What action should I take with my favorite cousin who is very condescending? (page 2)

aSphereisnotaCircle

Cousin: Stop reading so much. You're getting to sound like my dad who complains about everything. I hate people like you who question everything. Go get the surgery done and stop complaining.

He HATES people like you? .......... wow, who needs that

Next time he is condescending or acts like a jerk, call him on it. Sometimes people like this don't even realise how they come across to others. They are completely self-absorbed so they don't even think of how the sound to other people.

jeckle

wow what a douche. my older bro has the same problem with my cousin. i always wonder why he tries to be friends with him. buck up camper

steve2

Honestly, I'd probably sound like your cousin. You call him condescending - may be he is. But you sound like a classic whiner. Don't get surgery - get a life and your need for your cousin's empathy will reduce.

Terry

Write down the definition (from the dictionary) of Condescending on a 3x5 card.

Whenever your cousing is beginning a condescending rant--suddenly interrupt him and say--"Oh hey! Sorry to interrupt. I have

something very important I don't want to forget to give to you."

Then, you reach into your pocket and pull out the 3x5 card and hand

it to him.

"Read that aloud, will you? Thanks."

Keep a handy supply.

TheSilence

I think if he's your *favorite* cousin {though can't say I'm sure I understand why he would be if he "hates" people like you, but okay} then at least do yourself the courtesy of giving him a call and saying, "Hey, Jackass, have you noticed how your condescension and lack of empathy seems to have driven your wife and family to the edge of patience with you? Well, you reached that point with me the other day. I'm willing to let it go but you *have* to start thinking about the perception you give other people before you open your mouth because if you can't be supportive when I need your support then this relationship is not going to work for me." And then let it go. If it happens again drop him. ;)

LongHairGal

RULES&REGULATIONS:

I relate to your experience. I remember complaining to an elder years ago about a serious family problem and got a very unsympathetic response such as you got. I was shocked and I wanted nothing more to do with him. While I can't tell you not to bother with this person, I wouldn't knock myself out trying to get together with them.

Did it ever occur to you that this person might be jealous of you in some way? Sometimes people are jealous because they imagine (wrongly) that you either have no problems, or that the problems you do have are miniscule compared to theirs.

Naturally, they are unsympathetic to whatever trouble you are in.

WontLeave

If possible, as far as it depends upon YOU, be peaceable with all men. - Rom 12:18

Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go lay bare his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. - Mat 18:15

Then Peter came up and said to him: “Lord, how many times is my brother to sin against me and am I to forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him: “I say to you, not, Up to seven times, but, Up to seventy-seven times. - Mat 18:21-22 (nice parable in 23-35)

I know this probably isn't what you're looking for, but I feel the example of Jesus and other Bible admonitions are the best advice that can be given.

Band on the Run

I developed facial neuralgia with a 95% suicide rate. It left me curled up in a fetal position. A cousin from Pittsburgh who never could visit me desceneded on my apartment in NY unbidden and unwelcome. She screeched at me at the top of her lungs that I must act as tho I had no pain or kill myself. Nei.ghbors came out in the hall b/c she was so loud. I was so hurt I felt like a horse kicked me in the abdomen. My mom was moving in with me to help me. Not my first choice of living arrangement but thank God for her love. I wish I telephoned the police and physically removed them.

My mom had time constraints to meet movers. She was ordered not to leave the apt. b/c there wasn't a solid wall blocking off the sofa bed where the deity her hubby was sleeping. My mother went ballistics. I said nothing b/c I always wanted a nice family.

Your cousin doesn't sound that bad. Mostly self centered. I would not call it condescending as controlling. Maybe there is a middle ground between not saying anything which I regret and half jokingly said that the last time you looked, it was your body. My sister and I did not speak for 30 years b/c she could not even send me a greeting card when I near death. Its a personal call. I doubt there is any correct answer.

Meeting Junkie No More

Geeze, this board is invaluable! (Exclamation point to induce positive emotions!!!)

Terry - great suggestion!

and The Silence -

if you can't be supportive when I need your support then this relationship is not going to work for me.

I really like that!

What action should I take with my favorite cousin who is very condescending?