For exJW Singles - Would You Consider Dating/Marrying Another ExJW? (page 3)

Broken Promises

Any takers?

I'm a fader who's been out for over 10 years, never da'd or df'd (yes, it is possible). I could almost be classed as a non-JW, lol.

Oh, man! The chairman of my judicial committee was right! "Apostates just want to commit fornication," he said. And it's TRUE!!! I'm having a change of heart! I think I'll rejoin a cult! Got nothing better to do, right?

I think it would make sense that an ex-JW would at least date another ex-JW, just because they both understand the issues, but I suppose if one party or the other isn't fully conscious or still has serious guilt issues, it could be dangerous.

Thankfully, I locked myself away in marriage and threw away the key, trusting that I'd be safely ensconced in a cocoon of love, affection, and slave-like domination (sometimes in the good way). (There's a good way?) (Yeah. There is. Trust me.) (Don't want to know...)

But it'd be better, if you're single, to watch a whole lot of good movies and read a whole lot of novels and comic books, and play a whole lot of video games. That beats relationships any day!

--sd-7

RagingBull

Well, I've dated MOSTLY "wordly" girls in my lifetime, so I'd definitely have NO problems. Only my parents and one sibling are JWs...so it is what it is. I think ex-JW girls could be okay too since they'd understand how crazy it all was anyway. I'm sure I could help her get over whatever hangups she may have. I have no mental blocks thanks the my double-life appreciation from years ago.

Twitch

Do you consider being an exJW a hindrance to dating?

It was for awhile after leaving mainly due to the ingrained mindset about "worldly" people but that faded eventually, once I got over myself and my head holding me back.

Do you have issues that you think only another exJW would understand?

Yes, but only as long as I considered them issues. At some level, only another xjw will understand a certain part of me but I no longer need to be understood as that, as I've become more than that since. Also, everyone is like this to a degree where only they or people with like experiences will understand exactly what it is to be them but I don't want a relationship based on comisery or the past.

Or do you think it would be better to date someone who had never been a JW?

Depends on what you need and where you are. I believe you have to find someone who complements your strengths and weaknesses, someone who can show you, even train you how to think and process relationships a different way. One xjw I dated long ago said we were the blind leading the blind and she was right, at the time. I learned much more from relationships with non xjws actually.

All in all, I likely wouldn't date another xjw again. I consider other priorities and qualities in someone more akin to what I am now and what I want for the future.

Girlie

Do you consider being an exJW a hindrance to dating? No as I was never truly attracted to being with a JW male when I was in and knew that if I were to marry, it would be to an outsider.

Do you have issues that you think only another exJW would understand? No. While I still have some residual guilt tripping that plays with my mind, I feel that I can handle them on my own. I don't mind having ex-JW for friendships or even a relationship, but he would have to be one who is totally out for us to be together. No going back at all. I am able to be with all kinds of people and enjoy their company.

Or do you think it would be better to date someone who had never been a JW? Personally, it would better to date someone who meets my standards of what I am looking for, be it ex-JW or non-JW. However, being single and living life isn't a bad thing either.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Do you consider being an exJW a hindrance to dating?

At this point it still is. But I'm a fast learner! I've already learned that just because you're going on a date doesn't mean that you have to start planning for the wedding. Conversation is easier without a chaperone.

Do you have issues that you think only another exJW would understand?

Perhaps. But I get enough communication and understanding from here, as well as other exJW friends and family, that I don't feel the need to be married to someone that has experienced all the same things. I was raised in the country, outside a small town. I feel a kinship with those that have a similar upbringing, but I don't feel the need to restrict myself to marrying a farmgirl.

Or do you think it would be better to date someone who had never been a JW?

More specifically about marriage. I think I'd prefer someone that has never been a dub and has a relatively normal nonJW family.

Diest

I would marry an exdub who has no family that are in still. I dont think I would want to have family issues on all sides...but then again, love is love. If I met the right women I dont think it would matter what her past was, so long as in the present she was a non-thiest, who was never going back.

keyser soze

I used to believe I would have to date an ex-JW. But the longer I'm out, and the more "worldly" people I get to know, the more I realize that they are not all that differen't. A lot of people have issues, people with no JW background at all. Ex-JWs haven't cornered the market on "messed-up".

LongHairGal

BrokenPromises:

This can't be answered with a simple yes or no and would depend on how "ex" the ex-JW is.

Are they out many years? Or, are they out within the last few years and still have family in? Have they made a life that is totally outside the religion OR are they connected in some way to the religion? I certainly don't need somebody who may go crawling back to the religion at some point.

While I accept that all of us ex-JWs carry some emotional "baggage" as a result of our bad experience with the religion, I would want somebody who has moved on for the most part and is not going on and on about the religion like a broken record.

For exJW Singles - Would You Consider Dating/Marrying Another ExJW?

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