by VampireDCLXV 40 Replies latest jw friends
I AINT GOING BACK TO 'JEHOVAH-TOWN!'
Another thing I was gonna say: A lot of people at the hall DONT REALIZE, that their friendships, relationships with spouse and parents ARE BASED on an organization. This is the thing that kills me the most. They didnt become friends or mates 'by chance' they meant at the kingdom hall, and thats what their relationships are based on: Organizational poilcies.
Its fake, forced, and a fraud!
Do I enjoy the predicament I put myself in,no,but there is no going back. I know too much. And it all depends on what day I am asked and my current mood.
Some days,the thought of finally putting it all behind me leaves me with hope and an array of possibilities. But,then,there is the fear and challenge of what lies ahead,and starting life over from scratch is overwhelming to say the least.
And I keep my distance from former friends and family in the congregation. But,I still love them,yes,I would miss a few. I was blessed to be in a congregation that was close and caring. I'm not going to deny that there aren't problems. But,most try their best.
And as far as wondering if some of it holds true,sometimes yes,but,most often no. Even when I still was in,there was at least a couple teachings I had problems understanding. They just didn't make any sense.
As far as fearing the Big A,well,I never gave it much thought as a Witness. I would skip over that to paradise. I truly didn't serve God for fear of dying. I thought I did it out of love and I really believed Jehovah was real. The new system was just icing on the cake so to speak.
But,now,I don't know what to believe. I'm used to thinking I knew all the answers to the big questions of life. I don't anymore. And sometimes,it doesn't really matter. But,sometimes I struggle with what it all means. My wall has come crashing down,and I don't even know where to start on rebuilding it.
I feel everyone needs a place they feel they belong,I lost my place. I have to search and find a new place,and new meaning,and a new beginning. It takes time and it won't happen overnight,at least for me. I'm happy for others who have found their way. We all have to be true to ourselves no matter what.
I am working on it, but there is one elder hounder that seems to keep track of what I do on a monthly basis. The elders are so much in control of the R&F members.
Your two new questions: #1- I am not DF and for a while I was worried about it because my parents still talk to me right now. But, we all know that even without the DF, the elders can pressure those still in to shun. My folks have tried a few times, but it hurts my mom not to see my kids (we have never been close) so she always apologizes for her hurtful words and invites us back. #2- The last time the elders came to my door (5th time in 10 days) I told them I would call the police next time they "dropped by" and report that two men were harassing me and, as a single mom living alone, I was afraid for my safety. They never came back and I haven't had to deal with any pressure to either come back or DA.
I agree with the comments here that love and friendship are conditional in Kingdonm Halls.
I'm still in and of the conscious class, have moved from elder to pub. Accepting only minor responsibilities, minimum FS with only the Bible and the real message it contains, no studies (indoctrinations).
Wife in and a wonderful human being and super close friends of almost 40 yrs. who are trapped as I once found myself. I have no desire to disrupt their lives as in my opinion we are all here by choice.
I'm just riding this out to see where it goes but this time it is on my own terms. ( I think big things are afoot from within)
The basic principles in the Bible are good ones to try to live by for self improvement. ( in my opinion)
Anyway the R&F are mostly self sacrificing people who think they are doing God's will and want the same thing all humans want. A FREE & HAPPY LIFE!
My issues go far beyond any religion, I have issues with the Creator himself for allowing this mess and the mass confusion and suffering of his creation----- that will be for another post.
I don't fear Dfing (been there-done that from both sides of the table) and do not fear the “big A” I say bring it on at least we will know he has finally returned and gives a crap.
Since escaping the mind control of the Borg I am now really focusing on the questions I have always had and tucked away “waiting on Jehovah” and although this place can get a little out there it has been a true haven for expressing myself and just letting the chips fall where they may!
Thanks for the great post!
PS sorry for all the brackets it looks like the NWT
Kensho Satori
I'll never believe again that the WTS is God's earthly organization. I only attended to make things easier with my wife. She's a social JW so there's not much discussion on doctrine. It's like a Catholic that says " I was born a Catholic and I'll die a Catholic" without any real indepth understanding of the basic premise of the religion. I think that's the way many born-in JWs are like.
Will I DA? No, not unless there has to be a major decision that would be life & death (ie blood). Or if they turned to mandatory tithing. No way in hell I'm giving them a cent.
Missing old witless "friends(??)"? Hardly--they disconnected me from anyone that might have been sufficient reason to stay in, usually by moving them to another congregation. And they deliberately put up walls between me and the "sisters" (I believe Jehovah himself willed that, because he did that before I became a witless and continues staunchly doing so now). This also diminished any reason I would have to stay in the cancer for "friends". And the "friends(??)" they wanted to put in my life were all men, puke ugly and wanting the strictest interpretation of everything for me. Nothing worth returning for on that department.
The good times? What good times? None of the "good times" are still there. Not only for the above listed reason, but because the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger has been cracking down on everything that counts as "a good time". Picnics are gone. And so are most of the social elements. About all that's left is field circus and boasting sessions. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to return to every single thing that could go wrong in field circus, from every delay to having them totally mess up. However, rationally I realize it would still be a waste of my time and I would probably end up going to a territory where I would get 50 or 60 return visits and houndings to return to each and every one of them (all men, just plain puke ugly men). And, the "good times" once present at a$$emblies are all gone, replaced with endless signs and rules.
As for the possibility of them being right, I did a simple chart. There are two possibilities each of my staying in or leaving, and of its being the truth or not. I realized that the horror of the opposite sex being FOREVER off-limits (or all dead because they couldn't stand the thought of living forever with me in the world) was far worse than getting destroyed could ever be, and a much bigger guilt trip than any "You murdered people because you didn't pio-sneer" could possibly be. And I know Jehovah is never going to fix that issue, or allow Satan or myself (or anyone else) to fix it (he somehow thinks I should do things without the incentives), so I don't have any reason to want to get into the New Dark Ages with Jehovah.
How could anyone go back after learning the truth about JW/WT teachings, history and conduct ?
They are wrong, plain wrong, on so many levels, about almost everything.
I miss seeing some of the sweet kids that were at our KH, some of whom are my blood relatives, but that is no reason to go and live a lie.
I have moved on, got educated, grown up, become happy and fulfilled, life is too short to give up those blessings. To return in any way would be to confirm to my relatives and old "friends" that they are in god's religion.
I really like my life now, and I like the discomfort, more Cognitive Dissonance, this brings to JW's.
My fade is pretty well established, haven't been to the meetings in years and I've let my family know I'm not coming back. While they aren't ok with it they've accepted it and as I respect their beliefs by not dissing them, we're good.
I do not miss anything about being one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It is a fraud, a sham - what is there to miss? I've never had dreams of being destroyed at Armageddon, so I don't expect any now; I don't think I ever truly believed it anyhow.
As far as friends go, I've never had a large circle of friends, just a few close ones; and while a couple of them can't accept my decision, there are others who have also left the Org so we have our own little support group. Serendipity!
I can't conceive of any circumstances that would prompt me to go back, I'd DA in a heartbeat.
Admittedly, my circumstances have made it much easier for me to leave than for many other people. Both my parents are dead and I am an only child, so my ties to the Org are weak.
My husband has also faded for several years, however his beleif was much stronger than mine ever was as he was a convert and I was a born in. He is still struggling with feelings of loss; he loved field service (imagine that!) and truly wanted to serve in the congo. Over time though, his doubts and fears are fading and he is thoroughly convinced that it is a lie, so it is becoming easier for him.
Our concerns now are building an entire new life, determining a new career and a new location to live and building a new network of friends and interests. Being in our fifties the challenges are interesting, indeed.
