I have serious abandoment issues.....my mother would tell me that she was going to leave me and run away........take another little girl for hers and leave me on the side of the road...ect... all when i was very young.
Do You Have ABANDONMENT ISSUES?
by sizemik 22 Replies latest jw friends
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skeeter1
Yep. You hit the nail on the head.
People enter a "religion" that tells them to abandon:
1) their own personality, hobbies, interests, dreams, desires....
2) their worldly friends
3) any worldly interests
4) worldly family
5) worldly jobs
Once in, the religion tells them that their new found "Friends" will abandon them if they break the rules and their Heavenly Father has a short fuse too.
Both of my parents were distant - with my father being actually physically very distant in the early years. I don't remember alot of hugs, kisses, or loving. I remember them working on "something" all the time. Watchtower study, service, tool shed, phone with girlfriends. I got fed, clothed, bathed, and taken places...but it wasn't real interpersonal time.
They both embraced that they should distance themselves for a great cause. They found it easy to distance themselves from people. Including me.
Yes, I fear being abandoned. Big time. My secret fear.
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sizemik
Thanks for all the comments . . . I know these issues are not exclusive to being raised JW . . . but I think it's probably fair to say it's over-representative among those raised in WT world . . .
@serenitynow! - Of course that will do harm to a child . . . hope things are improving on this score
@Broken Promises - it's a nasty paradox that survival mechanisms can severely disadvantage us. Glad the article was of some value
@ziddina - same to you zid the people around us can have us swimming against the tide . . . creative enterprises keep us believing in ourselves, keep our strength up . . . keep us moving forward.
@LV101 - feeling abandoned when the person is "still in the room" probably ingrains us the most . . . agree with all you've said
@clarity - Spot on with the connection to conversion vulnerability . . . I can relate totally. An earlier thread identified "lack of parenting factors" which is another way of saying the same thing. Shame that the bOrg is the last thing we should ever have invested in.
@talesin - thanks for your input. Your experience and understanding of the issues added some great insights. You give cause for optimism to all who are disadvantaged by this.
@Girlie - Yes, these issues often come as a cocktail . . . abandonment in early learning will precipitate all that you mention. Knowledge and understanding paves a way forward at the very least
@Miz - talesin dobbed you in there bro . . . welcome to the club. It is worth identifying and acknowledging these things . . . they do actually harm us. I think we males by nature find it harder to admit these things to ourselves. Hope the article adds something of value.
@FollowedMyHeart - Being the one to leave can simply pre-empt the feared abandonment. As the article mentioned this can be manifest in different ways. It's the fear that is the bummer . . . and unfortunately it belongs to us. We can mitigate it though.
@Luo bou to - Thanks for your post The "reflective" co-dependent thing is a common feature. talesins observations are insightful don't you think? You are correct I believe. Conditional love is just not good enough for a small child.
@mrsjones5 - the caution we learn to develop will only harm us if extreme. Sounds like you've progressed toward some balance. The "experience" learning has no doubt helped and will continue at your own pace.
@ShirleyW - The bOrg upbringing does this by default I believe. It's comforting that we're not alone in our struggle with it.
@sherry123 - shameful behavior for a parent I have to say. Some parents are carrying their own heavy issues I suppose. Trust the article is of some help.
@skeeter1 - Nice post my friend. Summarises briefly but emphatically the disadvantages that are directly attributable to this damaging religious affiliation. Make the knowledge work to your advantage.
I have identified clear and present abandonment issues that contributed to my conversion, as well as being heightened again during my exit as a JW. My wife has done so too, having similar pre-JW and the same JW experience. That is likely what drew us together no doubt.
Thanks again all . . . I honestly believe this issue is fundamental to the damage we suffer from this high-control religion. It is something we should acknowledge and educate ourselves about, with a view to improving and securing the relationships which are so important to our well-being. Also, our understanding of who we are and WHY is empowering and healing. Seeking professional help in dealing with these hindrances may be a wise step for many of us. Please revisit this issue from time to time. Wishing you all the best.