Hi, I'm new here. You can call me by my sceen name or just Blue if you want LOL. I'm female (I don't know how to change my profile?) and in my 20s.
I wondered, are any of you still JWs who either lurk here or post and are on the fence about leaving?
Some background info: Raised in the truth (is it?) by parents who were also raised into it. Father was an elder, mom seemed to be a model elder's wife but away from watchful eyes she was anything but. Beat the crap out of me for years because she thought something was "wrong" with me (turns out I have Asperger's, among other things) and dad was busy screwing a "sister" who my mom was doing pioneer assist for (basically studying with a sister who'd been inactive for awhile) and my mom only could guess at what was with their relationship til he called out her name instead of my mom's during sex. (I hope this doesn't belong in the adult section? Anyway you get the picture.)
Mom went to the elders and they didn't believe her since she didn't have the required two witnesses thing and they separated but there was nothing she could do. (Meanwhile she was still beating the living daylights out of me and pretenting to be a model Witness at the hall.) They got divorced (the bros. warned her not to and then reproved her when she did, meanwhile my dad was still messing around. My mom would see his car at her house late at night and one night even saw him driving out of there at 2 in the morning. (When asked, he said he was "fixing her plumbing." Good one...)
Anyway he finally got df'd for like 2 years and the chick he was with did too. They've now been maried for like 12 or more years and dad goes around at the hall acting like she's his first wife (he got reinstated and goes to a different cong.) All those years my mom was getting more and more privileges (we moved to another part of the state) including RBC and dramas and stuff. She loves to brag to me about it all the time.
When I was 23, it was getting bad. I got baptized when I was 18 (after lots of pressure, though I was sincere but I got chided because I was so "old" whereas my sister was 9. (We both became publishers at an insanely young age, I was 6 and she was 5, does this make sense?) Anyway I went through a really bad depression for years because of my mom's abuse and parent's divorce, etc. and had no friends because I wasn't "good enough" because I wasn't a pioneer or married to an elder. Or rich. I was horribly lonely and afraid to tell the elders of my mother's abuse and had no one to turn to. I was a hermit because she wouldn't let me leave her house even though I was an adult and because of my illness I'm not able to drive so I was completely isolated, like the scripture except I wasn't isolating myself, my mother and the "friends" were.
Well I did things I never dreamed I'd do, the biggest one was that I met a "worldly" guy on the internet and ended up having phone sex with him and then eventually I "ran away" to another state to be with him. After much guilt, and after we got married (he turned out to be a nice person thankfully) I finally went to the bros. and got reproved.
You can guess, marrying "out of the Lord" and what that does to a person who was raised a Witness and always went to meetings before. I stopped going for 6 months or so but in that time my husband found God, but in his way, not the organization's way. He became a Baptist and at first was totally hardcore which was horrible for me. I still don't believe in the trinity or like crosses. I still don't really celebrate holidays (though I've given birthday presents and such so yeah a little). We separated for awhile, I stupidly went back to live with my mom because she wasn't hurting my phyisically anymore but it was still awful there and she made me go to all the meetings. It wasn't the same when I started going back. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I couldn't stand the way people looked at me, how they could just tell I hadn't been attending before and how rusty I was in service. I temporarily moved in with my aunt and her family and though they're JWs, I went less and less to the KH. I just started saying I was sick. I went back home to my husband finally, we patched things up and I realized Christianity isn't the same as what JWs say it is, at least ones I've talked to. I tried to be a part of the cong. here but I just couldn't fit in. I got my commenting privileges back after I finally started asking but then I started getting pressured because I wasn't commenting enough. I missed a couple meetings and then one of the elders started calling and calling and asking for my hours. He and another sister just kept bothering me, it almost felt like harassment until I just decided to do the "home but hiding" bit when the sister showed up at my door. I know she could see me peek out through the blinds and she hasn't been back since.
Anyway, you can see why I've been thinking of leaving, or at least not going anymore. By now I must be labelled "inactive." I haven't turned in any time in at least 3 months. Yet last night that elder called me again. I hung up.
Well, there's a shortened version of my story. Sorry it's so long. Glad to have found this place and hear about people like me.