Seeking suggestions on reaching my wife ...

by wannabefree 42 Replies latest members private

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  Haulin Oats

  My 2 pesos:

  For my wife it was the child molestation thing that started the whole snowball of rolling to freedom. We read it (together, me reading aloud to her) from the free minds website (thank you Barb!). I really spun the whole thing like a "family study" reading aloud and peridocally asking if she had an questions. I made sure to stress Barb's credentials before diving into the molestation facts.

  And my other peso: If she's locked in tight to the cult, you may have to start at the logical fallacy stages (which also helped my wife and kids to reason for themselves). The jwfacts website has a great page on fallacies in the WT org (thanks to the dude that runs that site also!).
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I would love to give you suggestions, but you have gotten way further with your wife than I could even imagine getting with my wife. My wife would never ever ever even consider looking at CoC once she knew what it was. We don't have a daughter about to be baptized, so the rest is not really applicable to my situation.

  If I were to give a suggestion, it would be that you gave your wife a chance to read CoC before you gave it to your daughter. PROCEED. Give it to your daughter. Somethings will shake out with your wife. See what happens.
• 

  wannabefree

  @ jgnat - thanks for the info, that was very thoughtful of you

  @ diamondiiz - I am glad things worked out for you, another positive experience for encouragement, I agree with you, I know that if the table was turned, I would not have been willing to accept this, it has to be your own decision, I just hope I can help her along to that.

  @ Haulin Oats - thanks for your pesos, I did plant the info from Barb at the beginning of my awakening, she didn't take it too well at the time, but at least the seed is planted ... I will revisit jwfacts for a refresher (I often do, AWESOME sight ... thanks jwfacts!)

  @ OnTheWayOut - I appreciate your point of view, I admire the way you have dealt with your situation, I wish it worked out better for you, thanks for chiming in
• 

  Georgiegirl

  @wannabefree - I have to go back and finish reading everything, but one thing in one of your posts really struck me and I'm afraid of forgetting so I'm going to quickly comment! You mentioned that re your daughter:

  "She also wants to date, however, she wants to date a Witness boy, of course this would be a no-no in the congregation for a girl who is loved by all, and I am torn because I would like to let her experience this normal act of dating, on the other hand, I sure don't want to promote a relationship with a young man who is governed by organizational policies and might only complicate my web even further..."

  Dating a Witness boy should never ever ever ever be construed as a "normal act of dating". JW dating is such a twisted form of what it really is - please go with your instincts on this and don't allow it. Dating is only a short path to marriage, and as a born-in, I can tell you that it is soooo easy for a young and naive girl to be manipulated in this process (shudder), and to start complying in an effort to be the perfect potential fiance, especially since marriage is the ONLY path for a young girl in this organization.

  Is there any possible way for her to get involved with young people (including boys) outside of the organization???
• 

  sinis

  Truth? Ask her "what is truth?" and let her explain. I would bring up what was said earlier about them being wrong, but yet God still uses them. This is NOT the case for the so called prophets in the OT. If you were wrong you were WRONG and "god" had nothing to do with you. I would ask her, so are they inspired BY GOD? If so, then how could they be wrong? Would that not mean "god" is wrong? Have HER explain it to YOU, not the other way around. Logic is always ths answer, however in teaching logic the other person cannot simply believe what ever is being said they have to run it through their mind, agree with it (based on logical proof), and then it makes sense. I would do likewise with your spouse.
• 

  Evidently Apostate

  wannabefree:

  i am going thru the same thing with my wife. one thing i find that helps is to point out others who let their children get dunked at an early age and then they change their mind or slip up and are df'ed and the emotinal toll this takes on them, also point out that jesus was 29 years old when he was baptized. i have a 17yo son and i had to put a stop to him getting baptized last year he was even going over the questions with the elders and one asked me why i felt the way i did i told him he wasnt doing it for himself.

  Try to be patient and give up pointing out errors with the beliefs she has had her whole life. my wife is also a born in and i was a convert so i find debating religion useless, i get more out of her if i occasionally ask questions subtle ones that do not raise the apostate warnings. and i just try to be a good person to her she knows how i feel and that i am done with it so take things slow and show her love.

  She has been a dub her whole life and it may take years for her to see things fro what they are
• 

  wannabefree

  @ Georgiegirl - I agree, that has been the struggle for me, dating to a Witness isn't just a natural progression of maturing, socializing, it is the step to marriage, and most Witnesses I have known who started dating got married within months of dating. This is definately a dilemna. I have told her to take it slow, get to know kids her own age (the boy she is interested in is just under 4 years older, not that big of a difference, but not good in this scenario) ... she laments that there aren't boys her age, then when she brings up dating she announces that "Dad would rather I date a worldly boy". - - - this is not the daughter I originally posted about, this one is baptized, so this is a whole different set of issues to try and deal with

  @ sinis - I have had these dicussions trying to reason, use illustrations ... cult personality takes over, I have been reviewing Releasing the Bonds, it is so difficult for me to take things slowly, but I can see the wisdom in it

  @ Evidently Apostate - I have discussed the baptism issue with my wife and daughter (my 17 year old is baptized) my youngest isn't yet and my wife is unhappy that I have ruined that for the youngest. I will try to be patient.

  Perhaps I should just retreat. Go back in full steam ahead. I'm not disfellowshipped, I'm sure the "friends" would be happy to see that I got out of my slump. I presented this life to my children, they believe it, they are happy with it, who am I to take that away from them now? THIS SUCKS!
• 

  Evidently Apostate

  i dont think i could go d to d again knowing what i do it is hard enough to stomach the lies and hate on an occasional sunday. if you do dont let it build up anger. my brother tried to go along with it until he had a meltdown and ended up df'd as an apostate.

  look at it this way even if they get baptized chances are they will still leave and if they are df'd you will have reason to leave yourself. good luck
• 

  wannabefree

  Today I tried SEL's suggestion ....

  Perhaps you could read it aloud to your wife.

  My JW friend recently said that he can't read Crisis because it's apostate literature, but he can't help it if I read it to him. I don't get that logic either, but maybe that method will work if you just want to get some of that info to your wife.

  I started with ... "did I do alright at the convention" (about a month ago in one of our conversations she asked me about the convention and if I even planned on going ... I told her that I really didn't want to and it would probably make me crabby) she said that I was good and everything went well. (Last year I had a hard time and was quite irritable as I was a few months into the shock of waking up when the convention came around, I was more numb to it this year) I then asked her if she had thought at all about reading the book I spoke with her about (Crisis of Conscience) .... (from original post above)

  A couple of weeks ago I spoke with my wife about "Crisis of Conscience", I told her that I wanted her to have any opportunity to read the book herself. I knew she wouldn't want to, so I suggested it as an opportunity for her to read it before I had my daughter read it. I told her how I wish I had it available to me to read before I was baptized and that it would be wrong for me not to allow my daughter the opportunity to read it. I presented it as an opportunity for my wife to read it first, not to try and change her, but to give her the opportunity to understand it first so when I presented to to my daughter she could have the opportunity to present her informed side to refute it.

  She said "I couldn't, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with that". I said, "I understand, what if I read it to you, would that be okay? If it bothers you too much I will stop." She said that would be okay! She fell asleep before I finished chapter 1, BUT IT'S A START! WOW!
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Congratulations wannabefree!! It sounds like you are killing two birds with one stone by reading to your wife. You are addressing her WTBTS phobias about possibly losing you because you do not want to blindly follow the WTBTS and circumventing hre reading apostate literature. Good-luck, but you may have to reread parts of chapter 1 again to her. LOL

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  ABibleStudent