I'm a newbie around here. I have only posted once but I've come in here almost every day to read for about the past month. This place has been therapeutic for me as I'm currently trying to make my exit out of the Borg. I'm taking a big step here in writing this post.
I desperately need help writing my DA letter. I'll give some background on me, so that you can know why I need this help, please bare with me here, I'll try not to make it too long and winding.
In short I've been a JW for almost 6 years (including time studied) and have always had my doubts about the society but since their bible study method focuses on cleverly convincing you that they are the only true religion and only path to God, I fell for it and kept those feelings of doubt (that I feel came from having been raised as an independent thinker) pushed away far deep enough that they didn't bother me for years. I don't know what sparked it really, every now and then these doubts would surface back into my mind to haunt me (because, of course, I figured it was Satan) and 6 months ago when I found myself with these doubts again, I decided I needed to put them to rest once in for all, after all if I had the truth I had nothing to fear. But fearful I was... Scared as heck I went to the sources I had been brainwashed into believing were bad, Satanic. I came here, to the wonderful freeing world of the net. Since then, I have looked at every piece of info. that I could find about the society on the net. It's been an emotional roller coaster ride; fear, shame, guilt, hurt, despair, anxiety, anger, relief, joy, elation and everything in between. Sometimes I even feel more than one emotion simultaneously.
I only decided that I knew enough to move on from the JW's a month ago and I have not been attending meetings for only 2 weeks now. I'm getting to my problem; please continue to bear with me.
All these months I had not told my husband about what I was doing and it was really hard to keep all this from him, since he and I share everything and talk about everything. By the time I got to the point where I felt I could tell him, I was also already entirely fed up with the society and couldn't bring myself to attend meetings anymore (2 weeks ago). In other words I wasn't clever enough to figure out that I could slowly feed my husband information that might open his eyes up as well (As Amazing did with his family). Of course this is all a shock to my poor husband and of course nothing I can say at this point will convince him that the organization is not what it makes itself out to be, although in our conversations these past couple of weeks, I have made some very valid points that have left him speechless and I hope that those things will stay in his mind and cause him to see things differently in the future. These conversations have helped us both come better to terms with things and I now especially feel relieved that he has come to agree to disagree with me and has assured me of his love for me. So at least I know that he won't shun me after I get out.
Ok, I'm almost at my problem....
My husband continues to go to meetings and doesn't want to make excuses for me to the friends about my not being there, which I can completely understand, I'm putting him in a bad position. At first, I told him to say that I was ill, and it was true. Because of all this I had been suffering depression and anxiety attacks so it was a good excuse at the time but once I told my husband and since we have been having dicussion over this every night, I feel much better and both the depression and anxiety attacks are gone now.
I would really like to be inactive for a while and give myself time to think and learn a bit more. Give myself time to answer some of my own questions but it doesn't appear I have that choice since my husband is still going to meetings at the same congregation and the elders will soon start to want to know why I've been missing so many meetings.
I feel I need to write my DA letter ASAP because:
1.) I Don't want to put my husband in a position to have to make excuses for me not being at the meetings.
2.) I Don't want to be confronted by the elders about missing meetings. I really want nothing to do with them, I don't want to have to explain anything to anyone. I just want to leave and have my life back. Aaannndd... I don't want to give them the pleasure of disfellowshipping me, so that I can appear to my friends that I'm some horrible unrepentant sinner. NO WAY! I want my friends to know that I made a conscience decicion to leave.
3.) Most importanly I'm thouroughly convinced that the society has conned us all and I want nothing to do with it ever again. Like I said , I just want the life that I lost back. I want to move on.
Here's the problem...
Unfortunately, I have so many things, ideas, questions, and information running through my brain constantly these days, that I can't bring my self to concentrate enough to write the darn letter. Also, I keep debating as to what to say in it. I would like for it to sound intelligent, coherent, reasonable and thought provoking but not angry. I would like to send it to my friends a day before sending it to the elders, so that they know exactly why I left and so that maybe this information in the future may help some of them leave. Buuuutttt... I don't want to include the wrong things in it that might later make my husbands life a living hades. I don't want him afterward being interrogated by the elders and whatever else could come to him because of my letter.
HELP!! What do I do? What do I say? What should I not say? How do I figure this out? How do I tell the elders that the society is completely wrong and I don't want anything to do with the organization any longer but please be nice to my husband in a nice, intelligent way??
I know a DA letter should be in my own words but I'm at a loss, really. Please, I need all of you that have gone through this to chime in and give me advise, like today! I'd be most indebted to you all. Thank you in advance to all who respond.