Welcome!
Sorry you have been through so much trauma.
It takes time to sort things out and heal.
You are by no means alone.
We are here.
New here - I'm pretty wordy, sorry
by lilbluekitty 38 Replies latest jw friends
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NewChapter
Welcome Blue. It sounds like you've already come a long way, and we'll do what we can to help you along now. It only gets better and better, in spite of the discomfort.
NC
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sabastious
Welcome! You are very articulate despite your learning disability. You will find safe haven here. I look forward to getting to know you better, Blue.
-Sab
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lilbluekitty
Thank you everyone :)
Sab- Thank you, yes, some people with Asperger's are actually extremely verbal, some aren't. My nephew (non-Witness, he's raised Catholic I think) has it but he didn't learn to talk until he was 5 or something, I on the other hand was under a year old when I said my first words.
It is hard to have a learning disability and be a JW because you're expected to comment and give talks and though I'm very verbal, I have an incredibly hard time with stage fright and hearing my voice in a microphone (I know many current JWs who have that problem as well) and I took myself off the school probably 5 or 6 years ago. Some brothers were supportive, but as the years went on more and more of them kept asking me why I didn't give talks anymore. I usually commented only once or twice a meeting, and it was hard back in the day when we had the bookstudy groups because they were so small so not answering made you a huge target.
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skeeter1
Welcome,
I am going to do an arm-chair analysis of your first post. I am not a psychologisit, but am going to try to make you laugh a little!
I don't know much about why your parents got married initially. I am going to guess that they were infatuated with each other. It sounds like your dad is a player, and knew how to charm the panties off many a woman. I am going to guess that your parents didn't date each other for a sufficient amount of time to know that they had true love that would last a lifetime. Your mother was a frustrated JW woman, trying to live with the "no sex" thing. So, the two were dynamite for 3 weeks, and had to be married quickly to avoid a judicial committee. That being said, your father didn't have in your mother his soul mate. So, he went out looking for love in all the wrong places.
Your mother wasn't happy, wasn't happy at all, and beat you. (Let's just say, that's all somewhat part of my past too). She's very guilty of this and other things in her life, and the JWs give her a sense of importance. She knows the secret knowledge of the Truth. It elevates her above the rest of the world. Plus, it gives her a reason to dress up and make herself look pretty. She feels self-assured by the KH and meetings. After all, her husband rejected her many times over other women.
So, you married a nice, worldly guy. You are about to figure out that the JWs are conditional, and that the world isn't. But, you've got hope to God that your husband can put himself in your shoes. You were raised as a JW, taught from baby-hood that it was the Truth. Now, you are figuring out that it was a lie, or at least the people were not all that nice. You are a victim of abuse - child abuse, and spiritual abuse. You have been spiritiually raped by the WTS.
I suggest you go on a fact-finding expedition. Research the Cross, Birthdays, Christmas, date Jeruseleum fell, blood, etc. Don't use WTS literature. Find out FOR YOURSELF the answers to these questions. A self-discovered answer is the strongest conviction.
I bid you well. However, becuase of your past, I strongly suggest you go to a therapist. Especially to work out issues as you try to live a life with this new man and have a family.
Welcome.
Skeeter (raised in the Truth, left at about 17 & finally, for good "woke up" at 35 years old).
p.s. If you want to get even with your mother.....do what I did!
A parent of mine was telling me, "We have the Truth because we don't go to war. It's wrong to kill another person."
Me: "I truly admire that non-violence is the best way, and that violence is to be condemned. Jesus's words of 'turning the other cheek' are my favorite in the whole Bible."
Parent: "Yes, and we JWs wouldn't kill or fight a stranger from another country."
Me: "Yes, and even if you signed up for the draft or joined the Armed Forces, the elders would give you a strong talking. You can't do any act that could even remotely lead to violence."
Parent: "Yes, we can't even work for a company that's in defense."
Me: "So, why is it that the Congregation puts up with brothers beating up their wives, and mothers beating up their children? If you wouldn't hurt a stranger, why would you hurt your own children? Why would a parent leave bruises? Why would the elders call this a 'personal matter'? An abusive parent or spouse is not leading with Jehovah or Jesus's example"
Parent: - (I'll just say, that the parent chocked up and had to leave the room.)
What I said was priceless, and in those two minutes, I found peace. I set the record straight.
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lola-rabbit
Welcome BLUE! You have come to the right place. I've only been a member a few weeks and I could honestly say... you are among friends! I am also on the fence... inactive for 6 years now... but still attend KH.
From what I read, you really don't have anything holding you there... and you have your husbands support.
