Empathizing with homosexual struggles as a hertosexual

by sabastious 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  sabastious

  When I was a Bible fundamentalist Jehovah's Witness it was easy for me to dismiss homosexuality as a sin and move onto the next, more interesting, topic. It is much more complicated than that for me at this point in my life.

  I think about it this way:

  What if I, a heterosexual, were raised in a community where everybody was homosexual and heterosexuality had a harsh taboo attached to it. I would grow up being encouraged to be attracted to the same sex while not biologically compatible with such sexual advice. How far would I delve into homosexuality before I stopped myself and came clean to the community? What kind of factors require consideration to answer that question?

  Well, for one, my loyalty to my parents would be a large factor. I remember in my real life childhood when I told my mother that I wasn't going to meetings anymore. It was in early teenagehood when I started questioning my beliefs. It didn't go down well with my parents. My dad lashed out in anger and my mother got very depressed. I continued my "no meeting" stance for about two weeks I remember. Each meeting night my mother would leave for the car with my father and my little brother as tears streamed down her eyes. Her eyes were so red and puffy because she had been crying for so long. So because of that experience I decided to go to meetings again and that was the first step into my stint as a true believer.

  So how did I fare when put up against my parents ultimate approval? I caved. I went back to meetings with the intention of BELIEVING IT (and actually accomplished that) when I, in fact, had just got through telling myself I DIDN'T.

  I made a complete 180 and turned against myself.

  So, naturally I would do that same 180 in the flip flop world too. I would become gay, for a time.

  This is what happens in real life unfortunately, but in the reverse. The homosexual is required to live in a strictly heterosexual environment, with harsh taboo on homosexuality, and many choose heterosexuality, for a time. Although it is not healthy to lie to yourself for such a long period of time as I know all too well. I lied to myself about my beliefs all the while thinking I was doing the right thing in getting approval from my peers.

  That kind of thinking can never last very long.

  -Sab
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  NewChapter

  Fading has given me a tiny glimpse. Having to pretend to be what I'm not is uncomfortable and there isn't even a biological factor! When I'm around JW's I can't speak freely, I have to watch my every comment, gage it's every reaction. It's tiring and the interchange is meaningless. They didn't actually have a conversation with ME but a character I created. I get nothing at all from it, and they only get an illusion.

  Then my pastor, who is a lesbian, told me how the hospital tried to block her visit to her critically ill partner. They've been together for a very long time, and her partner needed her. She had absolutely no legal recourse. Gratefully she was clergy and that trumped all---but most don't have that advantage. People, right now, are forced to deal with serious illness without the most important person in their lives there to support them! Some are dying alone. It's disgusting.

  Then I've just let people tell me their story. How when at the age of 8 or 10 they understood they were different. This doesn't sound like a sexual preference at all---but an emotional make-up. Who can tell me that a prepubescent child makes some evil decision to go against nature? It's ridiculous. Considering the complex way we develop before birth, the hormones, the body parts, the billions of brain connections--we should EXPECT that some would wire differently---and that doesn't mean wired WRONG--it means it is very human to be unique. We aren't a bunch beasts that can't handle variety for goodness sake.

  Even when I was in the org, the overreaction to homosexuality really irritated me. I hadn't thought much about it, but I didn't see any reason to act like that was somehow worse than the thousands of other things listed as wrong. Now with an open mind I reject that morality completely. It has done so much damage, cost so many lives, led to so many broken families, I've decided the evil thing is the prejudice.

  NC
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  Chemical Emotions

  I these posts.
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  Joliette

  Great thread. I've always struggled with lesbian feelings at an active dubbie, and its great that straight folks are trying to understand people like us. I've dated boys but I like girls more.
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  Diest

  NC

  Does that mean if a Gay person was a witness....'ordained minister' that they could go visit their partner....or just get one of those ordained minister things from oniline....sounds like a good stop gap until DOMA is repealed.
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  Darkside Blues

  Having to keep myself off the radar as a non-believer in the KH has made me realize how terrible it must be for a gay person to be in the closet. Hence I'm very sympathetic to LGBT issues and want them to have the same rights as straight people.

  I could never wrap my head around the whole "hate the sin and not the sinner" concept. Isn't that like separating the dancer from the dance? Why would someone choose to be gay? I didn't choose to be straight. And I could never understand why God (at least as defined by the WT) would hate homosexuality to begin with. Are gay people harming others by loving each other?
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  Snoozy

  So you're saying a person can be "Talked" into becoming gay/ lesbian?

  Interesting..I always wondered about that and how influence from another person/persons could sway a person towards that lifestyle.

  Snoozy
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  NewChapter

  NC

  Does that mean if a Gay person was a witness....'ordained minister' that they could go visit their partner....or just get one of those ordained minister things from oniline....sounds like a good stop gap until DOMA is repealed.

  Deist---there are no gay JW's, you know that! But seriously I don't know the answer. It's an intriguing thought though. We should look into it! Maw haww hawwwww.

  NC
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  NewChapter

  I remember watching something that discussed shows like Bewitched and I Dream of Jeanie and how they had a huge homosexual following. They didn't understand at first, but realized it was because they identified with having to hide true identity from the world. I found that fascinating, and was even more pleased when they said they responded by making it even friendlier, especially Bewitched, with characters like Uncle Arthur. This was the 60's and everything had to be done in a sneaky way. But they did it anyway, and that says a lot about them.

  NC
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  Nickolas

  There may be small flaws in your analogy but the parallel message is powerful, and about power. People have power over you the extent to which you allow them to have it, and the closer a person is to you the more power they have over you. Your mother was making sure you could see she'd been weeping for hours so that you would know how much you were personally causing her pain. If your best friend got into the habit of using similar emotional blackmail to keep your mind in a state that most closely approximated his, you would in all likelihood push back realising and fully accepting that it could end your friendship. The exercise of power people have over one another in a true equal friendship is 50/50. Neutral and reciprocal, which over a long haul should be about right in any close relationship. It's not so easy with family members but especially so in the Watchtower world. In normal families, when a child becomes a mature, thinking adult and chooses a path in life that differs from his parents' expectations, the parents get over it. There may be arguments, screaming and crying but then the world just accomodates things and the child-parent relationship actually strengthens and matures. In the Watchtower world the child gets shunned. The exercise of power a person may want to have over you is so great that he or she will bludgen you with it. The child-parent relationship is destroyed, no matter what happens next. Good post, sab.