I know how you feel. Last year I was determine to fix my spirituality, to really get on track in the organization. I prayed a lot that Jehovah would show me what my wife and I needed to do. The answer wasn't what I thought it would be. Where things take me, we'll see. I leave it in Jehovah's hands and if I'm wrong in the end it won't be because I didn't have faith in Jehovah. I see the organization as a disaster just like the Israelites though.
A quote I like is to "run with those that search for truth, and run like hell from those that claim to have found it".