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Bella15
Welcome my child! Let me call you that as I am old enough to be your mother, I think. I feel, I hurt for you but there is also a great joy at knowing that you may finally get free from that cult. I am so sorry your mother treated you that way, my JW parents were awful to me too all while pretenting to be role models in the congregation - but aren't we glad that's our past and thanks God he had created another day called "Today" and "Today" we can be free and exercise all the rights we have as human beings!!!! The world is your stage Kitty!
My daugther's nick name is Kitty - she loves cats. My daughter is 14 years old and for a while the doctors thought she may have either Asperger's or Tourette syndrome but thanks to medicine (only a round of pills for panic attacks) and lots of faith and prayers the experts didn't find anything wrong with her after all. I was so surprise because you wouldn't believe it after seing the video diary I kept for her. But lots of my friends were praying for her and I have already found Jesus when the worst came and we weathered it like the victorious people we are in Christ. She was like that since around 4 years old but it only got worst every year ... Anyway, I totally understand you and feel so bad for you, you needed LOTS of love, of reassurance, of company, friendship, shelter, nurture, you needed people on your side - but like I said before ... thanks God for "TODAY" not yesterday, not tomorrow, "TODAY" you can start making a difference in your own life and you are on the right track (thinking of leaving). Please take the advice of some of the people here, some are ex-elders, read the books they recommend, and my only thing is DON'T LET THE WATCHTOWER TAKE "GOD" AWAY FROM YOU. You need a higher power in your life.
I am sending you my best wishes for restored health, may you be made whole again, (may you be born again - it is possible you know!)
All my love to you Kitty ... I'll be here for you ...
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factfinder
BLUE-
I understand your reluctance to give talks or comment at the meetings. I could not bring myself to comment at the KH because of having to speak into the mike. I did give talks, mostly just the Bible Reading talks, back in the late 70's to early 90's, but it became too uncomfortable for me and I also took myself off of the school. I was not bothered about giving talks however, the cong I was in did not take much notice of me.
You are right about commenting at the BS- if you didn't you stood out. But it was easier to comment there because of the less formal setting, smaller group and...no mikes! I also am very self-conscience about how my voice sounds. Speech therapy helped me overcome my stutter problem in grade school- but I still have relapses, and do not speak clearly a lot of the time.
I am not familiar with what Asperger's is. But I feel bad you are going through a hard time as a witness. I was involved with the witnesses for nearly 30 years but was unhappy the last 15 or more years, I gradually was going to fewer and fewer meetings, it was not planned, I did not know anything about what fading is, I just could no longer find reasons to WANT to go. Also, I blame God for my dear Mom's death.
In 2005 I just stopped going, just like Mr. Flipper did. After that, no meetings with elders. I did not say anything against the witnesses or GB or org- I am not DA'd or DF'd. I just stopped going. I was still doing a bit of informal witnessing, but sent in my last FS report in 2006 or maybe 2007. Thus I became completly inactive.
If you no longer wish to go the the KH just stop! But realize that if you stop you will be shunned. No-one from the cong . contacted me to see why I left or encourage me to return. I had made an arrangement with a brother to put me on his magazine list so I'd still get the literature. Unfortunatly he mentioned this to an elder , who instructed him not to bring me anything anymore, to "force" me to come to the KH to pick it up myself! That elders coersion did not work. I have not returned to the kh and still get the magazines from a sister in another cong who works at the mall!
You mention you may end up not wanting to go back. That is exactly what happened to me. Going to meetings is a habbit, and once you break that habbit is is very hard to get into it again. Having to get dressed up for the meetings, arrange for a ride, go when you are tired and just want to stay home, etc.
But if you stop going and later change your mind and want to return, you will have the freedom to do so. If you DA yourself-it will burn all bridges that you may regret later.
There is so much good advice from people who post on jwn. I hope you will find encouagement here!
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lilbluekitty
Factfinder, thank you for your experiences. Asperger's is a less-severe version of Autism, to put it very simply. Some are unable to verbalize what they want to say, others, like me are incredibly verbal but have very poor social skills and very skilled at certain things and very unskilled at others. For me, I'm very artistic, very into liguistics, languages, ect. but very poor at math, multi-tasking, following multiple directions, poor hand-eye coordination (one of the reasons I don't drive), I'm quite gullible, not always "getting" jokes and teasing, etc. You get the picture I think. As children they call us "little professors" because we can be very precoscious. Anyway, like I said, you get the idea. I'm really good at some things and really bad at other things.
Thank you, guys and gals =)