Shunning..... at Meetings ???

by IMHO 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Quendi

  And even when you comply with the demands of the judicial committee, they can still deny reinstatement. That is what happened to me. I was disfellowshipped in September 2005. I attended meetings regularly, but that wasn't enough. The committee demanded that I sit where I was directed, come to the meetings with the relevant literature, make sure I had studied the lesson and highlighted the main points in the publication, and then allow the committee enough time to judge my efforts.

  This charade went on for nearly five years. Every time I wrote a letter requesting reinstatement, the committee would come up with another excuse about why this would not be granted, or plead for more time to examine my case. I then realized the truth a Witness friend who refused to shun me had stated from the beginning. The committee had no intention of reinstating me and I was wasting my time seeking it. I think what most annoyed the elders was my refusal to grovel at their feet and sue for pardon. It took me five years but I finally realized the truth of what my friend had said. I ceased all efforts to get reinstated in June 2010, walked away, and have never looked back. I am all the better for it.

  Quendi
• 

  IMHO

  What about the 'shunning' at the 'meetings', how on earth can that be justified.

  If a serial murderer or rapist walked in for the first time with a beard, trainers and jeans he would be treated with love and offered a Bible Study.

  If you've beend DF'd the mere fact that you are there should show that you are repentent (or why would you bother). Therefore surely you should get spoken to there, even if nowhere else.
• 

  Awen

  Pretty much the same hare as Quendi said.

  I was DFed in March 1999 and when I eventually wne tback it was in another state. I rode to the meetings in the winter with one of the Elders (because of snow), did my studies. I wasn't allowed in the KH until the song was starting even though it might be 15 F outside (or less). Then I was allowed in (at the back of course) and when the meeting was over I had to wait outside. Since the one I rode with was an Elder he normally chatted with people while I waited for up to 45 minutes for him and his wife to finish talking. If I got impatient and decided to walk home, I would be chastised as they felt it was too cold for me to walk 3 miles home (yet they had no problem making me wait outside for them). In Illinois the winters are 9 months long so it was difficult. I went to this hall for 6 months before submitting my letter. The Elders contacted my former cong, but received no reply after a month, so I telephoned the PO for my old hall, got the correct mailing address (since the one the Society had on file was incorrect somehow). My old cong. had no record as to why I was DFed and no one remembered. So it was up to me to provide the information.

  This is where it gets interesting. I was DFed for allowing an unmarried couple to live with me. Yet in the time that I had been DFed and the time I worked towards reinstatement I had gotten involved in other religions (pagan). because of this one of the more influential Elders told me that if it were up to him, I would never be reinstated. I mentioned how others had done similar things in the Bible and they were forgiven but apparently that didn't matter to him. His own married son had been DFed for 5 years before he allowed his son the be reinstated. This Elder was also father to the other two elders on the JC committe so my chances were pretty much nil.

  I told them I wasn't going to come any longer and was asked why. I said it was because of the one Elder's hard-heartedness and then relayed what he told me. He lied and said he never said such a thing and I was a bad person for even suggesting it.

  O.o

  That was enough for me. This was 6 years ago in the East Congregation in Moline, Illlinois
• 

  NewChapter

  If Kingdom halls want to remain "public" places, then they cannot tell individuals where they can sit, when they can come in, when they must leave, unless the rules are evenly applied. But I understand they have different ways of putting on the pressure and making those wanting reinstatement to be "obedient". Translation: Grovel. It's a huge power trip.

  For the two of you that couldn't get reinstated after years---it makes me angry on the one hand. Pompous window washers. And on the other, I'm sooooo glad you are free!! Who cares what a bunch of janitors playing dress-up say anyway. Just think of how insignificant they are---how very little power they hold in the real world and in their lives. It's pathetic really.

  NC
• 

  sweet pea

  I wonder if there is an angle for complaints to the Charities Commission in the UK that their public place of worship, the Kingdom Hall - which is the address of the Registered Charity - is used as the main venue for this disgusting barabric practice?
• 

  Quarterback

  Hi Sir 82,

  I was looking at the new procedures in the "Shepherd the flock of God Book" It states on page 118, That written requests for Reinstatement should be responded to promptly. So this attendance at the meeting for 6 months first is not a step....but, I do believe that it was a procedure for some in the past. Not sure where it came from. Paragraph 3 on page 119 states that the commitee " should allow sufficient time, perhaps many months, a year, or longer" to prove that the profession for repentance is genuine.

  I have seen some reinstatements last 6 months...it depends on some factors.
• 

  ziddina

  Fascinating...

  I have often wondered what would happen if I visited the local KH, incognito? Whether I would be recognized [probably not, but...] and if recognized, what sort of 'line' - er, "Theocratic Warfare" story - I could come up with, to continue visiting???

  Zid
• 

  Violia

  In the past if you wanted to be reinstated you had to attend the meetings for approx one year ( one year was usual ). After you attended all meetings and followed all the rules , you could then write a letter asking for reinstatement in which you again cry and beg and grovel. DF persons usually did sit at the back- I think I even recall seeing that in print. It was not required but strongly suggested. I never knew of anyone who got a ride to the meeting with anyone other than a family member . Usually you had to make it to the meetings on your own. Also, the rule about arriving during the song and leaving during the song is not required. You can sit in the KH anyplace you wish before the meeting. It is expected you will leaving promptly after the prayer. The Bible does not say any of this that I am aware of. They are just man made rules. It is uncomfortable to sit in the Congo if no one will speak to you, but can be done.

  Basically they want to see you grovel, cry and beg , lose your job, get so depressed you try and commit suicide. If you do this they might reinstate you, but remember the Congo. is under no obligation to speak to you. No one has to associate with anyone they don't want to. ( recall the Bible says to welcome this person back)

  This is a powerful weapon they've got , df and the reinstatement process. They have your family, friends and your life in their mean spirited little hands . Power is almost as intoxicating as sex.
• 

  blondie

  I knew someone that had become inactive, not attending meetings, etc. They finally were caught by the elders doing something they could be df'd for and the person said:

  "No one talked to me when I went to the meetings, I worked alone door to door, and the elders would not call on me at the meetings (not on restrictions). So how would being df'd be any different."
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  Violia

  I knew a PO at a kH who would actually force any and all whom he felt were undesirable to sit in the back . this included any he felt were mentally ill. He was a very angry person and could get physical if crossed. People just feared him. Hard to imagine a nut case like that could be the PO, but there he was, large as life.