I can never get paragraphs to work when I post with my BlackBerry. I am grateful that my parents have not shunned me after leaving. Especially since I have been associating with another faith. I am very lucky. And selfish. I want it all... I need to look at the positive more than the negative.
How can I get past the anger?
by Rocky_Girl 25 Replies latest jw friends
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TheSilence
You are not selfish and we all *want* it all even if we can't have it. You're just human, that's all. We all just do the best we can, eh? ;)
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Rocky_Girl
Yeah :) we do. It is pretty amazing to see my kids' happy faces when we are celebrating. It is so amazing to be able to give them that joy. How long have you been out, Jackie?
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jamiebowers
My dear girl, you're not selfish...you're just human. Everyone wants that Norman Rockwell existence. Forgive your parents for your sake, and leave your mother to her own anger about not being able to participate in celebrations with your children. It's her choice. I've been out for about 23 years, and my mom has completely shunned me. I had to replace her, because she didn't give me a choice. It looks like your mother is doing the same thing as far as celebrations are concerned. So, please, do what I did...look around for others who would be happy to be welcomed to your celebrations. Opening your home to someone who has nowhere else to go will replace your anger with another emotion; kindness. And it will teach your children compassion and graciousness.
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TheSilence
How long have you been out, Jackie?
I suppose that depends upon how you are looking at it. ;) I was never baptised so I was never actually "in", I suppose. I told my dad when I was 13 that I didn't belive. I was still required to attend meetings until I was an adult and could no longer be compelled. I had nightmares into my early 20's of god killing me at armageddon. I still remember a particularly vivid one of being chased by a mudslide and eventually being buried alive in it. So even though I wasn't attending and didn't believe there were still some pretty serious ramifications going on at that point. I'm 37 now.
So if you're going by how long I've been officially not affiliated I was never in to get out since I didn't get baptised. If you're going with how long since I really believed about 25 years. If you're going with how long since I regularly attended meetings about 20 years. If you're going with how long I've really been okay with it... well, that line is fuzzy and so I couldn't guesstimate. And even though I'm at peace with it, for the most part, sometimes I will get an email from my dad or see my nephew's fear of the world and it strikes a chord in me. :::smile::: I, too, just do the best I can. ;)
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What-A-Coincidence
be with your feelings of anger ... don't fight it ... be with it.... acknowledge what is and what isn't ... loving a person means loving them for what they are and what they are not. you don't need to get past anything ... you need to be with your anger.
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Rocky_Girl
That Norman Rockwell picture is pretty nice :) I know it isn't really like that for anyone, but maybe a little closer. I left when I was 17 physically, 24 emotionally, and I've spent the last 7 years trying to figure out where I belong. At 31, I may have found it, I am just too scared to grab it - I don't want to end up stuck again. As far as being with my anger, I'm not sure what that means. I can't imagine being healthy while holding on to anger. Could you clarify W-A-C?
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EntirelyPossible
You can get by with sex and whisky and I'm available.
Or, you know, therapy and letting go and moving on and realizing you can't control other people's choices, just your own and realizing that it's YOUR choice how to move on now, you can hold on to the anger and let it hold you back or let it go and move forward.
But the occasional weeked of sex and drinking never hurt, either.
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sizemik
Anger can often linger because we haven't fully understood and isolated why certain things are the way they are. Time helps with this because it is as much about perspective as it is about knowledge . . . with the distance of time our view changes. Anger can simply be the manifestation of psychological injury . . . like pain is to a physical injury . . . both lessen with time . . . even if both leave a scar. Healing does come. Be patient with yourself . . . nothing ever stays the same.
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Thetis
Anger has also been a huge issue for me and it's so damaging to one. After seeing quite a few therapists, who helped me establish why I felt this way, I felt that I needed someone to give me advice on how to let go. I am now seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist. I've only been twice but can already see results.