sufficient. I suggest the proactive route- go join the military and let them provide a bed, clothes and meals for you- it might even do you some good to get "manned up" by a tough drill sargent. I am thinking your health will actually improve by getting away from all things JW.