“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”
- Hunter S. Thompson
How can I get past the anger?
by Rocky_Girl 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Scully
It's really important to understand that anger isn't a negative emotion that must be avoided at all costs.
Anger is the catalyst for and provides the energy for many worthwhile endeavours - people take their anger from a particular experience and channel it into something positive. Things like fund-raising organizations for cancer research, as a tribute to loved ones lost to the disease, for example.
For a long time, I sent Christmas cards to my workmates every year (I've since changed jobs) because my JW relatives refuse to associate with us, even though they have their JW version of Christmas Dinner and Thanksgiving Dinner every year. I attend baby and bridal showers and birthday parties and retirement celebrations for my workmates. I take cooking classes and have developed a circle of friends who take those classes too. We try to go to all the holiday parades and celebrations in town. We check out all the featured homes at Hallowe'en and Christmas. We do a lot of fun things with our kids that they wouldn't be able to do or allowed to do if we were still going to JW Meetings™. The nice thing about it is that we don't run into any JWs while we're out having fun!
Living well and being happy is the best revenge to counter a lousy restrictive JW childhood. Eventually I was able to go from always being angry over my upbringing and the rift between me and my JW relatives, to enjoying my life, seeing my children enjoying their childhood and growing up into really great young adults (who have no JW hang-ups), and finally to not even giving JWs a second thought except for pity that they are the ones making the choice to miss out on some terrific times with my family.
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jgnat
I was angry at my mom for a long time for not being the mother I needed her to be. Once I reconciled that she couldn't, I was able to put some distance and move on.
It seems to me you are mad at your parents for making your kids miss out on large family gatherings, and mad at them for losing out. Once you reconcile that they won't do what is best for themselves and the family, you can move on. You can adopt new friends to fill out your table and give your children rich memories.
Their loss.
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jgnat
Oh, P.S., to reinforce what Scully says. Anger is not a "bad" emotion. It has served me well to signal when something is not right. Usually I am not being treated properly and I haven't done anything about it. Sort out why you are angry, and you will find the key to make it right.
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Rocky_Girl
Accepting anger is a difficult concept for me. I was raised to bottle it up and it is strange to feel it and let it out. I wonder if this is how a 13 year-old boy feels, LOL. I should take up kickboxing to work it out. After reading what you have all written, I can see that there is a lot to see below the surface. I know that it kills my mom not to join us. And I know that she just can't do it. It is an unnatural situation, completely created by this damn cult. Perhaps I will have the big family holiday someday, I will just be the old granny with great-grandbabies in my arms. Of course, until then I will just have to get by on alcohol and sex... Haha@ EP- your post made me laugh
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EntirelyPossible
I do what I can to help (call me).