Pinch me. Am I Dreaming? (page 3)

tec

I am going to take it really slow with him and just listen to his thoughts without influencing him with mine at this point.

I think that's a good plan.

I wanted to offer a thought, though, which you can take or leave as you see fit. I don't think you should send him to your sister's if he is asking to stay with you. He is your son. Who cares if anyone else blames you for his 'defection'. You don't answer to anyone else, and he will know that it was his decision. That's all that matters, and in the long run that might be what he remembers the most too. You know what's happening in your lives best, though. That was just my impression.

Peace to you both,

Tammy

TheSilence

Hello, headisspinning,

This resonates with me because I was 14 when I told my dad I didn't believe. I lived in the same house with him and for 3 months he did not speak a word to me... after the initial tirade maligning and disowning me, of course. Even today our relationship is stilted.

I would offer you this advice: My mom never once vilified my dad. Even after the things he said to me she said she disagreed with him but to remember that what he did he did out of love because he was trying to save my life. Here's what that did for me: it allowed me an avenue to forgive my dad, which was better for me than for him. It allowed me to see my mom as the bigger person. And it did not for one moment convince me that my dad was not wrong, it simply allowed me to understand his motivation. Let your son see on his own that his dad is wrong. Support your son without maligning his dad, your son will see for himself what kind of person his dad is one way or the other. I haven't been any closer to the religion than I have had to be since coming of age, I have the best possible relationship I could have with my father given than he is an ass ;), I am able to forgive him the things he does knowing that he does love me which is good for me to be able to do so I don't carry it for the rest of my life, and I am best of friends with my mom and respect her and how she chose to handle the situation. I wish for your son the same things.

Best,

Jackie

TheSilence

I also agree he should stay with you and not your sister. Who cares if your ex-husband blames you... it is what your son thinks that matters, and your son knows that this was his own decision not yours.

saltyoldlady

Great advice has been given by others but I just have to say - Another prayer answered! Thank you Jehovah.

AGuest

Congratulations, dear HIS (peace to you!) and isn't it marvelous what "little children" can dedeuce all on their own? And a shame to what extent "adults" interfere in matters such as this... when it is supposed to be a "personal decision." I get it that some believe they are "saving" their children (I was among them), but they forget the admonition, "Train up a boy in the way he SHOULD go and he will not leave off from it." Seems that the flaws in his father's "training" revealed itself to your son... and so he has decided that it is NOT the way he should go.

As dear Tec and Silence (peace to you, both!) both wisely said, take him home with you. Otherwise, he might be confused and consider it some other kind of rejection... versus you not only standing up FOR him... but WITH him. That (him feeling more rejected) you absolutely do NOT want.

Again, peace to you!

A slave of Christ,

SA

QuestioningEverything

This is wonderful news! Please give us an update .

Pams girl

Really glad for you and your boy Julia xxxx love, Paula x

outlawwilly

Wow. That is great news. The brief grief he will endure will be insignicant in the long run. He at least has his whole life ahead of him and he will have an opportunity to enjoy it. From the sounds of it, he also has a caring mum and sister willing to help him in the transition. He is indeed a lucky boy. Good for you and his sister as well.

headisspinning

A big apology for the delay in updating you all on our story.

We just moved this weekend with no help - we're disfellowshipped after all!
So, it was pretty stressful and this is really the first chance I've had.

I had a really great talk with my son on Friday. He was very open with me and I was open with him.

He said he's really been thinking about things for some time now and a JW girl at school went and told his dad that he has a worldly girlfriend without even approaching him.
It's not true at all and his dad accused him of lying. He said it was sort of a last straw for him and he's not going to be looking over his shoulder at school when he hasn't even done anything wrong.

He said that until now he has tried to live honestly as a JW. That this is not about wanting to do 'bad things' and that he will always try to be a 'good kid'.

It's just that the religion has never done a thing for him and he really has never believed it.

He said at this point all he really knows is he doesn't believe in evolution - he thinks that theory is ridiculous. But beyond that he's not sure right now.

He also said that 80% of the stress and anxiety in his life comes from being a JW.

He wanted to tell his dad on Sunday but is hesitating because they had plans on the weekend and he doesn't want to ruin it for everyone.

I explained that there will never be an ideal time and the longer he waits will only prolong the agony.

The last he's really said is that even if he doesn't tell his father right away, he wants to get out of there because they have been arguing a lot and life is very tense there.

I'm just trying to be supportive and nor add to his stress but still try to get him out of there asap.

And I agree - I think it's best if he comes and lives here too and I am encouraging him to do that.

Thanks to all of you!

mamalove

WOW! So happy for you! It is just the begining!

Pinch me. Am I Dreaming?

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