by evilone 42 Replies latest jw friends
The situation faders face makes me glad that I was disfellowshipped instead. That wasn't easy, either, but at least everyone knew I was gone and there were no awkward moments with friends and kinfolk to deal with. Now that I understand the situation evilone is dealing with, all I can say is "Good Luck!"
Quendi
Hi evilone,
I was an elder for 15 years...(PO, Secretary, TMS, ....). Good help here. I did the same thing....moved to a congregation outside of "my territory", told them that I was doing this to be sure not to miss attendance (because of my job)...they "bought into it", asked my old congregation for the cards...I started missing meetings shortly after that...since my house is not close to the congos territory they don't give a rats ass about my whereabouts. Whenever I meet someone, and they ask where I have been, my standart answer ist: "Oh, I have to care for my elderly parents, you see biblical responsability make my life soo difficult, so I have to attend meetings at their hall..." With this, I get all the love I will ever need and they can't check where the hell I am attending...
...doing this for the same reasons as you: family, my wife is mor "into it" than me.....
....you see, JW are strictly "rule based" followers....if you break the "standard rules" (attending where you live, etc.) it throws them off...
Oh, another point: YES, REALLY choose a hall that is cold AND big....the elders will not chase you. They don't have time and they have not bonded with you. Seems like the perfect plan. Enjoy.
Hi Evilone,
I totally understand your plight and your motivation. Sometimes these fades can get complicated when other people (like your wife and her family) are involved.
Like many here, I too served as an elder for a long time and have now successfully faded. If it was just myself, without any family considerations I would have announced my departure during an assembly part, but alas I had to make my exit a little quieter without the drama.
I think your plan is good, and as Intel said, you have received some good advice here. One thing to keep in mind - the cards really aren't the be all and end all .... the more important consideration is not having anyone find out where you are living.
Elders are instructed to make up new cards for ANY FORMER WITNESSES THAT THEY MAY FIND IN THE TERRITORY OR THROUGH ANY OTHER MEANS.
What this means for you is - after you move, do not speak about your former life as a JW to anyone. Close the door on that chapter of your life. Also - you should prepare for what you would say if a JW does call on your door and somehow knows you are a former JW.
IF YOUR PRIMARY CONSIDERATION is to avoid getting DFed: My advice would be to tell that person who calls on you - "We no longer attend the meetings, and we have decided not to discuss the reasons with anyone." End of story. It works.
Later on when and if your circumstances change and you are no longer concerned with being DFed, then you can prepare for a much different discussion with any JW who may call on your door .
In the meantime - GOOD LUCK, with your plans to exit the cult. A very good and WISE decision, no matter how you slice it.
Cheers,
The Oracle
I have found this thread somewhat amusing. I agree with both Highlander and Wasanelder Once. What is the big deal?
The BIG Deal is that if it is his intent to eventually move back to "St Louis" but his publishers' cards are lost somewhere in some Chicago suburb, then the St Louis area congregation have no authority to DF or DA him. They cannot do so without Pub Cards, as he is not under the jurisdiction or their congo. It would take A LOT or work on some poor Cong Sect to have to track all that back down between two or three (or more) congs.
I hate to be a downer on this topic....but the significance of publisher record cards is wildly over-rated.
If a dub lives in your territory, elders are "authorized" and "encouraged" to simply make up a new publisher card and put their name on it with their address - UNLESS they determine 100% that another congregation has their cards and they are being "spiritually attended to" by another body of elders.
There is nothing magical about not having "the original cards". Sorry for the bad news!
It's all so crazy anyway, but I thought I should clarify a technical point in the nutty land of Jehovah's Witnesses.
The Oracle
The Oracle: Elders are instructed to make up new cards for ANY FORMER WITNESSES THAT THEY MAY FIND IN THE TERRITORY OR THROUGH ANY OTHER MEANS.
There is nothing magical about not having "the original cards". Sorry for the bad news!
I’ll heed your advice regarding the publisher record cards. While it will be useful to have our cards sitting in a KH office “lost somewhere in some Chicago suburb” it will not be the silver bullet I thought it was. I guess I was expecting too much when I hoped that the loss of the cards would cause our past as dubs to be expunged. Even before I read your post my wife and I had a conversation about the possibility of returning to "St Louis" someday in the future and she said to me that once we leave there is really no way we can ever move back. It really is true when they say you can’t go home again.
I think if we encounter random dubs out on field service (people we don’t know) it would be smart for us to play dumb and pretend that we know absolutely nothing about the Jehovah’s Witnesses. We could say something like: “you Mormons just won’t leave us alone, I already told you we’re not interested.”
The sad fact is that while your sitting there going through the motions in the KH you know that at least half of the people around you have the same doubts you do, its just that we're all afraid to say anything.
Is this an exaggeration? Are people really starting to wake up?
-Sab
The truth of the matter is you don't get disfellowshipped for ceasing meeting attendance nor does anyone attend congregation meetings if they have no desire to be there. It's possible you absorbed some paranoia visiting apostate websites. Aside from that, your post is ludicrous. I have doubts you attend meetings at all. If I'm wrong, next time there's a meeting, stay home and watch TV. There were times when I temporarily quit attending meetings. The consequences weren't similar to credit harassment. I received a few phone calls from concerned friends which I appreciated. If they completely ignored my absence they wouldn't be friends. So quit being retarded and do your own thing.
SuperSpook: The truth of the matter is you don't get disfellowshipped for ceasing meeting attendance nor does anyone attend congregation meetings
if they have no desire to be there.
No, you don’t get df’d for failing to attend meetings, but once you stop showing up the elders will pressure you to come back. If that doesn’t work they will find a reason to df you. They just make something up. If you believe otherwise then I have a bridge for sale.
It's possible you absorbed some paranoia visiting apostate websites.
OK SuperSpook, I’m at a loss here. You do realize that this is an apostate website?
stay home and watch TV
I'd love to, do you think you could tell WTS that I should have that option? If it was that easy then apostate websites like this one wouldn't exist.
I received a few phone calls from concerned friends which I appreciated.
So you appreciate being drawn back into the cult? I don't know about you but I would consider such phone calls to be harassment.
Do what I did, I was in an English congregation for 5 yrs and told them I wanted to move to a spanish speaking cong. to learn an new language... LOL
It was perfect, no one in the english knew spanish to speak to the spanish congr, and hardly anyone from spanish knew english...... I went to span meetings for about 9 months, transfered my card and then left........
Michele
