Lots of good advice, so I have nothing to add except to say I'm sorry you're feeling low.
I feel so alone here...
by Pams girl 67 Replies latest jw friends
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mrsjones5
I got a little poem for you that I posted on the board once. I hope it makes you feel a little better and brings a smile to your face.
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cantleave
Paula, If you are in the UK you can always call us. I am happy to PM our phone number if you want.
There is also Friday night chat on the Braodroad.com at 8pm, which was initailly for UK ex-jws but we have people from all over join in, where we arrange meet-ups and make new friends.
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Morbidzbaby
Hey Paula,
I have to say, this makes me sad to read how you're feeling. You've always got nice things to say to everyone here and I always enjoy your input. I'm sorry you're suffering inside.
I can relate in some ways. I grew up JW, so I was actually never really close to my non-JW family. And now in my immediate family it's just me and my brother who don't want to be JW's, so it's hard at times to know where the heck you fit. I feel like a square peg trying to fit into this round hole of a world.
I got in touch with an old friend from school awhile back. I guess you could say she was my best friend. A few other posters have mentioned that people grow and change and are not the same. This was true in my case, except it was me who grew and changed and she still acts like she's a teen. I was in constant contact with her for about 2 years. All she really did was use me and then stabbed me in the back. So sometimes leaving someone in the past is a good thing. I'm not saying that this will be your experience, not at all. But be aware that sometimes it's YOU who have changed and you no longer fit with people you knew years ago. It's not a bad thing, really. It actually showed me how far I've come.
As for family, a couple of years ago my dad's side of the family had a reunion after 10 years of everyone going their separate ways. It was nice to see everyone, but part of me felt like an outsider still. Amazingly, once my cousins and some aunts and uncles found out I was no longer an active JW and wanted nothing to do with it, they really came around. I keep in touch with some of my cousins on Facebook and we call and chat once in awhile. I actually apologized for not knowing them better and for missing their milestones growing up (communion, etc). I started explaining about the cult and my mom not allowing me and my brother to get close to family and for the most part, they interrupted and said "Morbidz, you don't have to explain...you think we don't know? Your mom acted like the rest of the family had the plague! We know it wasn't your fault...don't worry about it!". So that was nice to hear...
I guess I'm telling you this because, as someone who had alienated family, I was able to get on the right track with them. Not all of them, mind you, there are still some that I won't associate with because they are just not very good people. But for the most part, I've started getting to know them and I love it. So, if someone who never knew her family personally can do it, you can too. I know you worry they won't understand, but don't be afraid to take the blame in this situation. And then explain. The one thing about family is that they will, for the most part, love you unconditionally. Whereas JW's love you when you're falling in line.
Facebook is a good place to start. As for making new friends, that's still a tough one for me. I don't really have any friends. My best friend is my boyfriend...and he's pretty much my only friend. I have people I work with that I consider acquaintances, but I don't trust easily because I'm the type of person who is a bleeding heart and I will help anyone and everyone if I can...and I end up getting used a LOT. So I'm careful with who I decide to be friends with now. I'd rather be alone than be used and abused, ya know? But there were some good suggestions here... Book clubs, ex-JW meetups, take a class in something you're interested in, find a hobby that you can share with others, etc. If you're still Biblically-inclined, check out some local Bible study groups or Bible discussion groups.
Above all, as hard as it is, try to stay positive. A very big positive thing you have going for you right now is that you escaped a cult before committing to it! That's something to be proud of! That gives you a leg-up on being aware of cult tactics and your eyes are more open then someone who has never had the experience. You have experience to share. Maybe you can help someone else who is heading into the same danger. Even by just talking about it with people, telling them what you know, you can help someone. Someone who, before knowing you, may have listened to the JW's or the Mormons, etc. Just posting here, you can bet you've helped a lot of people...people who don't even post and just lurk and read!
Take it one step, one day, even one hour at a time. It WILL get better. And in the meantime, you have all of us here to support and listen.
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cult classic
Pam - I hope you can "feel" the love here.
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Pams girl
THANK YOU ALL....WOW! Im so overwhelmed by your responses! I appreciate each and every one of them, truly, thank you so much x
I have had agoraphobia and panic for 10 years, about a year after I qualified as a nurse. The JWs caught me just after I was sacked from my job and my friend died in a car accident. I was vulnerable.....you know the rest. I do think they made me worse really....I began not to trust anyone, and had no interest in making new friends who were worldly.....and then the cycle begin...trapped/safe? Never mind they said YOU HAVE US! yeah, right! Oh well.
I am so grateful for you.
I really thought I was taking a big risk posting this.......I thought Id get beaten down for being wimpy for some reason. Youve all made my day and cheered me up, and I will certainly take on board everything youve all had to say.
THANK YOU for being there for me. I feel better for your kindness. xxxxxxxxxx
MUCH LOVE xxxxxxxxx
PAULA xxxxxxxx
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ballistic
Pams girl, I only hope a critical mass of UKers build up on the site as they did a few years ago, the meet ups and gatherings were so much fun. But people have moved on ( a good thing at the end of the day) and hardly any of them post anymore. There are new ones joining all the time and all it takes is a few people with the imagination to get together in real life. I'm only back because I started to dislike facebook LOL.
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jgnat
My girlfriend, an accomplished counsellor, has been studying the condition of loneliness. The latest research suggests that lonely people are more socially aware than average, and the issue is much more complicated than simply telling them to get out more. I know that I have felt my loneliest in the middle of a crowded room. My friend recommends the book, "Lonely - Learning to Live with Solitude". You might get some new insights in the book.
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ballistic
jgnat, while what you say is true, for anyone looking on in, the process of either being DF or cast out from the witnesses is sometimes like being thrown into solitary confinement, and this is something which is very real and profound despite any state of mind. And I'm not diminishing the point you make either.
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mrsjones5
Thanks for the suggested book Jgnat. Loneliness is something I'm quite familiar with.