told my parents to never ever tell me they love me again....

oompa

...i told them in a very serious sitdown in their living room....said..."because if you cant show it then it does not count...that is not real love no matter who tells you it is....because it is how it makes ME FEEL that determines if it is love....not if you just say it...and me and my sons do not feel that love at all now"....and i stayed calm and talked slowly and barely shed a tear as i held them back...and i had asked them to not say a word but just listen...dad said they would as long as it was not about religion as i knew he would

this was two of the worst days of my life in a row..i told them the pain me and my boys feel from their shunning is worse than if they had died...that then i could grieve naturally and move on because that is normal....grief helps you cope...my grief is different because they CHOOSE to act like i am dead and normal grief does not seem to work on that

i shared an epiphany with them i had about mens rules vs gods great idea of dna (but no i am not sure about a god anymore)it went kinda like this:

"since it is litteraly impossible to shun your own flesh/self....god was so smart to take half of you dad....and half of you mom....and make me...i am nothing but half of each of you.... and my sons are even one quarter your flesh....and i dont know how you can do it because i NEVER shunned my dfd sons and never could....but i know you do it because you feel you have to do what someone tells you god wants you to do....and they have the power to decided when you can talk to me....and sometimes they are right and sometimes they are quite wrong about things as you both know from the past....but i believe god was so smart that he gave us this dna so that there could be no doubt as to how to love your children....because god knows you just cant shun your own flesh and it hurts if you try because it is not natural...and if you ever stop shunning me and my boys....i will forgive you instantly....but for now i will have to block you out as best i can because i dont know how to live with this pain....and if you ever need anything at all....i will be there for you and show my love if you let me....and dad if you have to disinherit me....i beg you dad....please do not give your money to those men that have caused me and my family so much pain...please give it to my boys...they have not gone to college and dont make much money....and in this economy none of us will likely have a job with a great pension like you do and i am so glad you do....so i beg you dad please give any inheritence to my boys..."

the medical/family emergency clause is even there for them...but they did not even use it after my last surgery....never even called to see how i was doing....that really makes you feel dead....and i told him how it made me feel that they did not even do that......but it slowly sunk in...and so now they know that i must block them out and pretend they are dead too until they need me....when wt says i am alive again and can be there with them

yesterday was my poor dear jw wifes turn....painful...and another epiphany...may tell you later.....whew....but i am stronger now....and even feel a little more at peace....oompa

its time to finally move on i hope

EmptyInside

I know that was hard for you. When I still was mentally in the religion,I didn't think along those lines,and shunned my best friends. They make you feel like the one disfellowshipped is selfish and only out to please their immoral desires. And the only way to save them is by tough love,and hope they come back. And even if they don't,we are to show we love Jehovah more.

But,of course,now,I see it in a "new light." I don't have children,but if my nephew or one of my brothers was disfellowshipped,there is no way I would disown them. And I agree it just isn't natural.

((((HUGS))))

mrsjones5

Damn Oopma, I so feel you man. That first paragraph hit me in the gut cuz it's exactly how I feel when my mother tells me she loves me then turns around and wishes my husband dead.

I hate this cult!

N.drew

Perfect. Thank you for sharing oompa. I finally can feel what it must be like to be shunned by them you love.

clarity

Oompa ... we have never talked together but I send you my concern and my recognition of the guts & pain it took to accomplish what you've just done. A thumbs up to you and a Hug.

I sincerely wish you and your family peace.

clarity

blondie

I had to do something similar, oompa, ten years ago. Both my parents are dead now but I feel like they died 10 years ago. In my case, it felt so good no longer to dance around the elephant in the room. I felt more at peace too.

Love, Blondie

carla

I'm sorry Oompa.

Sometimes it seems jw's (and others) do not understand or maybe they don't know what real love is. They throw it around everyday, 'I love chocolate ice cream', 'I love...' but when you are talking about human beings particularly your own family it must take on a more profound meaning than that which is used in everyday conversation yet for some it is just like 'loving' their favorite food or tv program. Shallow.

When it pertains to yourself or those you truly love, you hope that those who are incapable of love somewhere deep down they are deeper than they appear and maybe their own fears or lack of courage prevents them from truly showing it or articulating it properly. Then you realize that no, maybe they are just not capable of such love and you pity them for what they will miss out on in life and you love them anyway always hoping for a little in return knowing it may never come the way you wish. Painful way to live unless you can give it up and accept that is how it is. There is no answer for these kinds of people, they are unable to comprehend until the day comes when they 'get it', if ever. I understand why you need to take a break from these toxic people but as you said you would be there for them when needed. A wonderful lesson for your own sons to see.

All that being said I am sure your parents do love you but lack the courage to go against the wt. That is what hurts, to know you would probably do anything for them including putting yourself in danger if it kept them safe yet they cannot do a simple thing, or what should be simple for you. To outsiders it is appalling and it should be to all jw's as well. The wt does not allow natural relations between a father and son or mother and child, how sinful is that?!

Wishing you much love and peace,

carla

thetrueone

the medical/family emergency clause is even there for them...but they did not even use it after my last surgery....never even called to see how i was doing....that really makes you feel dead....

Very cold indeed, the WTS's self created laws which were really needed to protect the organization's self perceived status of themselves has cause

much grief, the separation and tearing down of family relationships is just but one aspect.

Cults like the JWs, Mormons, Scientology will break apart families in an effort to keep one of the family members with them

in servitude support. They intensionally create another family of their own, one where they can take complete control over its members.

Take care Oompa

NewChapter

That was very brave of you oompa. If they CAN be reached, I think you chose the best line of reasoning to reach them. Love should be a verb not a concept.

NC

Morbidzbaby

This is so difficult to read, I can't imagine what it was like to be there actually doing the talking. My heart goes out to you and your boys, Oompa. I know it's so hard to be on the receiving end of JW shunning. I think what makes it so difficult is because, as you said, it's unnatural. Not only that, but it's being done to you because you used your FREE WILL (which JW's love to talk about... "god-given free will") to make the choice to move on from a destructive cult and find your OWN truth.

As always, we are all here for you whenever you need to vent.

told my parents to never ever tell me they love me again....

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