Do You Have ABANDONMENT ISSUES?

by sizemik 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  talesin

  attachment issues, as opposed to abandonment issues

  Same thing .... read your post and think about it.

  t
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  FollowedMyHeart

  Great thread, sizemik. I hadn't thought about abandonment issues before. I can see some similarities like my parents not being emotionally present (not much, anyway) and security is a huge thing for me in a relationship. I've always been the one to leave. Maybe that is a subconscious abandonment thing or maybe it's something else. I don't know.
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  Luo bou to

  I'm the rescuer type with the need to be needed and have been drawn into several futile romantic relationships with BPD's who have strong abandonment fears. My early childhood experience was never being good enough.

  What I consistently heard as a JW from the literature and the platform was your not good enough. No matter how hard you tried it was never enough They would quote that scripture from one of the minor prophets that Maybe you will be saved during the big A

  I believe that JW kids will sense that their parents love if you can call it love is conditional and develop fears of abandonment. How can any parent disown their kids when they don't buy into the bullshit and say it's because they love them
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  talesin

  I'm the rescuer type with the need to be needed and have been drawn into several futile romantic relationships with BPD's who have strong abandonment fears.

  "If I save you, then surely you will love me back/won't abandon me." The person in a co-dependent relationship is often seeing their reflection in their partner. I am was a rescuer myself.

  And the message was clear, right? If you're not good enough for [insert parents/J*h], we will cast you out. So you darn well better be a good boy!

  jest sayin' .....

  t
• 

  ziddina

  Oh, Girlie!!

  Thanks for mentioning Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - that's pretty common among JWs and ex-JWs, too...

  I was beaten, battered, bullied and intimidated into the cult, so I think I know that of which you speak...

  Zid
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  ziddina

  "YOU always keep your bobbin full? it's a cute line and probably not the correct way --- i'll check it out. i love fabric, too, especially some of those european ones. ..." LV101

  "... seriously fabric? aww

  My guess it would bring beauty and an actual "material" element into your life that was lacking, and "speaks" to your creative nature when nothing else did.

  Am I even close?? ..." Clarity

  Wow!!! TWO fellow fabric-aholics???

  Yes, Clarity, you nailed it!! Plus, I can generally manipulate the fabric without protest - well, with little protest - from the fabric...

  Not so the humans and critters in my life, however... [sigh...]

  Sorry... Off-topic... Zid
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  Girlie

  Thanks, Zid. Only, my cruel and unsual punishment happened prior to being in the cult. The cult just heightened some of my disorders with its oppressive environment and warped teachings.

  Sorry to hear of what you endured. That's why I do enjoy coming to this site. It is a great source for support, strength and healing.
• 

  mrsjones5

  Make that three (actually four including my hubby, we used to go on fabric store dates) fabricholics. Personally abandonment issues manifested as detachment...yes. I don't attach easily to folks, the few exceptions have included my hubby and my kids. It takes me a while to warm up to new people and because I've been this way for a while I don't have a good way to speed up the process. But on the flip side i don't like it if someone tries to speed up the process for me, that just pisses me off.
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  ShirleyW

  It takes me a while to warm up to new people and because I've been this way for a while I don't have a good way to speed up the process. But on the flip side i don't like it if someone tries to speed up the process for me, that just pisses me off.

  Me too Mrs J, all the fault of being born in the Borg ! ! ! Unreal how many lives they've f**ed up. !
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  LV101

  i think a human's biggest fears are abandonment and rejection. this is a great subject to start thread on. Yes, think i do have abandonment issues. narcissistic mother who was there but not really there --- not a mother in any sense of the word and refused to be a mother and would have ran away (which she did in later yrs.) if she'd had the opportunity. was so upset when giving birth to my younger sister she couldn't even take care of her. thank goodness i had grandmother i could run to.

  some victims of abandonment put up with much abuse to prove they are lovable and pay heavily (financially, emotionally) to insure they can hang onto others and they won't run out on them. many are proving to themselves they can be lovingly mothered and become co-dependent.