They have 'no natural affection', yet that's what they accuse the world of. Unbelievable.
So glad at least some of your kids are with you though. I hope your wife will see sense in time.
MM. x
told my parents to never ever tell me they love me again....
by oompa 49 Replies latest jw friends
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Quandry
It is hard, very hard. We are here for you.
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Iconoclast
What was thier response?
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outsmartthesystem
Wow, Oompa. VERY powerful words.
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nugget
I am truly sorry that you have had to endure this. The human cost of shunning is enormous and so painful. Those that practice it are so full of self righteous zeal that the shunned person is not only metaphically dead but also dehumanised. It was important that you let them know how you truly feel about the situation but so hard and courageous to do it.
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White Dove
You know, I really hate it when someone says, "Well, I'm sure they love you in their own way."
Talk is cheap.
I don't recognize the impotent love they are talking about.
That is condescending, even, to say that.
It's like saying that you are foolish to feel the way you do, because they DO love you in their own way.
They just don't know how to show it.
I call BULLSHIT on that!
Forest would say, "Love is what love does."
It's as simple as that.
Don't tell me you love me if you can't put that love into practice.
And I mean, shoving literature, counsel, and shunning in my face is NOT love.
When you practice love, you are loving.
When you don't practice love, you are NOT loving.
What a basic truth.
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OUTLAW
Wow..Thats like a script from a really sad movie..
Only your the one living it..
...................... ...OUTLAW
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ReallyTrulyAthena
(((oompa))) This was a very brave, courageous thing for you to do. You have our support, many listening ears and shoulders to lean on. My heart goes out to you & your boys.
Like Morbidzbaby, this was difficult to read. Truly poignant; like a voice crying out in the darkness - it went straight to the heart. I wanted to reach out to you and give you a big hug. There was a lump in my throat and a flush of anxiety went through me reading your post, especially this:
... their shunning is worse than if they had died...that then i could grieve naturally and move on because that is normal....grief helps you cope...my grief is different because they CHOOSE to act like i am dead and normal grief does not seem to work on that
Over a year ago - I sent a letter to my father to firmly yet respectfully ask him (all trying to show the utmost care and love) to stop going after me about rejoining the JWs. To stop blaming me for our dysfunctional family and that if only I'd come back, we could have a "normal" relationship. I was tired of the burden placed on my shoulders for the tragedy that is our family. A part of the letter dealt with the fact that HE was the one who CHOSE to treat me as if I were dead. As if I were the lowest, vilest thing on this earth, not worthy of even god's love. I told him I would love to have a real relationship with him: the man, the father...if he were to only want and CHOSE to have a real relationship with me: his blood, his daughter. I ended the letter with the message that I would always love him, no matter what...and unconditionally.
Since then, I've rec'd no response from him. Some days, I'm OK. Others - I cope. And then even others...I die inside. But I had to stand up for myself and speak MY truth, come what may.
As painful as this was/is - you stood up for your truth. Even if they don't choose to change their behaviors after your talk with them, you took what wasn't yours to carry anymore and said you just wouldn't and couldn't do this. To take a stand, draw a healthy boundary and also put down a burden in this life = courage.
I have to share that recently a friend of mine (never a JW) remarked, "I'm sorry to say this, but it's almost as if you will have a sense of release and closure, when your father passes on." You know what...for as heartless as this might sound - she's probably right. Like you said, oompa - at least then I could grieve and cope properly. I could finally and truly let go...and move on.
Peace, love and strength to you.
~ RTA
PS - I'm so sorry to hear about their not visiting nor reaching out to you after your surgery. Their ill treatment/shunning, under the guise of 'tough love', makes a person's heart hurt.
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mrsjones5
You and Oompa said it RTA. This topic makes my heart ache but it's right on time for me. Next month my sister is coming into town for unThankgiving at my parents' home. My family and I will yet again be uninvited but I'm making damn sure we won't be here. Making plans to head to the Bay Area to be with folks who really know how to be loving.
P.S. We're also moving and hopefully will be in a new place by the first of November (Shelby I've been trying to leave you a pm but I can't for some reason on my iPad and hubby mac is on the fritz - I'll call you soon) and the parental units will not have access to a forwarding addy. They have a nasty habit of dropping by unannounced. :D
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AGuest
Greetings, dear Oopma... and peace to you! I know it may be a bit late, but you might want to remind your dear parents of the TRUE "fast" of God:
“Is not this the fast that I choose? To loosen the fetters of wickedness, to release the bands of the yoke bar, and to send away the crushed ones free, and that YOU people should tear in two every yoke bar? Is it not the dividing of your bread out to the hungry one, and that you should bring the afflicted, homeless people into [your] house? That, in case you should see someone naked, you must cover him, and that you should not hide yourself from your own flesh?" Isaiah 58:6, 7
Christ knew this, and thus shunned no one. Rather, it was he who was shunned, even killed... for "disagreeing" with what the ONLY "earthly" system of worship set up and sanctioned by God... had BECOME.
Paul, who those who treat their own flesh this way follow, however... was still adhering to that system, although it had been rejected... when he first dealt with the Corinthian congregation. Many, MANY, religious leaders today use "Paul" as a basis for placing even more burdens on the sheep than they themselves can carry. Unfortunately, your dear mom and dad have fallen victim to this. Please, share the above with them and tell that GOD... does NOT sanction what they are doing, not at all, that if He DID... Christ would have done it, too. And... he didn't. Ever.
Not even when Peter blatantly denied him. Not even when they brought a woman caught in the act of adultery before him. Not even when others left off following HIM.
Not even as to Judas - he NEVER ratted Judas out to the others, NEVER told them to treat him any differently, NEVER expelled or disfellowshipped him... but only told him to get done what he was going to do "more quickly." Even after Judas left... he did not bad-mouth him to the others.
Your mom and dad are following false christs and false prophets... and may end up in the pit right along with them. If you love THEM, however, you would tell them the TRUTH about this, at least, as far as God is concerned.
Again, I wish you... and your dear wife and sons... peace. Truly. On this and all matters.
A slave of Christ,
SA