VERY depressed

by youngbro 91 Replies latest jw friends

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  NewChapter

  youngbro, I asked you if you were still seeking to remain an MS. You responded in an edit:

  Sort of. If I do get to remain, I can be a undercover, and thus tick the elduhs off.

  If (which is what I assume will happen), I am deleted, I can change congs and begin to fade....

  Youngbro, I don't believe you are thinking this through. What if you are not deleted? Have you seen posts here by active elders and MS? They are in agony. You suffer from depression, do you really think you should expose yourself to this? And to what end? To be a mole? We will always have moles. If changing congs and fading is an option for you, then go ahead and do it. Why hang onto this goal? Think about this, you have already disqualified yourself as an MS. That's a GOOD thing! I urge you to think about this a lot more. Why put yourself further on their radar before you move? They will tell your new congregation about any failed attempts to hand on to being an MS. Then they will be watching you more closely.

  NC
• 

  discreetslave

  Amen to that New Chapter. You need to get out youngbro I 've been thru the darkside with this religion I almost didn't make it. Don't put yourself thru the misery. Get out live your life. The sun shines brighter when your free from the Botchtower.

  It sounds like you still want to be a Christian. JW's are not real Christians. You can worship God in spirit & truth without an organized religion.

  Here is a song that I find comforting

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLy-B9LuqMo&feature=related
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  NewChapter

  I asked youngbro about why he wants to still serve and an MS. He sent me a reply, but is out of posts.

  	Post my reply lol
  	I cannot make any more posts for now, but my reply is this: I KNOW I will not be kept, they are going to delete me, I know it. And Here is the thing, if I get a bad intro letter, they will not jump on me to be used, thus making it easier for me
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  youngbro

  It went away pretty good yesterday, but the depression and now self loathing are back...with a vengance!
• 

  NomadSoul

  Youngbro, hang in there man.
• 

  Magwitch

  Youngbro - I am so sorry you are going through this. The sooner you get out of that cult, the sooner you will start feeling better. Let me know if you are on facebook. I would love to befriend you.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Hey Buddy!

  Sorry I just saw this thread. Haven't read all the posts yet. Here's where I was just a few years ago...

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/159978/1/Why-Im-a-loser-I-dont-know-what-to-do-to-fix-it

  Stick around. Things will get a whole lot better. They have for me.
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  So you get particularly depressed at the end of the month. No big puzzle. I would get stressed at the end of the month because I needed to get in more time to keep up with the national average in order to be a good example. Cram in the time and placements at the end of the month to scribble on a scrap of paper.

  And the guilt... I should have done more. I didn't really get 10 hours, I only got 9 1/4 hours. Will God destroy me like Ananias and Saphira? I really should have done that return visit on Mrs. Notreallyinterested. Maybe she's a sheep and I'll get killed for not driving 20 miles away to see if she wanted that Awake! on Alpine Marmots.

  Sound like you? Because that was me!
• 

  jdhf

  wow...i feel not only for youngbro but for so many who have shared parts of their stories here. I'm suffering from severe panic disorder and it's proving dibilitating. I was on anti-d's for 13 years..and recently gave up..say last feb...then had a whole lot of trauma in my life and hey presto needed to go back on them..but they are proving ineffective. I feel like crap all the time and am panicky too most of the day. And because i suffer from AV node reentry tachycardia and ectopics I really don't need my heart rate elevated. I'm out two years...and still feel like I'm lost...and son't know what to believe. Lost. So i do understand the feelings you have. They are a bitch..and you have received lots of good advice from many wise people. I tried many times to get my science degree underway to be told I shouldn't be studying. So I stopped. Last year...I took up genetics, forensic science, molecular pharmacology, geology and astronomy. It's true as so many have said education can help. It will give you the tools you need in life to have a productive future. I really hope you get some inner peace. I'm still searching for some...but I have to believe I'll get there. Please do proper research on the organisation...Crisis of Conscience is a great place to start. It will really open your eyes as to the true nature of the organisation and will undoubtedly change your attitude to them. They are not god's organisation, and I think it will be easier for you if you realise this. I hope the best for you though. :)
• 

  youngbro

  Dang it, its getting worse....I do not want to feel this way...

  I know I would never really commit suicide (at least I do not think so) but...I feel REALLY bad..