They can't disfellowship you just for not attending meetings and not going on the field service. The advice from others above, that you should not tell them what you think, is good. This way you can avoid being disfellowshipped for apostasy.
HELP! How do I FADE without being DF'D??
by doubtful 30 Replies latest jw friends
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blondie
My husband and I have been out ("faded") for ten years. He was an elder. We are neighter df'd or da'd. We have not bared all to anyone, because I believe in "no pearls before swine."
Even the WTS says: ***g002/8p.21Of course, being truthful does not mean that we are obligated to divulge all information to anyone who asks it of us. "Do not give what is holy to dogs, neither throw your pearls before swine, that they may never . . . turn around and rip you open," warned Jesus, at Matthew 7:6.
No excuses, no conversations. Anyone who just "drops by" doesn't get any attention from us...we just don't answer the door. How impolite to just drop by unannounced and demand an audience with us.
The few times we have talked we just say we are doing fine and if we need their help we will call them. We never invite them in just step out on the porch and shut the door. Talking lasts about 30 seconds.
I would say that if you want to stay under the wire, don't be sharing your "concerns" with anyone or if once, not again. The elders will use them as source information and it will be secondhand, incorrect, embellished, etc.
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d
That might not always be possible
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nugget
Doubtful the advice is solid you have health issues and depression you are dealing with this and need to be left alone. You know where they are if you need them. Under no circumstances tell them you doubt the teachings or doctrine and that you do not trust the governing body you will be df'd so fast your feet won't touch the ground.
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cantleave
I can't advise, I screwed our fade up!
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flipper
DOUBTFUL- You asked, " So what do I do? " My answer : Don't meet with the elders. It's YOUR personal decision to stop attending- they don't deserve an explanation. It's really none of their business. They'll just try to bust your balls and give you more ulcers and manipulate and control you.
They can't DF you for just stopping attending. If you keep your counsel to yourself and don't say anything- they can't do anything to you. Just don't say you don't believe that it's not God's true organization. Just stay silent. In this case- silence is Golden. If you have a good relationship with JW relatives and you want to maintain that relationship , just say you need to work some things out privately. That you appreciate their concern, and that everything will be alright. And maintain showing normal family love to them. Hang in there. Many of us have been through this- it's not the end of the world, things will get better in time
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willyloman
You know how in college that when you study for the test, the test is easier?
A fade is not a passive thing. It's proactive and requires preparation. Read thru the suggestions, above, and develop a strategy that will work for you.
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godrulz
I am not in this boat, but I would be tempted to go back and give them the truth. Disfellowshipping would be a consequence of my initial wrong choices, and those who shun would be accountable before God. This is a big price to pay, but I would fear God, not man. If friends and family do not know that you have renounced a lie, then they have no hope of coming out either. Perhaps if one remains agnostic, it is pragmatic to not shoot oneself in the foot. I think if a JW becomes a true Christian, they should not be silent, despite the cost (come out of the closet and those who shun would be in the wrong vs white lies on our part).
Mormons (another cult) do not shun to this degree. A former Mormon who becomes a true Christian should demand that their names be taken off a role, since they count everyone and their dog for stats. It would allow one to break with the lie and exalt the truth. Error runs from truth. God would strengthen those who take a stand against corrupt organizations. One would not be in this pickle if they had done their homework before being deceived. Cultists are victims, but do have responsibility vs excuses.
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QuitWastingTIME
how to "fade" without being DF'd. You probably know the answer to that better than most, after all, you were a MS. You probably know of a few who have "faded" but never got DF'd. What did they do in order to accomplish this task?
As far as sanity goes, just look at it as do most people in THEIR religion. Start calling the meetings "church", and you'll see how that helps to objectively put things in perspective. Rank and File Catholics are keenly aware of the flaws of their religion, yet they still are Catholics, even if they only go to Mass once a year. Nominal Mormons can be pretty normal, too. Or they'll say, "I grew up Mormon" or Baptist, Pentecostal, etc. Same can go for you.
Point is, I never recommend going full out in your (not you specifically, but others on the forum) quest for "freedom" because the price you pay might be more than what you're getting. If you don't like your family, go ahead, go full out. If you can, walk the line. Search the forums for how to avoid disfellowshipping. Some legal stuff you can do. If ever the Elders wish to meet with you, insist on having someone accompany you. If they say "no" then you say, "no". See what I mean? Realize that the collar has been broken, and your head hasn't blown up (Running Man reference). Take a martial arts class, increase your view of self worth, esteem, etc. And stick to your decisions. Above all, be nice, be courteous, be sweet. You'll see they'll give up on you.
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OnTheWayOut
You do have all the answers. If you must depend on your mother for living, then keep your mouth shut about your beliefs while under her roof. Even afterward, if a fade is what you want, don't say more than she can handle.
As far as elders and meetings go, if Mom can tolerate NO MEETINGS WHATSOEVER, then do that. Blow off any meetings with elders and tell Mom you just can't meet with them. Tell her you are not sinning, but see no purpose in meeting with them. If they show up, yes- go to your room or out the front door. In your room, put headphones on.
It sounds silly, but it's not forever.
Do what you must, but don't meet with elders and don't discuss your beliefs or lack of beliefs with JW's while you are in such a delicate situation.
If Mom will kick you out for non-meeting attendance, then arrive late and leave early to the Hall. Do what you gotta do.